Unable to move on from a bad relationship?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10215 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would talk to someone about your issues with intimacy.

I’ve been there, my ex cheated constantly. My husband was the guy I started dating after and I made a deliberate decision not to punish him for something someone else did and to trust him until he gave me a reason not to. Almost 5 years later, he’s still never given me any reason not to trust him.

There are good dudes out there, you can’t put them in a box cause your ex was a dick.

Post # 3
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you need more time before dating, particularly dating that leads to intimacy. Forcing the issue won’t help if you’re not ready, so just take the time. Additionally, if counseling helped before, then it may indeed help again, so you can look into that as well. 

Post # 5
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

View original reply
glimmeringpink96 :  what planet are you on? It’s excellent advice. What exactly is your issue with it?

Post # 6
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
kayla037 :  I was cheated on for the last 6 years of a 16 year marriage. I didn’t find out until the very end; I trusted him completely and I was devastated and betrayed. 

Dating again was hard. I, too, pushed guys away. @Slomotion is exactly right – you have to make a conscious choice to trust a new partner unless they give you a reason not to. The right guy will be patient and willing to go a little more slowly if necessary.

Therapy helped me, I think it might help you, too. Just to get some resolution to your feelings about what your ex did so it doesn’t hold you back in the future.

if it helps at all, I told myself that I had done the most difficult walk-away of my life and I survived. It’s painful, it sucks, and it’s traumatic. And any trauma leaves it’s scars. Be gentle with yourself as you put yourself out there again, but give the good guys a chance. 

I didn’t really think I’d ever remarry and here I am, engage to a truly wonderful man that I honestly believe will never intentionally hurt me.

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