Post # 1
TO make a very long story short, I am rethinking our guest list. How would you handle NOT sending an invitation to someone that thinks they are invited?
How would you address changing your mind on who will be invited? My guest list is complete, no invites have been sent out, but I am thinking about removing some people and not sure if I should just do it and leave it be or have a conversation with those people so they aren’t expecting an invite. Or just send them an invite and tough it out since I spoke too soon and now they’re thinking they are invited.
If it matters, these people are no longer being invited because I realized they won’t be coming for the right reasons.
Post # 2
What are the right (or wrong) reasons for going to a wedding?
Technically, since you haven’t sent out an invitations you can change your mind. But if you’ve verbally invited them then it would be very rude/cause hurt feelings. I would tough it out and invite them. Deciding that thier reasons for coming aren’t good enough doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to uninvite someone.
Post # 3
Did you actually tell these people that they were invited previously? How many people are we talking?
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
Why do they think
they would be invited?
Have you sent them a Save the Date? Or did you kind of verbally mention about the Wedding?
If you’ve sent STDs then most Bees will tell you that it’s incredibly rude not to follow up with an invitation.
If you’ve mentioned it verbally, you probably have some wiggle room if asked “I’m so sorry, the venue can only hold so many people…blah blah blah”
It does depend who these people are though. I agree that you only want guests you WANT there, but you can’t not invite FI’s brother without a good reason (for arguments sake)
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
I don’t get it. If you haven’t sent invites then what would make these people think they were invited? Did you verbally tell them they would be invited at some point or they just know you’re getting married? There’s a difference. If you haven’t stated these individuals can attend then nothing needs to be done, just dont send them an invite.
Post # 6
Did you already tell them they are invited? What did you say to make them think that?
Post # 7
Did you use Save the Date cards? If you did, and you don’t give an invitation to everyone who received one, you will be considered the party in the wrong (unless the uninvited person did something *really* egregious).
As far as I recall, even a verbal invite is not binding (though if you have given these people specific dates and they have made concrete vacation requests or travel plans based on your information…) but if you did verbally invite people and then failed to follow through, you have lost the right to be a be upset with those people if *they* are a little upset or wish to have only a more casual relationship with you going forward. However, given what you wrote in your OP, that may not bother you.
ETA: you never, ever preemptively tell someone they aren’t invited to something.
Post # 8
did you send them a save the date already? if so, you can’t uninvite them – just suck it up. if you didn’t send a save the date, then invite whoever you want, and don’t say anything to the non-invited people unless they ask.
Post # 9
no, thank God I did not send out save-the dates period. But, these are people that we have conversed with and KNOW they were invited…. if I don’t invite and then they ask why, how would you handle it? guess there is no easy way huh?
Post # 10
true, thankfully I did not send out save-the-dates…. I just was so excited and wanted to invite many people and now getting close, alot of people that I see on the DAILY basis never ask anything about the wedding plans, my engagement, like nothing- not to mention doing a few rude things- so the closer we get to sending out invites, the more I’m like hey, do I want them there, would they make the atmosphere yuck…maybe I shouldn’t invite.
Post # 11
can you explain that last sentence?
Post # 12
no one KNOWS they’re invited until they’ve received some sort of invitation (i’m counting a STD as an invitation). they may EXPECT to be invited, but they don’t KNOW they’re invited. you could make up all sorts of reasons as to why they’re not invited….if they bring it up, tell them you had to dramatically slask the guest list unexpectedly due to budget, you wish you could have everyone there but it just wasn’t feasible and you had to make some hard choices, etc.
the real question though, is why are you uninviting them? it seems that if you don’t think they’re going to be there “for the right reasons” then you’re not really friends with these people anyway. so then why do you really care about coming up with a nice response to explain to them?
Post # 13
if they say they aren’t coming, wouldn’t they just decline if you send them in invitation?
Post # 14
Imsouldeep1989 : @MarriedToMyWork
is saying that you never contact someone to tell them they’re NOT invited – you wait for them to contact you. If someone who you’re not inviting contacts you and asks where their invite is, you can then tell them they’re not invited. But you should never reach out to someone and tell them unless they’ve brought it up (so you wouldn’t just go up to the people that you’re “uninviting” and tell them – hey, I’m not inviting you).
In other news…the criteria for being invited to your wedding is to ask abouut the planning and details, etc?? That seems a little silly. No one is going to care about your wedding as much as you, period.
Post # 15
If you’re comfortable enough with your reason to not invite them, you should be able to tell them your reason when they ask.