Post # 1
We got engaged in November, chose a date shortly thereafter (March 2017), and then asked our bridal party about a month later. We were initially planning a fairly formal 75 person guest list wedding. Well, recently plans have majorly changed and we have opted to instead do an ultra small wedding (20 guests.) The main factor motivating this change is financial.
Anyways, I have five bridesmaids and he has five groomsmen. My initial thought was to simply not have a bridal party any longer and invite them as guests instead, since if they stand up with us then the majority of the guest list would be up there! I spoke to one bridesmaid about this and she was very understanding, even insisting that it wouldn’t make sense to have a bridal party for simplicity’s sake. But one bridesmaid has made it quite clear that it would mean a lot to her to stand up with us and I have gotten the impression that she is a bit hurt. I of course would still LOVE to have a bridal party, but a) it seems a bit awkward with so few guests and b) we would still have costs associated with a bridal party (gifts, etc.) and c) we are really trying to simplify the whole thing, so having a bridal party seems a bit counterintuitive to that?
What would you do in this situation, bees?
Post # 2
To be blunt, the upset bridesmaid is making it about her, when in fact it’s about you and your fiance.
This is your wedding and it’s your decision. If you were to cut just one bridesmaid, I can understand her being upset. But you are changing the entire wedding, so I don’t see the harm in getting rid of the bridal party altogether. Also, this bridesmaid is still one of only 20 guests (by the sound of it), so she’s still a special part of your day.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I’d cut the bridal party. While your friend might feel hurt, it’s not as if she is being singled out for removal. It’s just that your wedding plans have changed and that’s fine. It happens all the time. I’d explain that her presence means a lot to you, whether she is standing up with you or attending as a guest, and you hope she’ll support your change of plans.
Post # 4
I would definitely cut the bridal party. We had 12 people total and no bridal party, like you said, it doesn’t make sense for half of the guest to be standing beside you.
Post # 5
I would cut out the bridal party as well. I am also having ~20 person wedding, we are each having a single person “bridal party”. However since you already asked all 5, it would be too awkward to only keep one.
Post # 6
i would eliminate the bridal party too or just keep a Best Man and a Maid/Matron of Honor. No other BMs or GMs.
Post # 7
I would sit down and try to explain things to the one bm who seems hurt. This is not personal against her, but obviously something you two need to do because of expenses. If she’s truly a good friend, she will understand your reasons and will be supportive no matter what.
I am also having no wedding party because it will be a small wedding. I actually just decided on a simple color scheme (mine is black, white and blush with some gold) and everyone will be coming in black and white. Because of this, everyone will be part of the “wedding party” and I’m sure pictures will look lovely. Everyone invited actually loves the idea so I’m happy about that. Maybe you can do something themed as well since it’s easier to manage in a small affair.
Post # 8
As long as they have not purchased anyting already, it should be understandable to them. They could be given other roles, make a toast, give a reading or such instead.
Post # 9
I completely agree about color coordinating the guest!! All of our guest wore blue or white and it looks so good in pics! And our planner was very impressed with our little group and their outfits lol.
Post # 10
I think she will calm down in a bit and that you have probably made the right decision. You can ask her if she envisions any other role- doing a reading, singing a song, giving a toast, etc.
Post # 11
I would cut the bridal party, unless you want to keep a Maid of Honour and a Best Man. Friends getting upset about missing out on being bridesmaid really need to get over themselves!
Post # 12
If the decision was finacially motivated, the most reasonable solution is to cut out the bridal party. Things like dresses, makeup, flowers, suits do cost a lot of money. I feel it’s entitled of her to demand to be a bridesmaid and get hurt over something like this. You are not obligated to make anyone your bridesmaid, regardless of who they are.
Post # 13
No offense, but in the grand scheme of things, this will just be another wedding she will have gone to, just another day. For you, however, it will be a day you’ll (hopefully) have to lvie with for the rest of your life. Do what you want. She’ll get over whatever her feelings are eventually.
Post # 14
I totally agree with pp on the financial motivators! I am also having about 20 guests and would have more than half standing with me if I had a wedding party. I have founds ways to incorporate the people who would have been in the party during dress shopping, participating in the ceremony, and signing our marriage license (a friend got Internet ordained). There is significant savings for the bride/groom and wedding party in finding more non-traditional ways to participate. I’m hoping now that all the guests know how small the wedding is, that everyone who has been included recognizes the special role they play in our lives even without being required to to wear a matching outfit.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
I would cut the party. Your friend who’s making a big deal about it is being unreasonable and making it about herself. Maybe in time, that will sink in. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you and your fiance. Best of luck!