(Closed) Unable to marry in the church

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@cjdancer:  Oh I’m sorry to hear you’re going through with this! I know it sucks but have you thought of undertaking the process required to marry in the Church if you guys are really set on marrying in one? I know it may be complicated, but it may be doable if you break down the required steps and tackle it one by one.

Another alternative, if you can’t marry in a Catholic church you can still have a Catholic wedding by requesting that a Deacon preside over your marriage at another venue such as a garden. You will have essentially the same wedding rites Catholics marrying in a church receive but the only difference is there is no Communion as the Deacon can’t officiate this rite. So it won’t be the church but it will still be a Catholic ceremony. I know this is doable bc during my premarital counseling session, my Deacon was telling my fiance and I he performed a wedding the weekend past at an outdoor venue bc the couple couldn’t marry in the Church as the groom was not Catholic and refused to take the steps necessary to marry in the Church 

Post # 4
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Posted Twice. Ooops

Post # 5
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Quick question b/c I’m a tad confussed, Was your Fiance previously married in the catholic church and that is why y’all can’t be married?

Post # 6
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Check with another church.  The fees will be steeper but each church dictates what their rules are regarding marriage.  Like one may not require you to be confirmed but another may.  They are finicky like that.

Post # 7
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Most protestant churches will usually marry any Christians (if at least one of the two is Christian) as long as a member has not requested that date. You will have to pay more than members would too. But, yet, you can get married in a church, but not a Catholic one unless you want to pay for an annulment.

I’ve been married in a church and on a beach (by my dad’s pastor) and neither one felt more valid than the other.

Post # 8
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

All the (non-catholic) churches I’ve been a member of would have married you.  Some require pastoral counseling to make sure you’re ready.  Some let you bring in your own clergy and some make you use theirs.  When I was looking for a larger church (the one I was attending wouldn’t hold the number of guests we had) I found the Lutheran’s to be the most accomodating.  Hope that helps!

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Whether you have the initial wedding in a Catholic church or have the marriage convalidated (blessed) down the road, you will still have to go through the same process of annulling the first marriage. The same impediments to having your wedding in the Church would still apply to getting it convalidated. The difference is that you would have more time and less pressure to get the annulment by a certain date.

Post # 11
Member
23 posts
Newbee

Try an episcopal church, it’s basically “diet catholic”. You could pretty much have a catholic church wedding with the Eucharist & holy water and everything but they have kind of the same set up but when the King of England made the church it was to allow for divorce [which obviously isn’t what you wanna think about for a wedding] but since they “allow” it, it isn’t an issue as far as like anulling the previous marriage or what ever the catholics have asked y’all to do – they made my aunt do that, she said it was about the sacrament(?) anyways I hope this is some what helpful for you! Best of Luck!

Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It seems like what the OP is describing is that they will need to have her FI’s first marriage annuled before they can be married in the *Catholic* church. Unlike some other Christian denominations, Catholics don’t believe that a legal/civil divorce actually dissolves a marriage. So, if Fiance was married before (in a Catholic wedding), in the eyes of the Church he is still married. I *think* that means you couldn’t have your wedding ‘blessed’ after the fact (convalidated), even if you found another Christian pastor who would marry you. 

It could take awhile to get the annulment – it basically makes it like they were never married in the eyes of the Church, which is why he would have to communicate with his EX. However, if you don’t have a sacramental/Catholic wedding, you technically won’t be able to take Communion.

Post # 13
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

OP this is such a tough situation! But I really encourage you to make the effort with the Church. It’s true it’s an involved process but it’s an investment in your relationship. Even if you guys work all the time and are super busy, you’ll still need to always make your relationship the #1 priority in your life. That’s often why marriages get into trouble to begin with – the hard stuff gets put on the back burner, because it’s hard, and life gets in the way.

The way I look at it, the annulment process is good practice for the self-sacrifice, maturity, and teamwork that is needed in a marriage. Second marriages are at an even higher risk of divorce than first timers and the process can be an excellent way for him (and you, as a couple) to look in-depth at what went wrong, how it could have been headed off, what strategies you can use to avoid that in your own union.

Post # 14
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Unless he gets the first marriage annulled then the church wont due anything sorry. Legal divorce doesn’t count in the church. That stated it is easier now in today’s society to get in annulled. Otherwise you will have to find a christian pastor. Good luck 🙂

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