(Closed) UM, EXCUSE ME?! (VENT)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MASPA: i would just refrain from telling them anythine else pertaining to your marriage…and life after….they seem way to judgemental.

Sorry they made you feel bad!

Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

OK, that is completely out of line. I would be really upset if friends were saying these kinds of things to me. I mean, she’s suggesting that your marriage will end in divorce because you might not change your name and that your marriage isn’t “normal” unless you have kids? What is that? What she said is incredibly hurtful (and not true!), and I think you’re totally right to feel this way. I’m sorry she was so mean!

For the record, I didn’t change my name, and my husband and I are just fine! And just as married!

Post # 5
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee

I’m pretty sure I would have been hurt too… ! To each their own I say.. your decisions make you you so. I do think its ok for them to tell you what they think, but Its not ok to judge you. Hopefully you get a chance to let them know how you feel, if thats what you want of course.

Post # 6
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My parents didn’t change their names, and celebrated their 30 year anniversary earlier this year!

Post # 7
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

You just have judgemental friends who aren’t very open-minded and probably haven’t met people with different lives to themselves. The world is very small for some people. But wow, I would tell them, especially your Maid/Matron of Honor, that belittling your decisions is not okay. Your marriage is just as valid as M’s; your decision to have or not have children is just as valid as R’s decision to have or not have children. And I think it helps to open people’s eyes and minds by showing them (nicely, kindly, politely) that they are being rather silly.

Post # 8
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sounds like your friends need to take a look at the calendar and realize what year it is. Their views on what constitutes a healthy marriage are extremely dated.

Post # 10
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Changing your name doesn’t make your marriage stronger, it just means your name is different… Some people don’t want kids, others want to wait, others want to conceive on the honeymoon. Al options are fine. Your friends need to open their minds. How rude!!

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think your friends were rude, and I would be hurt if someone said these kind of things to me. I would at least try to talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her how you feel. She’s part of the wedding, she needs to support it in every way!

Post # 12
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@MASPA: I’d be quite hurt too!

Post # 13
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

They wound very sheltered…like their little brains can only handle relationships that fit into a very specific, narrow box.

I feel sorry for them…they’re going to be the women who cluck like hens while gossiping about eveything and everyone they encounter.  I think my male friends loathe those kinds of women more than my female friends do.

Post # 14
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Why are you friends with these people?

Post # 15
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

In Quebec it’s not legal to change your name and I can assure you lots of happy couples are alive, well and still very much married throughout the province.

 

Post # 16
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe your friends had a little too much to drink! I wouldn’t sweat it, I know lots of people who have been married and have hyphenated names or never changed their names at all. You have to do what you feel comfortable with, and what your fiance is comfortable with.

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