Post # 1
soooo…my husband just called me to tell me that he wants a ‘real’ dinner tonight. what do you mean, i ask? well, something that is actually cooked. (sidenote: i make a lot of frozen type meals because of my work schedule – those bertolli things or a lot of precooked just reheat stuff from the local grocer.) so anyways, im like well why cant you cook? you are at home now (i came in to the office today at 7 am and will likely be here til after 6). then he goes on talking crazy to me about how if i cooked 4 or 5 times a week, he would be willing to cook every now and then. huh? i’ve never been a domestic woman. and he’s an adult! when he does cook, he makes a BUG OLE mess on purpose so I wont ask him to do it again… so i think i am officially on strike. as is, i do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying… he says – its my job to make the money. so does that mean i dont have to contribute to the bills anymore? becuase right now i am paying HALF of everything, working 10-11 hours a day, and apparently am expected to be a housewife also. seriously, sometimes i really miss living alone. i forsee a huge argument tonight…
Post # 3
I would have laughed at him on the phone.
Discussion is definitely in order — but (and I say this with love) it wil be a LOT more productive if you can stay unemotional and discuss, not fight.
Post # 4
maybe, don’t make an argument, and just cook dinner to show him you love him, even though you don’t feel like it.
I know thats probably not what you want to hear, but it might help to avoid arguing.
Post # 5
That is NOT ok. I don’t really have advice, except you definitely deserve to win this one…
Post # 6
Oh, I’m sorry! But how about this: Surprise him with NO huge agument tonight. Be like a guy, let it roll off your shoulders. Maybe it can go something like this:
Him: Hey, are you gonna cook dinner or what?
you: Oh yeah, about that–I actually grabbed to-go on my way home, I’m beat. Sorry hun, there’s ________ in the fridge. ((and walk out of the room))
If he makes a mess, he makes a mess—let it slide! Men never know ho wto react when we women give them the “eh, whatever” attitude. GOODLUCK
Post # 7
Edit: After reading more carefully, maybe you could talk to him about somethings, like him helping with the bills, or picking up stuff on his way home from work at the store.
Post # 8
thanks ladies. im not a peacekeeper. not my personality at all. i will not be making dinner tonight. how about he gets off his ass and cooks me dinner to show me that he apologies for being such as asshole (especially since he’s at home in front of the TV and im still in the office) and that he respects all the work that I put into this relationship. Cook him a real dinner….he must really be crazy. and here i thought i married such a progressive man! no ‘roles’. no ‘it’s the womans job’…. i could literally scream right now.
Post # 9
LMAO…I like VirginiaMarie’s advice! I mean, really, his attidtude is pretty 1950s.
Post # 10
hisbunny, that’s also a recipe for spending your life doing unpaid labor and being exploited till your resentment boils over and ten years later your ex husband is crying to everyone that he has no idea why she left, it was so sudden.
futurmrs.morgan, I second the advice to keep calm, remember logic is on your side so try to make him explain this with logic. Either you don’t have to pay half the bills or he has to do half the cooking. And that’s not even getting into the fairness of the issue (IMO it is not about the money but the number of hours you spend at work). He’s being an ass and if his only justification for that is that you’re a woman…wow. I’d say stop cooking for him at all. He married a partner not a maid or cook.
Post # 11
he says it’s his job to make the money and yet you’re working 10-11 hour days? How does that work? I would suggest saying “honey if you want a housewife I’m happy to quit my job.” Do the sums (which will presumably prove you can’t afford to do that), prove to him that you’re BOTH contributing to the household and that means not only do you get to share the chores but he isn’t allowed to call you from HOME and demand you cook a meal. How silly.
Post # 12
I think I might have had the same reaction as you! I do most of the cooking and nearly all of the grocery shopping. The difference is I get home 2 hours before my husband does, but I would be annoyed if my husband started to complain about the meals I put together during the week. Sorry you have to deal with that! Though, I agree that trying to approach this as a discussion would go a longer way to a resolution than fighting about it.
Post # 13
futuremrsmorgan I think I would personally do what you’re planning on doing. I would be soooo pissed, I’m a brat though and don’t take comments like that lightly. A marriage is 50/50 and if you’ve never been the “housewife” type why does he all of a sudden want this?
Post # 14
Thankfully bf isn’t mean like that (as in making big messes to get out of it/claiming well it’s his job to make the money). He did suggest we move away from bagged meals, but more because he is watching his weight and because of the sodium in them.
Too bad you don’t have 10lbs of potatoes for just the two of you. You could make a crapton of potato-based foods.
He can’t complain, you’re cooking, and it’s not from a bag…okay, it’s from a bag of potatoes. :p
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2010 - The Mountain Terrace, Woodside, CA
Um, I kinda think those frozen pasta things and whatnot ARE cooking! You put it in the oven or heat it on the stove, right? I do a lot of those type of meals too, since I usually don’t get home until 7:30-8pm and then work out.
You could always just put the frozen pasta on a plate, and see if he prefers that? LOL, maybe then he would appreciate it cooked!
Post # 16
Argh!##$)(*! OK, now that I got that out….
You cannot have a “traditional” breadwinner-homewaker domestic division of labor if you are paying half the bills. I mean, simple definition here. Thus! You pay half the bills; he does half the housework. Also, buy him The Second Shift. This might sound b!tchier than I intend it to, but I do mean it. Talk to him about this; it’s not fair to you, and it is a really spoiled, unrealistic expectation anyway.