(Closed) Ummm…what's the point in this??

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
1631 posts
Bumble bee

Just tell her your plans for the day. Say it in a way that it is already decided. But do it early enough so she has time to get used to the idea. 


Post # 4
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

yeah, that sounds silly. she probably hasn’t wrapped her head around the fact you’ll see him in the AM. plus maybe she thinks she doesn’t want you sleeping together the night before you “consumate your marriage” or something like that haha. mom’s are traditional like that 😉 it’s not a big deal, just tell her no because it’s so far away! no need to get into further details/argument.

Post # 5
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MissCountryGirl727:  I think you’re probably right and she likes the idea of you spending the night before separately. 

Its kind of funny but I had a pang or two about the fact that my husband and I didn’t spend the night before the wedding separately.  It was silly and I knew it because we’d already been living together for a year and a half but…there you are.  Some ideas/traditions are hard to shake I guess.

Sounds like you’ll be happier/less stressed staying at the hotel.  Do that.

Post # 6
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

After living with my FH for the last 2 years I don’t get what is accomplished by not sleeping with him the night before the wedding and seeing him in the morning before I leave to get ready elsewhere.  I know it’s a tradition but isn’t it based on the tradition that the groom wasn’t allowed to see the bride before the wedding so that if she wasn’t who he thought she was or she was ugly, he wouldn’t run away before saying his vows? I think we invest way too much time and effort into worrying about something that has little or no bearing on whether your marriage is going to work out.

Tell your mom that logistically it makes more sense to sleep over since you will be seeing him before the ceremony anyway and make it a non-topic (i.e. change the subject any time she brings it up and don’t bring it up yourself in conversation.)

Post # 7
7935 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissCountryGirl727:  yes, it is traditional.  time away so that you miss each other more.

i am going to stay with my mom from wednesday night to friday night (friday night we are staying at the hotel)

we will see each other at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  we are also probably going to go out with our guests for a little bit after.

then he won’t see me again until we do the first look.

Post # 8
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I saw my husband before the wedding, but we slept at separate places the night before for good luck.  It was kind of nice to have some private time, and think about getting married the next day.  I think she’s trying to do the traditional thing. 

I also slept GREAT, not having anyone else in the bed.  It was awesome 🙂 

Post # 10
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Maybe it is a tradition thing, but I think it is just as likely that your mother is feeling emotional about seeing her daughter getting married, and jsut wants to spend that last night with you.

Just tell her the logistics of your planning, and I’m sure it will go well.

Post # 11
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Maybe they just want to spend one more night with their daughter before she becomes a missus. You should ask. I’m assuming they just want you to themselves one last time. 🙂

Post # 12
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My mom is doing the same thing!! I’m barely engaged (still trying to pick out my ring, no venue in mind, no invited sent!!) and she’s already selected the hotel her, I, and my stepdad can stay at the night before..

She’s usually not overbearing at all, nor traditional.. so I think it’s an emotional thing as well.

Post # 13
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

DH and I stayed together the night before at our apartment. The only time we didn’t see each other was when we were getting ready. I stayed on one side of the house. He stayed on the other. My brothers and Maid/Matron of Honor were in charge of making sure he was ready for the first look and when to come get me. It was magical either way. 

Post # 14
1502 posts
Bumble bee

@MissCountryGirl727:  She has it in her head from old movies- some fantasy idea of her last night with her little girl so she can chat with you, cry, and play pre-wedding sleepover.   Just tell her it won’t work if it doesn’t work for you.

Much to my amusement, my fiancé wants to stay with his family the night before our wedding.  We have lived together for 2 years. We are getting to Maui two days before our wedding and  have a suite at the Ritz-Carlton.  He is actually trading two nights is a glamorous honeymoon suite for two nights playing the third wheel in his groomsmen’s and parents’ hotel rooms. He says he should not sleep in the honeymoon suite until after the wedding, but I really think he wants to hide from any potential last minute wedding drama/work, so he can drink beer and chill. I am good with that, because it gives me and my girls more space before the wedding.  Instead of having to get dressed in a special room, I can have people come to my suite now and help me get dressed.


Post # 16
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

One of my gfs lived with her now-husband for maybe 5 yrs or so before they got married.  It was really cool to just have a sleepover/girls’ night and hang out together the night before the wedding and getting ready- she loved it.  I’d never really thought about why to do that or not before that night.  Her husband is a very very silly guy.  He cried when he saw her walk down the aisle & I think that night of sleeping apart and being with “the girls” and “the guys” to reflect on the next day really helped to make it even more special than it would have been.  

Regardless of what you want to do the night before, I’d recommend figuring out somebody else to help decorate in your place on the day of.  You’ll have so much going on that day, it seems like it’d be best for you not to have to do things like that?


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