(Closed) Ultra small wedding and whether to eliminate the bridal party

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To be blunt, the upset bridesmaid is making it about her, when in fact it’s about you and your fiance.

This is your wedding and it’s your decision. If you were to cut just one bridesmaid, I can understand her being upset. But you are changing the entire wedding, so I don’t see the harm in getting rid of the bridal party altogether. Also, this bridesmaid is still one of only 20 guests (by the sound of it), so she’s still a special part of your day.

Post # 3
Member
3654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’d cut the bridal party. While your friend might feel hurt, it’s not as if she is being singled out for removal. It’s just that your wedding plans have changed and that’s fine. It happens all the time. I’d explain that her presence means a lot to you, whether she is standing up with you or attending as a guest, and you hope she’ll support your change of plans.

Post # 4
Member
4556 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would definitely cut the bridal party. We had 12 people total and no bridal party, like you said, it doesn’t make sense for half of the guest to be standing beside you.

Post # 5
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I would cut out the bridal party as well. I am also having ~20 person wedding, we are each having a single person “bridal party”. However since you already asked all 5, it would be too awkward to only keep one. 

Post # 6
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
emyajxo:  i would eliminate the bridal party  too or just keep a Best Man and a Maid/Matron of Honor. No other BMs or GMs. 

Post # 7
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I would sit down and try to explain things to the one bm who seems hurt. This is not personal against her, but obviously something you two need to do because of expenses. If she’s truly a good friend, she will understand your reasons and will be supportive no matter what.

I am also having no wedding party because it will be a small wedding. I actually just decided on a simple color scheme (mine is black, white and blush with some gold) and everyone will be coming in black and white. Because of this, everyone will be part of the “wedding party” and I’m sure pictures will look lovely. Everyone invited actually loves the idea so I’m happy about that. Maybe you can do something themed as well since it’s easier to manage in a small affair. 

Post # 8
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

As long as they have not purchased anyting already, it should be understandable to them. They could be given other roles, make a toast, give a reading or such instead.

Post # 9
Member
4556 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
MissDevourer9:  I completely agree about color coordinating the guest!! All of our guest wore blue or white and it looks so good in pics! And our planner was very impressed with our little group and their outfits lol.

Post # 10
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think she will calm down in a bit and that you have probably made the right decision. You can ask her if she envisions any other role- doing a reading, singing a song, giving a toast, etc. 

Post # 11
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would cut the bridal party, unless you want to keep a Maid of Honour and a Best Man. Friends getting upset about missing out on being bridesmaid really need to get over themselves! 

Post # 12
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

If the decision was finacially motivated, the most reasonable solution is to cut out the bridal party. Things like dresses, makeup, flowers, suits do cost a lot of money. I feel it’s entitled of her to demand to be a bridesmaid and get hurt over something like this.  You are not obligated to make anyone your bridesmaid, regardless of who they are.

Post # 13
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

No offense, but in the grand scheme of things, this will just be another wedding she will have gone to, just another day. For you, however, it will be a day you’ll (hopefully) have to lvie with for the rest of your life. Do what you want. She’ll get over whatever her feelings are eventually. 

Post # 14
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

 I totally agree with pp on the financial motivators! I am also having about 20 guests and would have more than half standing with me if I had a wedding party.  I have founds ways to incorporate the people who would have been in the party during dress shopping, participating in the ceremony, and signing our marriage license (a friend got Internet ordained). There is significant savings for the bride/groom and wedding party in finding more non-traditional ways to participate.  I’m hoping now that all the guests know how small the wedding is, that everyone who has been included recognizes the special role they play in our lives even without being required to to wear a matching outfit. 

Post # 15
Member
4034 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
emyajxo:  I would cut the party. Your friend who’s making a big deal about it is being unreasonable and making it about herself. Maybe in time, that will sink in. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you and your fiance. Best of luck!

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