Post # 1
I went to happy hour with my Maid/Matron of Honor R, and some friends of ours. One friend M, is engaged too. She’s dived into planning so it was part of the dinner conversation.
We talked about a lot. The name change issue came up and I mentioned I didn’t know if I was changing mine. I’m attached to my name. I think there’s nothing wrong with that. They all looked at me like I had 2 heads and then M told me it was because I knew I would get divorced. Seriously,? I brushed it off as a joke, but that’s not funny. Who says that? R has an adorable baby girl and when the baby convo came up, I told them that Fiance and I don’t want kids right now and that we agreed to re examine that later on. R turned to me and said normal marriages create children (not religious or anything). Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I get that. I just feel like I’ve been judged and mentally attacked by my friends.
Am I reading too much into this? Or am I right to feel hurt by them?
Post # 3
@MASPA: i would just refrain from telling them anythine else pertaining to your marriage…and life after….they seem way to judgemental.
Sorry they made you feel bad!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
OK, that is completely out of line. I would be really upset if friends were saying these kinds of things to me. I mean, she’s suggesting that your marriage will end in divorce because you might not change your name and that your marriage isn’t “normal” unless you have kids? What is that? What she said is incredibly hurtful (and not true!), and I think you’re totally right to feel this way. I’m sorry she was so mean!
For the record, I didn’t change my name, and my husband and I are just fine! And just as married!
Post # 5
I’m pretty sure I would have been hurt too… ! To each their own I say.. your decisions make you you so. I do think its ok for them to tell you what they think, but Its not ok to judge you. Hopefully you get a chance to let them know how you feel, if thats what you want of course.
Post # 6
My parents didn’t change their names, and celebrated their 30 year anniversary earlier this year!
Post # 7
You just have judgemental friends who aren’t very open-minded and probably haven’t met people with different lives to themselves. The world is very small for some people. But wow, I would tell them, especially your Maid/Matron of Honor, that belittling your decisions is not okay. Your marriage is just as valid as M’s; your decision to have or not have children is just as valid as R’s decision to have or not have children. And I think it helps to open people’s eyes and minds by showing them (nicely, kindly, politely) that they are being rather silly.
Post # 8
Sounds like your friends need to take a look at the calendar and realize what year it is. Their views on what constitutes a healthy marriage are extremely dated.
Post # 9
Thanks for the support all. I’m usually pretty open with my thoughts but I was shocked I guess the words just escaped me. And I really don’t know how to go about it with my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 10
Changing your name doesn’t make your marriage stronger, it just means your name is different… Some people don’t want kids, others want to wait, others want to conceive on the honeymoon. Al options are fine. Your friends need to open their minds. How rude!!
Post # 11
I think your friends were rude, and I would be hurt if someone said these kind of things to me. I would at least try to talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her how you feel. She’s part of the wedding, she needs to support it in every way!
Post # 12
@MASPA: I’d be quite hurt too!
Post # 13
They wound very sheltered…like their little brains can only handle relationships that fit into a very specific, narrow box.
I feel sorry for them…they’re going to be the women who cluck like hens while gossiping about eveything and everyone they encounter. I think my male friends loathe those kinds of women more than my female friends do.
Post # 14
Why are you friends with these people?
Post # 15
In Quebec it’s not legal to change your name and I can assure you lots of happy couples are alive, well and still very much married throughout the province.
Post # 16
Maybe your friends had a little too much to drink! I wouldn’t sweat it, I know lots of people who have been married and have hyphenated names or never changed their names at all. You have to do what you feel comfortable with, and what your fiance is comfortable with.