Post # 1
See original post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/ummawkward
Well, bees it’s less than two weeks before the wedding and I am yet to receive an invitation or a call inquiring as to why I have not RSVPed. I was thinking of attending the bachelorette/lingerie party this weekend, but now see no reason to attend (it’s 3 hours away and requires a hotel stay), bring a gift, and miss my FI’s birthday for a girl who can invite me to two wedding-related gift events and not the actual wedding.
But I think I’ll still send a card and perhaps a small token gift with a written word of congratulations. What do you think bees – would Emily Post & Judith Martin be proud?
Post # 3
Yup, that’s awkward. I honestly wouldn’t even send her anything more. It seems within your right to only send a gift or card for an event you’ve been invited to. However, before you ‘snub’ her, is there a way to tactfully find out if she did actually invite you but the invite got lost in transit?
Post # 4
If you want to maintain a friendship then I would send a card and a small gift like you said. But if you do not plan on remaining friends I wouldn’t worry about it or just send a card. I would be offended and definitely would not attend the bac party especially bc it requires so much effort on your part.
My guess is that since you said you couldn’t come to the wedding she just did not mail you an invite either because she ran short on invites, was trying to save postage, was being lazy, or/and does not know proper etiquette. Are you friends with others that are attending the wedding/bac party? You could mention your lack of invite to them, maybe they could bring it up in conversation with the bride there and see her reaction. If it was a mistake you should be getting a phone call within the week and if not just send the card, cross her off the friend list and go buy something for yourself instead.
Post # 5
A card and a small gift sounds really nice.
Post # 6
I think you are handling it admirably! I’d be so weirded out in this situation, but I hope I’d react similarly…I don’t think there’s any reason to totally write her off or make her (or you) feel badly about the whole thing. Send the card, a small/not pricey gift, and feel good about yourself!
Post # 7
Very weird. Even if you have already told her that you would not be able to come, she still should send you an invitation if she expressed that she would be inviting you. I don’t understand why people don’t send invitations even when they hear the person cannot attend – it’s poor ettiquette.
Sure, invitations are expensive, but if you have already told someone you will invite them, then you need to invite them.
Post # 8
Yeah, you’re doing way more than me. I wouldn’t send anything. She obviously doesn’t know proper etiquette…
Post # 9
I think a card and a gift is a very gracious thing to do.
Post # 10
I would send a card and say nothing at this point. I had a couple people I had errors in the mailing address and by the time the invites got back, it was to late to resend. Although I did call ahead and let them know it would be coming late, it is not something to be fuming about.