Post # 1
It’s been almost 2 years since I was cheated on in a 5-year relationship.
I go on dates. I’ve been intimate with a couple of men. However, I can’t seem to let anyone in. I feel like a direct reflection of the movie, Runaway Bride. I’ve pushed 2 good guys away. It normally happens right after intimacy. I find myself very upset and thinking about my ex whenever I leave dates. I don’t think about my ex any other time, only when I’ve been around other men.
Should I take to someone about this, or have I just not met the right person?
Also, is it normal to feel like this after 2 years? I was in therapy after that breakup. It did help. Dating just brings back all of these bad memories. If I avoid dating and just live my life, I’m completely fine. However, I do want to settle down someday.
Post # 2
I would talk to someone about your issues with intimacy.
I’ve been there, my ex cheated constantly. My husband was the guy I started dating after and I made a deliberate decision not to punish him for something someone else did and to trust him until he gave me a reason not to. Almost 5 years later, he’s still never given me any reason not to trust him.
There are good dudes out there, you can’t put them in a box cause your ex was a dick.
Post # 3
It sounds like you need more time before dating, particularly dating that leads to intimacy. Forcing the issue won’t help if you’re not ready, so just take the time. Additionally, if counseling helped before, then it may indeed help again, so you can look into that as well.
Post # 4
you’re giving horrible advice!
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
what planet are you on? It’s excellent advice. What exactly is your issue with it?
Post # 6
I was cheated on for the last 6 years of a 16 year marriage. I didn’t find out until the very end; I trusted him completely and I was devastated and betrayed.
Dating again was hard. I, too, pushed guys away. @Slomotion is exactly right – you have to make a conscious choice to trust a new partner unless they give you a reason not to. The right guy will be patient and willing to go a little more slowly if necessary.
Therapy helped me, I think it might help you, too. Just to get some resolution to your feelings about what your ex did so it doesn’t hold you back in the future.
if it helps at all, I told myself that I had done the most difficult walk-away of my life and I survived. It’s painful, it sucks, and it’s traumatic. And any trauma leaves it’s scars. Be gentle with yourself as you put yourself out there again, but give the good guys a chance.
I didn’t really think I’d ever remarry and here I am, engage to a truly wonderful man that I honestly believe will never intentionally hurt me.