(Closed) UM, EXCUSE ME?! (VENT)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t understand why your friends would say these things to you. For one, not changing your last name is pretty popular now a days. And two, there is nothing wrong with not having or wanting kids. Some people unfortunately can’t have kids, does that mean they should get divorced? Sounds like your friends are bitter about something in their own lives. I like to believe that when people say such rude things it’s because of their own insecurities and something that’s troubling them. It doesn’t make it right but nothing you said was crazy or deserved such rude comments

Post # 18
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MASPA:  OMG!  You have more self-restraint than I – if my friends said either of those things, I’d be very close to cussing them the F out.  That is entirely unacceptable, and just shockingly rude.  I agree with @NYCcaliBRIDE: that their awful remarks are prob stemming from insecurity and a need to justify their own actions, but that does not make it better.  I’d def talk to at least the Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her how that made you feel.  Ugh, I’m sorry you have to deal with this!

Post # 19
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MASPA: I’d have slugged her.

Post # 20
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

Wow, yeah, I would have been thrown off by that, too. Obviously you’re the trailblazer of your group, at least in regards to having marriage your way. 

Post # 22
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Bitches! Thinly-veiled insults. VERY thinly-veiled. I’d keep a safe distance between their rain and your parade. Ugh.

Post # 23
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That sucks. I agree with everyone who says your friends sound insecure. If they can’t be happy for you, then you’re probably better off not talking about your future marriage with them anymore. 

Post # 24
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

FEELINGS NEVER LIE! Don’t deny to yourself that you felt hurt and you’ll feel much better. So, to expand on the fact that you did get a little peeved over that comment-who wouldn’t-! This also proves time and time again, marriage is a very sensitive subject that is over used and wrung out and used again. Marriage has its unique elements to every single individual who involves themselves in them. You are your own person with your own wants and desires in life and your Fiance and you have found a beautiful connection in which you both agree in the paths of your only time to do them AKA LIFE. That being said, your friend is absolutely entitled to what she believes marriage is, although she is not entitled to being judgmental towards your values. Sorry this happened to you…I’m touchy on her comments as well…obviously that put a little singe in my skirt! You aren’t wrong, just enjoy your time as a bride-to-be and best of all, as a bride every day passed the “I do”. It’s all about a beginning. 

Post # 25
Hostess
11165 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I always think it is a bit rude when people expect you to justify your personal decisions because it doesn’t match their opinions on how it should be done. It is just so unnecessary.

If it should happen again I would just be quite blunt and make it clear it is what works for you for various reasons. They don’t need details that they will probably disregard anyway.

Post # 26
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Ewww.  Totally agree with everyone – sounds like your friends are insecure.  When people are unhappy about stuff in their lives, they like to make those around them feel horrible.  I am sorry that they would even say anything like that to you!  I am sure these are the same gals that would completely flip out if you shared any comparable opinions about their choices and lives.  I have also found that when you directly let girls like this know how you feel, they just act like you’re being super sensitive and try to laugh it off.  With so much going on with a wedding, your Maid/Matron of Honor and closest friends are the ones that are supposed to protect you from the negativity and yucky people!!  I really hope that it was an off-night for them or (as candykiss said) that they couldn’t handle their liquor!  Hope you guys resolve everything and don’t let it ruin anything else for you!  I think all your choices are awesome!!  Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with other bees. Keep your head up, that is rude and totally out of line for them to say. Sounds like they are insecure about something in their own lives. 

I am not changing my last name… legally, but not my stage name or the name on FB or anything I use in my career. That’s going to remain my maiden name. Everyone has their own reasons and I support you! It’s not totally weird in the 21st century and I think some people need to get over themselves. It’s totally your decision. 

Post # 28
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

They sound more like frenemies to me.  As a PP said, those were very thinly veiled insults. Maybe they are jealous of the relationship that you have with your Fiance.

Post # 29
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m glad you’re planning on talking with her about this. True friendships shouldn’t be functioning with passive agressive or hurtful comments.

Maybe she is jealous, insecure…who knows? But you should be treated more respectfully than that.

Post # 30
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yuck. Stuff like that is why I no longer tell people in real life my plans for the future, our wedding, name changes, etc. I don’t feel like justifying my choices anymore to people, you know? Everyone always has an issue or something snarky to say. I feel like telling people like your friends, “Sorry something in your own life is causing you to treat me like this, but you don’t need to take it out on me!”.

Post # 31
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ugh, I have so been there! Please do whatever you want and don’t let anyone bully you into changing your name if you don’t want to. Why are people so judgemental about that? I have always planned on keeping my name and my fiance has no problem whatsoever with that. But he mentioned it to a couple of his married coworkers, and they said, “I don’t know, if my wife had wanted to keep her name it might have been a dealbreaker.” Are you kidding me? If that’s all it would take for you to reconsider marriage, maybe you shouldn’t have gotten married at all!

A name is such a personal thing that everyone should be able to feel comfortable to change it or not without any criticism or judgement.

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