(Closed) UN-inviting my mom/sister from the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lucyduck:  I would but that’s just me life is to short for people that don’t care about you.

Post # 4
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think you need to protect your feelings and do what makes you happy. If they don’t want to be involved find people that do and surround yourself with people that are actually happy for you. Congrats on the engagement and wedding planning 🙂

Post # 5
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’ve already paid for them, they might as well go!

Instead, cut them off emotionally. Don’t share your good news with them, or your bad news. You don’t have to cut them out of your life, but definitely don’t expect anything from them!

Post # 6
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lucyduck:  if you can, get a refund for their flights and hotels. If not, invite people who are truly happy for you!!! To be honest, they sound quite selfish and greedy, as they only care about themselves, not you

I know it hurts because you expect your own mom and sister to be excited and there for you during this big time in your life, especially since you have been there for them.  However, since they are not, stop wasting your time and getting your feelings hurt for people who don’t care for you. You sound like you’re a good person, and you deserve to be treated better!!

Congratulations to you! You are going to make a beautiful bride! Smile

Post # 7
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was once very close to my younger 25 year old brother and my mother.  For various non-wedding related events we had falling outs at different times in the last two years.  My little brother did not come to my first “little field wedding”. It is almost time for the big cerememony and I am in similar position.  I have patched things up enough with my mother but my brother is no where to be seen.  He wasn’t around for my twin sisters wedding events and when he did show up he was embarrasingly intoxicated.  I try to extend an olive branch 6 months ago but he continually puts me off.  I have decided it is simply not worth it. It hurts, and there is a constant compulsion to have your family around despite that hurt. I think it must be biological.  If you allow someone to be around who is hurting you then you really are just hurting yourself.  That isn’t something I imagine you need or want.  You can’t change who they are but you can change how you deal with them.  I think that you should put distance between you. Look and see how much it means to have them there as far as you can imagine into the future.  You sound as if you have been exceedingly supportive of your family. You deserve the same.  There is nothing wrong with taking time to think about your needs.  If you need them in your life then make contact to set some boudaries and clearely state them. I don’t think emotional blackmail is a very productive way to solve problems and typically most self involved people don’t even realise it.  My mother is the queen of this.

Good luck.

My heart goes out to you.

Post # 8
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lucyduck:  I am so sorry, that is so shitty! But now the only thing you can control is how you react to them. I would just stop speaking to them. If you can get a refund that woud be great. Then you can just forward them an email showing that their reservations have been cancelled without saying a word, because they don’t even deserve a word from you!!! I would plan the wedding as though they didn’t exist. They will have to live with thhe guilt that is bound to kick in at some point in their lives that they did not participate in your big day. If I lived in Canada, I’d throw you a B-party!!Don’t let them suck away the joy of this time in your life!!!

Post # 9
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry that your mom and sister haven’t been enthusiastic about your engagement or wedding planning.  It’s unfortunate that they will not go dress shopping with you, because they should really want  to do that with you. They also should be reimbursing you for epenses to which they committed and for which they asked you to front the money. It is wrong and irresponsible of them for not showing any interest in paying you back or at least explaining why they cannot do so at this time.
However, some of the things that are bothering you really are not the responsibility of the bride’s family.  For example, etiquette states that the bride’s mother and family should not host the shower. Likewise, if there is a bachelorette party, it is normally arranged by friends of the bride. I would not fault your mother and sister for not doing those things. I know that you said that you are in an area where you do not have any friends, but perhaps your friends where you used to live may be planning something in your honor. Are you having a bridal party?

Post # 10
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@lucyduck:  I really feel for you because we want our wedding to be so special and sometimes our family just doesn’t care as much as we would hope. I’m sorry, that must really hurt. I wouldn’t un-invite them, send them an invite but otherwise don’t talk about the wedding. They’re being jerks and you shouldn’t have to worry about it. I guarantee they come to yuor wedding!!

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