(Closed) Ummm…why did I…?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsWe:  I’m not surprised that it doesn’t often work out. If the man doesn’t propose, that’s usually a good indicator that he’s not ready for marriage.

Post # 4
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@somethingaquamarine:  +1 to this unfortunately.

If you truly believe that you are both ready to take that next step I would do it anyway. There’s a first time for everything…

Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I proposed to my husband. We are married now for three weeks. However, after I “proposed,” we went out and bought a ring and then HE proposed. So we kind of had it all.

Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I know a girl IRL who proposed to her man and a year later, they’re broken up.  I think for the most part, it’s not a great idea, not due to gender roles, but because the person who isn’t ready first (usually the male, as we all know) needs to get there on their own, and chances are a proposal won’t serve any purpose other than to pressure them.

Post # 7
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This just means you will be the first success story on the bee 🙂 !

Post # 8
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I do think a lot of women who propose may be proposing because they are ready but their man is not. I was not in that situation… for us it was the first time we had discussed marriage, and we both agreed that we wanted to marry each other someday, so I said, “So why don’t we get engaged?” and he was like “Yes! I mean, oh my god what is happening, did you just propose? Did we just get engaged? I am so confused, we need a ring, oh my god.” So then we went ring shopping. So possibly it was just a discussion with the added aspect of my husband flipping out.

Post # 9
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@distracts:  That is absolutely adorable! His freaking out is so cute.

I do agree that they are more likely to end in a broken engagement because like annikin said the guy may not really be ready to make that commitment.

However, MrsWe, you know your partner best and I know he did say that he liked the idea of the girl proposing!

Post # 10
Member
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsWe:  Ok I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’ve read your posts about your relationship and, even though he said he was cool with it, I really REALLY don’t think it’s a good idea for you to propose. He seems like a very traditional guy. While he may not realize it now, I think he would end up feeling weird about it. You guys will be asked about how it happened over and over again. He WILL get crap from his friends about not “manning up”. If he’s not totally confident and really progressive, this is going to bug him. 

I totally think women proposing is perfectly acceptable. I just really don’t think it works for everyone and I don’t think the “women do the cleaning, men do the fixing” guy is one who’s going to be happy about it in the long run. 

Post # 11
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I know of 1 girl who proposed to her Boyfriend or Best Friend a few years ago and nothing has come out of it, although they are still together

another girl proposed to her bf last year and they are getting married next year (or plans have it)

Post # 12
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FEDORAble:  All of that, +1!

Yes, it depends on the guy. I would have done it but Fiance is quite traditional. What I did instead was muse out loud about proposing to him. We both are fully on the same page about where our relationship is going, but threatening to propose sort of lit a fire under him. Of course, I wouldn’t have done it unless I was absolutely sure of a,”Yes!”. 

I think you’re both ok with it, you should go for it!

Post # 13
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m not surprised that it doesn’t often work out. If the man doesn’t propose, that’s usually a good indicator that he’s not ready for marriage.

So true! If you can’t have an adult conversation about getting married, and a ballpark timeline, then you’re probably best off waiting until he proposes. My SO and I discussed marriage from the first week we were together (maybe not typical), but it shouldn’t be a taboo topic. I don’t think he’s going to propose per se… basically we’ll get the ring (that we picked together), and then figure out a date to wed lol.
 
It’s also typically a male thing to propose, so it can be very emasculating and embarrassing for a guy to be proposed to. It can be seen as manipulative as well… like you’re not exactly giving him a choice.

Post # 16
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsWe:  I’m going to back you no matter what you decide to do, I would just encourage you to make POSITIVE you think he’d really say yes because he’s 100% ready. If that means feeling him out some more, I would…

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