Post # 1
Ladies I have married into a wonderful family. However, there are times when I don’t want to be bothered… doesn’t last long maybe a few hours or a day. Need “ME” time then I am cool. So, hubby and I took a trip —didn’t tell anyone. I got a call from his aunt, she is nice, but I don’t always want to give an account as to where I have been… we are newlyweds and grown adults.
When I did not answer the call (because I was doing something else), and didn’t return it (I was going to later) I am also working and trying to finish my Master’s. (SO LOADS OF WORK!!!!) Anyway, I hadn’t had the time to answer the phone call back, when she SHOWS UP at our home.
Mind you we are just getting back from a trip, suit cases everywhere, his things thrown here and there (trying to unpack), living room AMESS… me studying…. this, that, and the other. I told him .. I can’t do this right now I am busy, take care of it! HE did (had a lil chit chat outside, then she was on her way). Nevertheless, hubby says I should not have done that…. WHAT??? HOW AM I THE ONE BEING RUDE??? You call, don’t get an answer…. so you Just Show Up at people’s house??? (she knows nothing was wrong, mother in law goes to same church she could have just asked her where we were.
I told my husband I am sorry because he says he wouldn’t do that to my aunts. AS A WOMAN, AND NEWLYWED I don’t want people in my house if it is not spotless, smelling nice, and if I am extremely comfortable (not dressed for company) and don’t want any…. Was I wrong here???? Has this happened to you?
Post # 3
Well we live to far away from everyone for this to happen to me. This might be the norm in his family? For your sake I hope not. I would tell your husband why you’re upset about it, and have him deal with his family. You’re studying duh of course you do not want company.
Post # 4
To be honest, I’m the same way. I can’t stand people just showing up! FI’s dad does it sometimes. Once he showed up at 9 on a week night when I was in my pjs! I was mortified and Fiance kept him in his workshop to talk, but he just wouldn’t leave. I also live on a farm and people always show up when I’ve just finished doing some dirty work and I’m sweaty or gross, and then I feel super embarassed & uncomfortable having to talk to them. You totally weren’t wrong! I was always taught it’s polite to let someone know you would like to stop by, and make sure it’s a good time.
Post # 5
It was incredibly rude of that person to show un unannounced after not getting an answer. That’s only ok if there is an emergency.
Your husband should make it clear to them that they need to call(and get a yes!) first next time!
Post # 6
Hasn’t happened to me, but I totally understand where you’re coming from. I hate having people over when my house isn’t clean.
Post # 7
DH’s family is like this. We live VERY close to most of his relatives and they have all been known to do this occasionally. Luckily, not very often. It bothers me also, but he acts like it’s no big deal.
Post # 8
We have a no show-up rule in our house! And seriously if Darling Husband knows his mom is coming over EVERYTHING in the house better be in order or I’m NOT HAPPY! I’m VERY weird about people coming over if the house isn’t clean, not just straightened up but CLEAN CLEAN. Even my own mom doesn’t come over unannounced.
The only persons house I just show up too is my moms, but I also work there and well lived there until I got married and moved out.
Definitley rude of your DH’s aunt to just show up like that. =/
Post # 9
No she was rude for showing up unannounced.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
This is an ongoing issue in our household and I HATE it. If you have not confirmed that it’s okay for you to be a guest then don’t come over. Simple. And leaving a voicemail saying “We’ll be there in two hours!” doesn’t count.
Mr. D has no problem with unexpected guests but I have a major problem with it. It smacks of presumption and that drives me mad.
Post # 11
Lol, happened to my friend with her inlaws, only she and her Darling Husband were having sex. They had been married a year, and she was sick of them showing up unannounced, so they ignored them and kept having sex, lol! They didn’t show up unannounced for a long while.
Post # 12
I told him .. I can’t do this right now I am busy, take care of it! HE did (had a lil chit chat outside, then she was on her way
she was rude to arrive without speaking to you first but you were rude to leave her outside on the front porch and not speak to her or invite her in
mess or no mess, you should have simply said sorry for the mess, weve been super busy and offered her a seat and hopefully she would decline and leave sooner than later
i had a ex bf show up on my doorstep yesterday, annoying aunts i can deal with
Post # 13
This would drive me insane! I am also neurotic about the house being cleaned if people are coming over! We don’t have a rule about it per se, but luckily neither side of our family is in the habit of coming over without clearing it first.
You were totally in the right!
However, the caveat would be if you had behaved badly in front of the aunt. Being upset is one thing and asking your husband to handle it as well, but maybe your husband was upset because you made a scene in front of his aunt? I don’t know, but it is reasonable to be frusterated for sure!
Post # 14
This is why I live states away from family. No unexpected guests lol. But on a seperate note, Fiance would kill me if I let anyone in if the place wasn’t clean. He grew up in a much cleaner household (mine was perfectly sanitary btw) than I did so a mess drives him nuts.
Post # 15
Sorry it took so long to reply, I decided to get to a stopping point, put on clothes and VISIT HER! HAHA genius. So, I drove up, knocked, went in…. he husband got her out of bed… She was in her night clothes and has to get a robe and WAS SO NOT READY (like Me)… we sat down and talked about why she visited…. I broke down and told her where we were and decided to swallow my pride. I love her I do, and I know she loves us, but I just wasn’t ready.
I have a nice long visit about 45 minutes to an hour. I really enjoy her I just didn’t have time earlier. I caught her off guard though…. maybe now she knows how it feels and won’t do it to me again.
Post # 16
@MuchGreater: I’m glad you talked to her and cleared the air!