- 12 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Oh dear. Dear oh dear.
Background: My mom has been widowed now for 10 years and was happily married and only married to my dad. About 9 years ago she began dating her x high school boyfriend. He’s a pretty nice guy, but he wasn’t forthcoming (neither was she) that if they married she’d be wifey number FOUR for him. Well we weren’t too thrilled with that but we love our mom and she marches to the beat of a different drummer after dad died..she became very egocentric and much like a teenager to be totally honest. Roles ended up reversing and I pretty much became THE MOM in the situation rather than her daughter. My sis and I were skeptical of this guy because of his track record and because he told her for years he wanted to marry her and never formally asked her.
Inbetween many breakups and this guy now resides several states away in TX. He comes home (they’ve been broken up for 2 years now) for the holiday weekend and apparently asked my mom to dinner. Well she went and now the whole "maybe I should marry him" thing comes up again.
She then says (because she knows HER PARENTS who are both close to 90 years old now don’t approve of him and my sis and I aren’t his biggest fans and neither is my aunt)"should I do it? I really don’t want to TELL ANYBODY but you about it if I do." I told her it’d be a serious problem if she did that without letting the rest of the family know and that I’m not one to ever mislead/lie about stuff. I told her I’d always be honest. She then got angry and said that WE were keeping HER from BEING HAPPY.
Sorry, wtf? This is MY MOTHER we’re talking about, not a lovesick 15 year old. I was stunned and bewildered at her yet continued behavior tonight. I talked this over w/my great aunt and my guy T and he said "wow. I support you 100 percent. But there CAN be a perk to having an invisible mother in law ya know?". He was trying to be funny but it’s serious…Did I mention that since my mom has had the 15 year old behaviors that she hasn’t had time to come and see my son in several years or even take me up on offers to come here to visit (me pay for plane tix, or gas money).
At the close of the convo with my mom, she said "Well maybe I can come see you later this summer when (son’s) birthday is. My bf can drive down there and that’s pretty much the only way since I don’t like to drive long distances and I hate flying."
I am literally stunned. What the hell is next? Is she gonna ask if we can have a double wedding or something? I don’t want to see this casanova guy of hers. I’m sorry…but he’s a bit of imho a womanizer in his time and there IS A REASON my almost 90 yo grandparents didn’t want her dating him even back in high school!
T just kept saying "I’m sorry honey. I know this is stressful for you and your mother is an irrelevant issue to me. We’re happy either way, with her around or not."
I’m tired of MOTHERING my 69 year old mom. I’m also tired of her idiotic behaviors. I’m tired of NOT having her be a grandmother. I feel like when my dad passed, my mom just kinda morphed into this strange teenager locked in a grandma’s body (although she is an attractive lady for her age).