Post # 1
Tell me if this is crazy or if I’m being ridiculous:
One of my best friend’s ex-girlfriend has assumed that, because she was considered to be the plus one for my friend, she is invited to the wedding… despite the fact that I barely know her and he is coming with his new girlfirend. I would blow it off, but she booked tickets home from NY (the wedding is in OH) and has been posting about how excited she is for months.
I spoke to her about it and sheepishly explained that I hadn’t sent her a save the date because I had sent my buddy one (with the unspoken implication that since they were no longer dating she was no longer invited) and also spoke to my friend to see what he thought. He said it was ok if she came, which I’m glad he’s ok with, but… I really barely know the girl! We’re not inviting some family members because our venue is so small and somehow she gets to come?!
FH suggested I just not send her an invite, and my friend agreed, so I didn’t. 16 days away and I get a message from her: “Hey I didn’t get an invitation to the wedding but would still like to come if the invitation still stands”… What invitation?!?!??! I never inivited you, woman! Argh!
So… Do I let her come? If not, what on earth do I say to her??
Post # 3
Oh, I’m so sorry. While we would love to have you at our wedding, we have already met our guest limit (room limit?) and cannot accommodate more guests. Sorry for any miscommunication or misunderstanding!
Or just have the ex-boyfriend call her and say “Look, you were supposed to be my plus one but since we’re not dating, you’re no longer my plus one and there’s no room for you at the wedding!”
Good luck, hun!
Post # 4
Well thats awkward. If you’re not worried about remaining friends with her (which it sounds like you aren’t) I would tell her that you are sorry for the mix-up, but your venue is small and can only hold a limited number of people. She’ll be offended, but I think you should do it anyway.
Post # 5
Who splits with their boyfriend and then thinks they are still invited? Wow. that’s gutsy. You’re going to have to tell her she isn’t invited.
Post # 6
I agree – if you’re ok not remaining friends with her, let her know that the invitation was really to your friend and his date. If she was his date, then she could obviously come, but given that she clearly isn’t, it’s not really an invitation for her to come too.
Good luck. This is a really awful position for her to put you in, and given that it’s 16 days before the wedding, it’s pretty ballsy for her to ask you if she’s still invited!
Post # 7
exactly what crayfish said! haha she seems kind of nutty!
Post # 8
The thing that makes this situation most awkward is that she has purchased tickets already. I’m not sure what kind of tickets or how refundable they are but it’s hard to be the bad guy that causes these to go to waste.
On the other hand, however, it’s absolutely your wedding.
I think the best thing to do is to ask your best-friend to talk to her about it, since he kind of got you into this mess to begin with. Technically, he replaced her as his date, and so he’s really the only one who owes anyone an explaination.
Post # 9
I agree with arclee. If you aren’t concerned with being friends with her, then just tell her the truth: She was inivted as a plus one and since she’s no longer with your friend, unfortunately that means she’s not invited. I can’t believe someone would still think they can still go after they split from the person actually invited!!
Post # 10
agree ex-bf should bear the burden of explaining.
if you end up having to tell her it’s not going to work out, yes, it will be wicked awkward, but remember, it’s your (collective) day girl! own it, stand up for it, defend it with all your might!! viva la wedding!!! i digress…
on another note: holy heck-a-loo there is a tact chip missing in this guest formerly known as ‘plus one’.
Post # 11
@coconutmellie: Right!! If it weren’t for the plane tickets I would feel less bad. Also, while I don’t know her that well, I do know her, and I absolutely hate hurting people’s feelings, so am dreading that. I’m kind of glad i’m not the only that thinks she was out of line though!
Post # 12
I don’t think she is coming to the wedding for you. I think it is to keep tabs (or possibly break) your best friend’s new relationship. Some women can get really down n’ dirty.
If you have not seen the tickets, or heard from someone local that they have seen it, chances are, she is just making that up so you are ‘forced’ to invite her.
Don’t do it. She might add unnecessary drama to your wedding. I would normally suggest to have your best friend explain to her that she is not invited, but since she is asking YOU directly, YOU should answer directly to her as well. If she can be so tactless as to force her invite on YOUR wedding, you can atleast politely decline having to send it.
You can definitely tell her “I am sorry but there is someone already on that +1 now that my best friend is bringing. I have no extra room or I’d love to have you! Can you believe I am not even able to invite my [name some relative here whom you couldn’t invite due to space or budget ]! Ya! Things are really that tight!”.
Post # 13
I’d just tell her she’s not invited – like you said, you’re not friends with this girl. It’s not like you’ll be losing a friend if she gets mad over it. I’d tell your friend he needs to tell her that she’s not invited because that would be his responsibility if he invited her as his guest and then got a new girlfriend.
If he won’t do it just let her know that she was initially invited as the guest of your friend, since he will be bringing his new girlfriend as a guest that means she’s not invited. 100% agree that she’s just coming to scope out the new girl/keep tabs on him.
Post # 14
Yikes! I definitely think you should just explain she is not invited – go with the first response in the thread and don’t respond if she writes back! I mean, what’s she going to do? Show up by herself, only knowing the ex boyfriend? Who do you seat her near? Is she expecting to be able to bring her own guest?
Can of worms!
Post # 15
do you think she wants to come just so she can get a peek of boy and his new girlfriend? might make for some drama…i think i would come up with a clever excuse liek the previous poster did…reached your guest limit.
Post # 16
I would also wonder what kind of a breakup it was. If it was an amicable one, then she could have assumed that maybe they would still travel together to the wedding and in that case it falls on his shoulders to tell her that he’s taking someone else instead.
If so…. maybe he can deal with the tickets issue.