Post # 1
Firstly, I never thought I would be writing this post, but alas life is full of supprises and weddings bring out the crazy in people. One of my really good friends has been acting in a very crazy manner towards myself, my bridesmaids and my other friends during the course of my wedding. I felt like I was handeling it really well as I know she suffers from mental health issues – and I have been a good friend to her for years. However, most recently she has gone nuts and myself and my best friend as there were no strippers at my hens night – calling my best friend a liar, saying she hoped she never saw her again and that she was a boring nothing of a person and refusing to come. It was a bit more harsh than this but I am sure you get the point.
She also went nuts at her husband, and quite a few of my other friends – out of the blue sending them texts or emails with horrible and insulting messages.
Perhaps, not suprisingly I don’t want her to come because it’s just going to be so awkward. Most of my friends really dislike her because she has said so many mean things to them. She has been mean to me about my wedding, my life, the house we just bough and my partner.
I am not really sure what to do. Can I un-invite her? I don’t want to set her off again – but I don’t really know what to do?
I feel even with mental health issues her behaviour has been pretty unforgiving.
Post # 2
Uninvite her and cut her out of your life. She sounds incredibly toxic and that friendship is not worth it, mental health issues or not. I wouldn’t want to deal with that plus the stresses of planning a wedding.
But I have to wonder, was she like this at all before your engagement? Or just recently?
Post # 3
NowraJanBride: It sounds like your friend needs help and understanding from her friends. Is anyone trying to do that?
Post # 4
I have really tried to be supportive of her for a very long time. In fact we all have been very sympathetic… I have tried ringing her and speaking to her, but her behaviour is so exteme its very hard to do. One of my other friends is trying to help her…but its not very easy going.
Post # 5
None of us have said anything bad to her, evern when she has gone off at us.. we have all tried to be very forgiving… but it’s hard when some acts in such a crazy manner..
She was not like this to me before my engagement. I knew she had issues and I have always been supportive, but since I became engaged she has been very horrible to me.
She recieves a lot of treatment, but she seems to be getting worse… I can’t help but wonder if its not the mental health issues but jealousy 🙁
Post # 6
If she is doing this now and you’re only just in the planning stages, imagine her behavior at the actual wedding and afterwards. As someone who has a very mentally unstable brother, I know it’s hard when loved ones start flying off the handle and they cant control it. His stems from anxiety, and he tends to act out more when he’s unmedicated, which unfortunately is very common for him. You need to understand that a mentally unstable person’s perception is much different than a stable person’s perception. Their own perceptions are seen as normal because that’s how they see themselves. They don’t see themselves as acting out, they only see themselves as reacting as they feel they should. Trying to tell them otherwise is like trying to tell them they’re from Mars–they more than likely will not believe you and will see you as a threat to their perceptions.
Your friend is not trying to work things out despite your efforts, which more than likely means she is also not trying to reach out for help. Depending on what mental issue she has, then perhaps jealously is the answer since you are now the one receiving the attention. She wants your attention alright, and you are giving it to her. I will revise my previous advice and now suggest that you try to have a one on one with her to see what her issues are, and if she refuses then I suggest an uninvite. She may or may not come crawling back, but that’s up to you on where you want this friendship to go now that her true colors show.
Post # 7
I have a friend with lupus and when she changes medication, it changes her personality – until the adjusts, or switches again to find something better. She has done exactly the things you wrote about.. firing off angry group messages on Facebook, texting about us excluding her, say harsh things out of nowhere, etc.
A year later, she is so much better and I’m glad we waited it out.
My advice: She might be going through a hard time. People who act out usually are. Just calmly proceed with your wedding planning and let HER decide if she wants to come or not. You won’t create an enemy. In my opinion, disinviting someone would cause a lot MORE drama than just allowing her to attend. She’d probably come, have some cake, and bid you adieu.
Post # 8
NowraJanBride: Do you know her husband well enough to talk to him about the situation? If he’s involved in the decision, it may might help. He may agree that going to your wedding might not be the best thing for her to do.