(Closed) UN-announced guest… Please help!

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well we live to far away from everyone for this to happen to me. This might be the norm in his family? For your sake I hope not. I would tell your husband why you’re upset about it, and have him deal with his family. You’re studying duh of course you do not want company. 

Post # 4
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To be honest, I’m the same way. I can’t stand people just showing up! FI’s dad does it sometimes. Once he showed up at 9 on a week night when I was in my pjs! I was mortified and Fiance kept him in his workshop to talk, but he just wouldn’t leave. I also live on a farm and people always show up when I’ve just finished doing some dirty work and I’m sweaty or gross, and then I feel super embarassed & uncomfortable having to talk to them. You totally weren’t wrong! I was always taught it’s polite to let someone know you would like to stop by, and make sure it’s a good time.

Post # 5
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

It was incredibly rude of that person to show un unannounced after not getting an answer. That’s only ok if there is an emergency. 

Your husband should make it clear to them that they need to call(and get a yes!) first next time!

Post # 6
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hasn’t happened to me, but I totally understand where you’re coming from. I hate having people over when my house isn’t clean.

Post # 7
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

DH’s family is like this.  We live VERY close to most of his relatives and they have all been known to do this occasionally.  Luckily, not very often.  It bothers me also, but he acts like it’s no big deal.

Post # 8
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We have a no show-up rule in our house! And seriously if DH knows his mom is coming over EVERYTHING in the house better be in order or I’m NOT HAPPY! I’m VERY weird about people coming over if the house isn’t clean, not just straightened up but CLEAN CLEAN. Even my own mom doesn’t come over unannounced.

The only persons house I just show up too is my moms, but I also work there and well lived there until I got married and moved out.

Definitley rude of your DH’s aunt to just show up like that. =/

Post # 9
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

No she was rude for showing up unannounced. 

Post # 10
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride\'s residence

This is an ongoing issue in our household and I HATE it. If you have not confirmed that it’s okay for you to be a guest then don’t come over. Simple. And leaving a voicemail saying “We’ll be there in two hours!” doesn’t count.

Mr. D has no problem with unexpected guests but I have a major problem with it. It smacks of presumption and that drives me mad.

Post # 11
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Lol, happened to my friend with her inlaws, only she and her DH were having sex.  They had been married a year, and she was sick of them showing up unannounced, so they ignored them and kept having sex, lol!  They didn’t show up unannounced for a long while.

Post # 12
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I told him .. I can’t do this right now I am busy, take care of it! HE did (had a lil chit chat outside, then she was on her way

she was rude to arrive without speaking to you first but you were rude to leave her outside on the front porch and not speak to her or invite her in

mess or no mess, you should have simply said sorry for the mess, weve been super busy and offered her a seat and hopefully she would decline and leave sooner than later

i had a ex bf show up on my doorstep yesterday, annoying aunts i can deal with

Post # 13
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This would drive me insane!  I am also neurotic about the house being cleaned if people are coming over!  We don’t have a rule about it per se, but luckily neither side of our family is in the habit of coming over without clearing it first.

You were totally in the right!

However, the caveat would be if you had behaved badly in front of the aunt.  Being upset is one thing and asking your husband to handle it as well, but maybe your husband was upset because you made a scene in front of his aunt?  I don’t know, but it is reasonable to be frusterated for sure!

Post # 14
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is why I live states away from family. No unexpected guests lol. But on a seperate note, Fiance would kill me if I let anyone in if the place wasn’t clean. He grew up in a much cleaner household (mine was perfectly sanitary btw) than I did so a mess drives him nuts.

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