Post # 1
Our venue was already booked for the Friday night before our wedding, so we pretty much have to get there first thing that Saturday morning and set everything up/decorate. We are also going to do the rehearsal and a brunch the morning of the wedding for the wedding party and the other people we have coming to help set up. The ceremony is at 4:30pm, so I’m hoping we have time to do all of this!
With this plan, there is no way Fiance and I could possibly not see each other during the morning before the wedding. The venue is about 30 minutes from our apartment, so we planned on getting a room at the hotel we are booking for our guests, and that way we could hang out with our Out of Town friends/family the night before. After the brunch, we plan to go get ready separately with our bridal party, so he still will not see me in the dress until I walk down the aisle.
For some reason, my mom keeps making comments about me staying at their house the night before. I don’t understand the point, I’m still going to see Fiance in the morning while we are decorating and doing the rehearsal and brunch. My parent’s house is almost an hour away from the venue, and that just means I’d have to get up even earlier to make it to the venue by 8am. That is not going to make me a happy bride!
Do you think she’s just trying to do what I’m guessing is, a traditional, thing to do? She does have this “traditional wedding” mindset, and I’m slowly getting her to understand that every wedding is different, and that not all weddings absolutely have to fit this traditional mold she has in her head from the 70s. LOL
Post # 3
Just tell her your plans for the day. Say it in a way that it is already decided. But do it early enough so she has time to get used to the idea.
Post # 4
yeah, that sounds silly. she probably hasn’t wrapped her head around the fact you’ll see him in the AM. plus maybe she thinks she doesn’t want you sleeping together the night before you “consumate your marriage” or something like that haha. mom’s are traditional like that 😉 it’s not a big deal, just tell her no because it’s so far away! no need to get into further details/argument.
Post # 5
@MissCountryGirl727: I think you’re probably right and she likes the idea of you spending the night before separately.
Its kind of funny but I had a pang or two about the fact that my husband and I didn’t spend the night before the wedding separately. It was silly and I knew it because we’d already been living together for a year and a half but…there you are. Some ideas/traditions are hard to shake I guess.
Sounds like you’ll be happier/less stressed staying at the hotel. Do that.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
After living with my FH for the last 2 years I don’t get what is accomplished by not sleeping with him the night before the wedding and seeing him in the morning before I leave to get ready elsewhere. I know it’s a tradition but isn’t it based on the tradition that the groom wasn’t allowed to see the bride before the wedding so that if she wasn’t who he thought she was or she was ugly, he wouldn’t run away before saying his vows? I think we invest way too much time and effort into worrying about something that has little or no bearing on whether your marriage is going to work out.
Tell your mom that logistically it makes more sense to sleep over since you will be seeing him before the ceremony anyway and make it a non-topic (i.e. change the subject any time she brings it up and don’t bring it up yourself in conversation.)
Post # 7
@MissCountryGirl727: yes, it is traditional. time away so that you miss each other more.
i am going to stay with my mom from wednesday night to friday night (friday night we are staying at the hotel)
we will see each other at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. we are also probably going to go out with our guests for a little bit after.
then he won’t see me again until we do the first look.
Post # 8
I saw my husband before the wedding, but we slept at separate places the night before for good luck. It was kind of nice to have some private time, and think about getting married the next day. I think she’s trying to do the traditional thing.
I also slept GREAT, not having anyone else in the bed. It was awesome 🙂
Post # 9
We’ve been living together for 6 years, so I don’t think it will do much good to not stay together the night before…it will only end up being a pain for me to have to get up way earlier! lol
Post # 10
Maybe it is a tradition thing, but I think it is just as likely that your mother is feeling emotional about seeing her daughter getting married, and jsut wants to spend that last night with you.
Just tell her the logistics of your planning, and I’m sure it will go well.
Post # 11
Maybe they just want to spend one more night with their daughter before she becomes a missus. You should ask. I’m assuming they just want you to themselves one last time. 🙂
Post # 12
My mom is doing the same thing!! I’m barely engaged (still trying to pick out my ring, no venue in mind, no invited sent!!) and she’s already selected the hotel her, I, and my stepdad can stay at the night before..
She’s usually not overbearing at all, nor traditional.. so I think it’s an emotional thing as well.
Post # 13
DH and I stayed together the night before at our apartment. The only time we didn’t see each other was when we were getting ready. I stayed on one side of the house. He stayed on the other. My brothers and Maid/Matron of Honor were in charge of making sure he was ready for the first look and when to come get me. It was magical either way.
Post # 14
@MissCountryGirl727: She has it in her head from old movies- some fantasy idea of her last night with her little girl so she can chat with you, cry, and play pre-wedding sleepover. Just tell her it won’t work if it doesn’t work for you.
Much to my amusement, my fiancé wants to stay with his family the night before our wedding. We have lived together for 2 years. We are getting to Maui two days before our wedding and have a suite at the Ritz-Carlton. He is actually trading two nights is a glamorous honeymoon suite for two nights playing the third wheel in his groomsmen’s and parents’ hotel rooms. He says he should not sleep in the honeymoon suite until after the wedding, but I really think he wants to hide from any potential last minute wedding drama/work, so he can drink beer and chill. I am good with that, because it gives me and my girls more space before the wedding. Instead of having to get dressed in a special room, I can have people come to my suite now and help me get dressed.
Post # 16
One of my gfs lived with her now-husband for maybe 5 yrs or so before they got married. It was really cool to just have a sleepover/girls’ night and hang out together the night before the wedding and getting ready- she loved it. I’d never really thought about why to do that or not before that night. Her husband is a very very silly guy. He cried when he saw her walk down the aisle & I think that night of sleeping apart and being with “the girls” and “the guys” to reflect on the next day really helped to make it even more special than it would have been.
Regardless of what you want to do the night before, I’d recommend figuring out somebody else to help decorate in your place on the day of. You’ll have so much going on that day, it seems like it’d be best for you not to have to do things like that?