(Closed) Unable to choose bridesmaids… should I not have any??

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What type of wedding party should I have?
    You should have 10 BMs, even though there will only be 5 groomsmen. : (5 votes)
    12 %
    That is too many BMs for a small wedding, just have a flower girl instead! : (33 votes)
    79 %
    I love Walking Dead!! : (4 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Can you list the 9 that you couldn’t get it below?

    1. You don’t have to have matching numbers on both sides, but I DO think 9 is a recipe for disaster and headache. And with only 75 people at the wedding, a wedding party of 13 is pretty big.

    2. Could you each just pick ONE person to stand up with you?

    3. I think people understand when not everyone can be included in the wedding party.

    I personally wouldn’t want to go without the wedding party, and it sounds like you don’t want to either. I thought about what I wanted my morning of getting ready to be like and I pictured a few friends around me.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having a wedding party – if that’s what you want. But to me it sounds like you want it and just aren’t sure how to make it work. In that case, I’d keep trying.

    Post # 5
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I hemmed and hawed about BM’s – I wanted to honor special friends, but ended up opting for none and it was SO MUCH easier!  I’d definitely recommend no bridal party, if you are considering it!

    Post # 6
    18 posts
    • Wedding: April 2013

    NAvery came up with a very good compromise, maybe just have a Maid/Matron of Honor, or Maid/Matron of Honor + 1Bridesmaid or Best Man. Less people in the wedding party means less cost…


    Post # 7
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    The less oppertunity you present for drama, the nicer things will be. That’s my opinion.

    Post # 8
    1083 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’ve been having an extremely difficult time coming up with BM’s. Fiance knew he wanted 4 on his side. . . I couldn’t even come up with 4! I’ve always been friends with more guys than girls, and I only have one sister. I knew my sister and my best friend would be in my Bridal Party, but still thought long and hard about who else. Now that we’re 8 months out I think we’ve both made our decisions – he’s now going to have 5 on his side and there will be 4 on mine. Yes, it’s uneven, but only by one so I’m okay with it. If you’re really having that much trouble I say either just a Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor. Or like you said. . . just the flower girl. Then you’ll have no stress. I’m sure your friends will understand.

    Post # 9
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @NAvery:  I agree. Do you have just one or two bestest friends? From the point of view of your 7th, 8th and 9th best friends, it’s much easier for to handle being left out if you only choose one or two girls, rather than 4 or 5 or more.

    Post # 10
    9181 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    10 seems like a LOT.  I think huge bridal parties are kinda goofy though – just personal taste.  A suggestion: what I’m doing is just having my sister and his sister, but I’m also asking a bunch (maybe 8 more?) friends to just come hang out with me while I get ready and have a drink, etc.  That way you still get some of the bridal party fun without all the hassle.  My friend did that this past summer and it was super fun ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 12
    3 posts
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Why not have your two sisters as co-MO’s then? That way you’re at 2/4 which is nice and even in a sense.

    Post # 13
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I honestly find it hard to believe that you are actually equally close to so many women. Perhaps you feel like you are supposed to be or like you have to be fair to women you know from similar points in your life, but I don’t know how a woman could possibly have time to truly maintain that many close friendships.

    You don’t need to worry about hurting feelings. Just choose the 2 or 3 women you are honestly the closest to or for whom helping will be easier because they live near you or enjoy being in weddings or whatever. Or put their names in a hat and draw at random.

    ETA after reading an update you gave: You do not need to reciprocate. Those women especially ahving planned weddings themselves will understand how difficult these decisions are. I’ve been in weddings for people who weren’t in mine and vice versa. No biggie.

    Post # 15
    590 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

    I would just have your sisters do it. That way they both feel good and your friends can all see “oh she only had her sisters in her bridal party…that makes sense” Also each girl can walk 2 guys down and it will be no biggie. 

    Invite the other 8 ladies to help you get ready and call it good.  

    Best of luck!

    Post # 16
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    +1 to just your two sisters. That way all your friends are treated equally. You can still have them at the bachelorette party, getting ready with you, and in some of the photos.

    For the guys, you don’t have to match the numbers, but a possibility is to have 2 groomsmen, and make the other 2. I’ve seen ushers dressed in tuxes to match the groomsmen, and in the photos too. So the main difference is that during the ceremony they are ushers rather than standing up the front.

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