(Closed) Unappreciated, frustrated, and depressed.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LovelyLaura8:  sorry to hear that. its horrible when family say critical and cruel things. i had emotional and mental abuse as a child, it also hurts when parents comlare a child to another. as i got older i realised much of it stems from their own insecurities. it is hard to let things go especially if you still have to live with them. do you get on well with your sister?

Post # 4
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like your parents are helping your depression at all, and I know you’re living there to save money, but if you and your Fiance can afford it, I think you should move sooner rather than waiting. The damage that toxic environment is causing you isn’t worth the money.  

I know this is just a vent. I’ve been there and it’s painful and difficult, and you keep feeling like it’s somehow your fault, if you could just figure out how to show them, they would see the awesome person you are and love you more, instead of the useless failure they act like they see.

It’s not your fault. You can’t change them. You have every right to be angry about how they treat you, but eventually, for your own peace of mind, you’re going to have to let go and distance yourself from your parents. As long as you keep trying to prove yourself to them, they will continue to have the power to tear you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

I wish I could tell you how to do that, but I’m still struggling with it myself. 

Post # 5
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@traveller:  Pretty much this.

My parents also never said, “I love you”. I heard it a total of one time in my entire life, from my mom. After I grew up and dealt with it, I realized that it wasn’t because they didn’t love me, but they just express it in different ways. For some people, affection (hugs, kisses, emotional words) is not important in expressing themselves.

I’m sorry you feel this way, but therapy would really help to deal with these issues.

Post # 7
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds awful. I say stop doing nice things for them – that’s complete bull shit how much they suck at life when you do such nice things for them. I say if you can somehow squeeze by financially by moving out (maybe get some roommates) you do it asap – you can’t put a price on your happiness and well being and your current living situation is not healthy.


Post # 9
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re not the only one with family members like this.  My parents are the same, too.  It blows my FI’s mind.  They are judgmental and only see the negative light in everything.  If I gain 2 lbs, my mom notices it right away and makes a comment.  I’m not kidding – it’s like she has a radar for weight gain or something.  My parents also were away and I hired professional cleaners to come and clean the house and then picked up a bouquet of flowers for the kitchen.  They commented on how the people who cleaned di a terrible job and never to hire professional cleaners again because they just don’t know how to clean. 

I’m happy to hear you found a man who loves you for who you are, weight gain or not.  Your mom probably misses your ex b/c he made her feel better about how sh1tty of a mom she was to you b/c he was a sh1tty Fiance, too. 

Just keep reminding yourself – THEY are the ones with the problem, not you.  Move out and get a counselor and I’m sure in no time, you’ll be feeling a lot better. 


ETA:  Tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man the most important thing they do on your wedding day is to have your mom stay away from you.  And, don’t get ready at her place.  The day is about YOU and keeping YOU happy and stressfree.  If she needs to be stressfree, tell her to keep a bottle of wine nearby. 

Post # 10
511 posts
Busy bee

@LovelyLaura8:  Oh you poor girl.  It sounds like you can’t win no matter which way you turn… and I can certainly empathize with that.

Time for a change! From now on, the only person you have to make happy is you. You deserve to be loved and respected for exactly who are, not what you do.  Stop being a ‘human doing’ and become a ‘human being.’  They won’t like it at first, but as I like to say, “Sucks to be them.”


Post # 13
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@takemyhand:  thanks 🙂

@LovelyLaura8:  thats good you get on well together, I have a good relationship with my siblings & even though the worse of it was directed to me, they were still affected.  But sometimes I still remember the little girl I was. I was always acused of being bad, evil, told I was mentally insane etc. Its one of the reasons why I have chosen to be childfree. But I agree with other bees, you need to leave, no amount of money is worth this. And tradition is a fine reason if it is a safe happy environment to live in, but it isnt.  Even if you have to scale your wedding right back, you need to move somewhere else.  It is doubtful they will change.

Post # 14
901 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’re feeling bad, but the best advice I can give you is to learn to stop dwelling on the past and people you can’t change. It sounds like you’re working very hard at making yourself miserable. Learn to not allow people to get under your skin and you’ll be set free.

Post # 15
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry you feel this way, growing up, my mom was little distant and we didn’t really have a friend relationship, I have 6 brothers and sister and as second oldest, I was the care taker and she never appreciated it.  My fiancée proposed on Christmas day and in Feb. I moved in with him. My mom really could care less about me being engaged and had no comment when it came to wedding planning. This was 7 years ago and our relationship has gotten better but it still feels awkward sometimes. I could never understand why she was so stern when my grandparents are so sweet and I’m sure they gave her love and affection.  

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