(Closed) um…I never had a doubt until…..now

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you need to sit down and really think about this. What is it that you are really afraid of? It seems you are in love with a wonderful man, who loves you and both of your children, and have a stable loving relationship. You have already been living together for years. He wants to marry you – let him!!! I’m sure you know how many women out there would do anything to have their SO propose. Is it that your not into the whole big wedding? 

Post # 5
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do you think that maybe it’s the “wedding” thing that is turning you off, and not your FI? Maybe it is the institution of marriage, or the formality, or even the cost? Not saying that is what it is, but it’s just a new thought.

It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in committment. My aunt and uncle have been happily un-married for 40+ years.

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@oneloveRicherPrice: Fun stuff first: Me too and I plan on buying every.single.book. for my kids. :p

Ahh, another Maslow believer. :p I got my Undergrad in Psyc. haha. I think, based on your posts, that the formalities (the icky parts: the money, the paperwork, yada yada) is what might be psyching you out. But keep this in mind: It’s typically just a one time ordeal. You’ll do it, it’ll be annoying, and then you’ll be done. 🙂

As far as the plateau, I am a firm believer in “it is what you make it.” So if you keep the spark alive while dating, who’s to say you won’t be able to in a marriage? Especially with a FH that thinks like that. 😉 You two have been together longer than a lot of couple who have dated, been engaged, and gotten married. I think you’ve got the strong stuff.

Committment is a big deal, but it sounds like you two are already quite committed. I have another thought: Perhaps, it’s not the marriage formality so much as the wedding formality? All the “crap” you have to do for one day? That kind of psyches me out too. It seems like an awful lot of effort for one day, and logically I can’t even begin to digest it. (Hence my approach: Don’t think about that!)

Post # 8
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Another poster mentioned this site and it might help you with what you are feeling..

http://www.consciousweddings.com/ 

“In the last decade, I’ve worked to bring the wedding’s shadow into the light and have counseled thousands of women and men worldwide to help them understand what is happening to them. Conscious Weddings is based on the premise that the wedding is an important rite of passage, an event that signifies a change in identity for the bride and groom and a significant transition for parents. The true work during the engagement is not so much about finding the perfect cake and flowers as it is separating from and grieving the ties to the current identity, exploring fears about marriage, and having honest conversations about expectations of what it means to be a “wife” and “husband” today. These are the core emotions that underlie what we commonly refer to as engagement anxiety and cold feet. If this work is not done during the engagement, people often need to revisit the wedding emotions until the transition feels complete. It is never to late to complete this transition, and no matter where you are on your marriage journey, Conscious Weddings bridal counseling can assist you in having the wedding, and marriage, of your dreams.”

Post # 9
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@AmeliaBedelia: Maslow is the shit. I even named one of my cats Maslow.

@oneloveRicherPrice: Are you just not wanting to rock the boat, or do you really think it would be a mistake?

Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Glendale Lyceum

I feel you, girl. More than one time, I’ve had to be reminded by Pdog: “We’re staying the same us.” Life with him is so good- I get nervous that something will change with official titles, even though I know it won’t.

This quote has always calmed me:

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life – Anne Morriss –

 


Post # 13
Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee

I like that quote Prairiedog!

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