(Closed) Un-inviting people!?!

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 32
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

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Imsouldeep1989 :  I’m sorry your reasons to not invite them, because they haven’t been asking about your engagement and how wedding planning going is not a valid reason to not invite someone to me. They don’t care, no one cares except for you, most of the people on my guest list have never once checked in about how wedding planning is going. Do I care? No? Does it mean that they won’t be at my wedding foe the right reasons, no. It’l just means they have their own lives that don’t revolve around me. 

Since you verbally invited them I think you need to invite them, however, since you haven’t sent stds or invitations then you could get away with not inviting them. 

I will say that since you are working with these people… You should really think about what affect verbally jnviting them and then not inviting them will have on your work relationship with them. 

Post # 33
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

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Imsouldeep1989 :  I don’t imagine most people will ask you where their invite is unless everyone else they know has one or unless they already made specific arrangements based on your verbal invitation (again, while I am sure most people are happy for you, you may be overestimating how much they care about actually being invited).  Many of them will simply realize that, for whatever reason, you no longer consider them worthy of an invitation and respond–justifiably–by creating distance/adding formality in the relationship. 

Should someone bring the matter up and you do not wish to be directly honest for whatever reason (I do agree with the PP who suggest that if being honest with these folks bothers you, you need to reflect on your actions), you can simply apologize and say something bland/likely to diffuse the situation about having a change in budget or something.  Don’t say you aren’t inviting any co-workers or that you decided to have an intimate ceremony if those things are false.   Your lie is likely to get found out and then the reality behind your polite fiction will be laid bare. 

Post # 34
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

A verbal invitation is still an invitation. There’s no right way to uninvited people if you verbally told them they were invited. There will be hurt feelings if you go that route.

Also realistically not everyone is going to ask you about your plans, no one cares about the wedding as much as you and your fiancé. I get that you want to talk about it all the time (so do I!) but other people have their own lives to think about. You cannot hold that against them if that is your reasoning.

Post # 35
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

If they don’t know they are not invited then you don’t have to uninvite them…

Maybe I’m missing something, but this seems fairly self explanatory. 

Post # 36
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, if you’ve verbally indicated to these folks that they’re invited, you should say something to them to apologize and explain for your change of plans.

That said, it sounds to me like you may be overthinking the guest list a bit. It would probably make your life easier to just invite these people. “Wrong reasons” is sounding very The Bachelor.

Post # 37
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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nickkifu84 :  I think she said her in post that they were aware they were initially on the guest list even though the invites haven’t gone out yet, so now she would not be sending them an invite even though she told them they were going to be invited. She wonders if she should tell them they aren’t on the list anymore or wait for them to inquire about not receiving their invitation. 

Post # 38
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

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nordiclight :  Thank you! Reading comprehension is lacking today! #Mondays 

Post # 39
Member
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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Imsouldeep1989 :  It sounds like you verbally invited them, which is a valid invitation. This isn’t a case of people just assuming they’ll be invited, so you’re off the hook by just not sending an invitation. You did invite them. Uninviting people is very rude unless they have done something serious. People will understand if you uninvite someone because they punched your fiance or stole from your mom. If you uninvite people because they didn’t talk about your wedding enough, you’re in the wrong. You can do it of course, but you will be judged and you’ll have to accept that you’re in the wrong. If you’re ok with that, do it however you want because there is no good way. If you don’t want people to think you’re rude and be right about it, just send the paper invitation. Maybe they’ll decline.

Post # 40
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Luckily you didn’t send these people save the dates, so you’re fine to just not send the invitation without explanation. They may or may not come to you and ask why they weren’t invited, but I would think most people would get the hint when they don’t receive an invitation lol. If they do ask, you could say that you needed to make guest list cuts because of budget/venue limitations/etc.

The only thing that would be of concern is if these people started making travel arrangements and are taking time off of work to attend your wedding since you told them they would be invited. Was your date set when you told them they’d be invited? 

Post # 43
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

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Imsouldeep1989 :  There are very few people I see on a daily basis that ask me about my wedding, engagement, etc. It’s the people that I don’t see regularly that ask me about my plans. Of course this doesn’t sound like the only reason you don’t want to invite these people, but you shouldn’t hold the lack of curiosity about your wedding against them.

Post # 44
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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Imsouldeep1989 :  

I think that since you verbally invited those guests, you are setting yourself up for hurt reactions if you decide not to send an invitation to them later. Please don’t contact those guests and tell them that they are not invited after all. That would be very rude.

As for reconsidering invites only because people are not interested in your wedding, I think you are expecting far too much attention from others in that case. Whenever you have a major life event, you and your closest loved ones are the only ones who care. Others are generally too preoccupied with their own lives to focus on your special event. Unless there is more to your reasoning that you have not shared, it would make more sense to think about why you require others to show a certain amount of interest in your wedding. 

Post # 45
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

eeeeeek… I would just tough it out. Since they already were told they would be invited I just don’t think there is a good way to not invite these people without having added stress/drama. 

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