(Closed) umm…. what? FMIL's request

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

How does your fiance feel about it? It’s his parents. I think he should handle telling them whatever you two decide together.

Personally, I would tell (have my fiance tell) her to shove it. The step mom gets to sit up front. If she doesn’t want her boyfriend involved, that’s her decision. Make me feel bad for the boyfriend though.

Post # 4
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@solitaire18:  Yeah, that is pretty weird.  I would say, “FMIL, we already have plans on how the ceremony will begin.  We are having boyfriend sit with you, as we feel he is a big part of the family now.  Future Father-In-Law will be sitting with his Wife.”  If she contests, tell her it’s not open for discussion.  Sometimes being stern is the only way …

Post # 5
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah I would definitely talk to fiance about it. I totally understand why Future Mother-In-Law is bitter and angry and I’m not judging because I don’t know how I would live through something like that, however from an outsider’s perspective she is letting her own feelings cause an issue for your day. She should put her feelings aside for this day, and then go back to hating step mom the day after. Perhaps a compromise would be to have immediate family in the front row, and then step-mom and boyfriend in the second row? That way the stepmom is taking a literal backseat to the mother, but you aren’t being flat out rude to her.

I’m fairly confident that if you put step-mom in the back row there are going to be some very serious issues, and I really wouldn’t want people buzzing about that kind of drama on my big day!! Whatever you decide I’d discuss the options with everyone so it won’t be a big surprise. 

Post # 6
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Thats ridiculous.  My dad and his wife sat in the row behind my mom. 

Post # 7
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would also let her know that how she feels does not represent how much of an impact the woman has had in his life.

Post # 8
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@solitaire18:  your situation and mine are similar, except Future Mother-In-Law had more class than to demand where we set people. we also got lucky that Future Brother-In-Law got married first, so we are following his lead.

Future Father-In-Law cheated on Future Mother-In-Law with his current girlfriend (of 7 years) 7 years ago in their marital bed and was caught by Future Mother-In-Law. she kicked him out and he has lived with his girlfriend for the last 7 years. Future Mother-In-Law never dated or remarried. first we are having two couples in the family walk in, then Future Father-In-Law with his current girlfriend. they will be seated in the following order: couple 1 on my side, couple 2 on FI’s side in the middle of the row. then Future Father-In-Law and his girlfriend, who will sit at the end of the row furthest from the groom and I. then we are having Future Mother-In-Law walk in with her two sons that are not getting married (my two FBIL’s) and having her seated in the seat nearest the groom and i, with the couple between her and Future Father-In-Law. they will not be seated at tables with or next to one another.

that’s all you can do. the only other idea i have for your solution is to have Future Father-In-Law walk by himself (weird) and have his wife in the second row (weird.) my suggestion is have Fiance tell her he will walk in with his wife and she will walk in with her boyfriend, that you will not sit them together but she needs to grow up and get over it.

ugh family drama.

Post # 9
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have the exact same situation!!! I mean, my Future Mother-In-Law has not requested that FI’s step-mother be seated in the back, but the divorce, re-married dad, mom’s boyfriend, timing etc are all the same. I would be floored if Future Mother-In-Law asked that the step-mother be seated in the back and my Future Father-In-Law would be PISSED!!  I don’t know how to handle that other than explaining that she should be seated with her Boyfriend or Best Friend and Future Father-In-Law should be seated with FSMIL. That’s how it will be at my wedding. If it were up to my Fiance, his mom’s bf would be the one seated in the back lol. 

Post # 10
Member
3351 posts
Sugar bee

@solitaire18:  Can you say something along the lines of “it’s important to us to acknowledge all of the people who are part of our lives, our family, and friends” and just say that from your perspectives, they are all of value and need to respect everyone?

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@solitaire18:  

wow,just wow.

my Fi,same as yours with the divorce situation.and my future Mother-In-Law has asked crazy things before reguarding his dad.but since my Fiance was firm with his mom about how he thought what was asked by her was crazy,and so did his dad,she has not in years bought up crazy stuff concerning his dad again,yet lol.

since i been in the family for 20 years i would myself tell her no way,he will sit with his wife and his wife will be a part of the day.(thats because i really like my step mil).and if you feel Fi step dad(your mil bf) as family and so does your Fiance then he should be included and sit with the parents to and your Fiance should tell his mom that.

im not sure how your relationship is with your inlaws,but its probly a good idea if your Fiance handles this and talks to his mom.

i usually handle my family and Fiance handles his,there are times though were i step in and tell his mom things so she will take things seriouslly because my Fiance can be to soft hearted and let things be when it shouldnt be let be,if that makes sense.but im always nice about it 🙂

Post # 12
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She’s out of her mind.  And your Fiance should handle any discussions on this topic so that you don’t hurt yourself trying not to laugh in her face.

Post # 13
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My rule is if it is your family, you deal with it. Fi’s family, he deals with it. 

Trust me, you don’t want to get involved in drama on your FI’s side, it never ends well. 

Post # 14
Hostess
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think that’s a little rude for her to expect FSMIL to be seated in the back. I know there’s hurt feelings there… but it didn’t work out – time to move on. She shouldn’t be trying to shame her over something that happened 7+ years ago.

If I was in your situation, I would honestly tell her to put on her big girl panties and deal with it.

But, since you aren’t me, I would gently let her know that her & her boyfriend will be seated together, and fi’s father & step mother will be seated together, perhaps a row behind them.

Post # 15
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@solitaire18:  Tell your mother in law that I said to shut up…she wants to play the No Spouses Aloud game, she can do it in her own treehouse and until then she’s going to sit where the hell you tell her to.

P.S. – It’s only been YEARS since these two people divorced…maybe it’s time she got the hell over it?

Post # 16
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@TwoStatesBride:  

i dont know what i would do you in your situation,wow.what a mess.

i would go with whatever my Fiance wanted and felt in this situation.i would also probly take my mil feelings consideration to,but it would def be the way my Fiance wanted to handle it,i would support him 100%

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