Un-invited with no explanation

posted 2 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Wait.. so you asked about it and they said they would bring the invitation over? 

So you are invited? 

I’m confused about what your question is? 

Post # 3
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s possible it was lost in the mail, and possible the website had a technical glitch or user error (theirs), but with both happening, I’d say it seems more likely you actually got pushed to the B list, and then when called on it, they pushed you back to the A list.

 

Unless they had a third party send out invites and set up the online RSVP, in which it could have been that you were always invited and the third party just messed up.

Post # 4
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

It seems unlikely that they were trying to uninvite you if they told you to be on the look out for the invite.

jelly456 :  

Post # 5
Member
9390 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

They are bringing over the invite. You are invited. There could be a million different explanations. If they are your friends I would just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume some mishap happened and move on.

Post # 6
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Tatum :  I think with online RSVPs they don’t get added to the list on the website until the RSVP is registered. So what OP was seeing was a list of guests who had gone online to give their RSVP. 

Post # 7
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sboom :  But it sounds like the couple asked people to RSVP online and when the OP tried to do so, it wouldn’t let her, saying no invitation found.

Post # 8
Member
11495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

They could have inadvertently left your name off of the master list, which could explain why it was missing on both counts. I’d assume the best. Mistakes can happen. And obviously they are rectifying it now. 

ETA They even told you to watch out for the invitation. 

Post # 9
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Granted “several weeks” is somewhat ambiguous but this:

Now, we’re wondering where our invitation is, as our other friends in our friend group received their invites several weeks ago. …we just saw the couple a few weeks ago and they said to “keep an eye out in the mail for our invitation because they just mailed them out.”

 

Makes me think the OP questioned these people when their mutual friends started getting invites, to which they said, oh yours must still be coming, we just mailed them out, not that they randomly told her to be on the lookout for an invite without any prompting from OP.

 

Post # 10
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

weddingmaven :  That is possible, but you’d think they would have used the same list for save the dates as they did for final invite lists.

Post # 11
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

It’s possible there was a misspelling on the invitation and therefore the website. Or perhaps they used the same master list for addressing the invitations as they did the website but OP was missed. Mistakes happen and that would explain why they are both missing from the website and haven’t received the invitation. When she spoke with the couple was probably when they realized the mistake and then went to double check what for sent out and did a second batch with any that were missed. 

I generally try to assume the best and I think that is the right way to approach this situation, OP. If they didn’t want you there they wouldn’t have sent you a save the date. Assume it was a mistake and graciugrac accept the invitation when it arrives / they bring it by.

And yeah they probably started with the same list at the save the dates but maybe added a few people or removed some that already said they wouldn’t come, and somewhere along the line a couple lines got messed up. It happens.  Or if they did a batch upload to the website if there was an email field it would have created an error if there was a mistake in the email (a space or invalid character). 

Post # 12
Member
831 posts
Busy bee

It looks like it was either an oversight or a system glitch. If they said just a few weeks ago to keep an eye out for the invitation, I don’t think they were intending to un-invite you. 

Post # 13
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Yeah, we actually had a few invities returned to us even though the Save the date went through just fine. I was horrified when people didn’t get the invitation. And it could be that your name was just skipped over for some reason when the invitations/RSVP set up was being done. My mom missed a name by accident and we didn’t catch it until a week after the invites went out. We apologized and made sure they got the invite ASAP! 

Post # 14
Member
11495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Tatum :  It certainly could have been taken from the same original list, with OP’s name accidentally left off a subsequent or final one used for both invitations ond online RSVPs. You can have spreadsheet goof ups, copying goof ups, etc. 

Post # 15
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

jelly456 :  We had this happen with one of our friends.  We received a STD and no invite. 

There was a mistake along the way and no invite was made for us.  We found out other people had received their invites and when we contacted our friends (because we had received the STD) they were horrified and very apologetic that they had to text all the details.

We were on all the printed table lists and stuff, so it was clear we were intended to be invited all along. 

When I had my invites made, the lady made a mistake and forgot 2.  She didn’t see them on the bottom of the list or something.  Luckily I cross checked and noticed, and she made them for me before I sent them out.

So it does happen!  Since your friends have been forthcoming about the invite and you received a STD, I would assume that it’s just been an honest mistake. 

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