(Closed) Unasked to be MOH?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Moonstone18:  How long before she got engaged, did she say she would make you MOH? I don’t think she should be held to it if she said it years before she was engaged.

In any case, I agree that you shouldn’t do the “moh responsibilities”. Leave that to the girls who she made Maid/Matron of Honor. (Not that I think the Maid/Matron of Honor should do much, except plan the bachelorette party and the bridal shower if there is one).

Post # 4
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

@Moonstone18:  why so many MOHs anyways? It does sound like when she finally got engaged she didnt live up to her decision to make you her Maid/Matron of Honor. I would be upset as well. She should have just picked one person. Anyways it is not your responsibility to plan anything…you didn’t get chosen as the Maid/Matron of Honor. She has to now rely on the other two, not you. And I would make it clear that planning is the MOHs responsibility…but try to say it in a nice way. Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Moonstone18:  That really stinks, but like the other poster said, it also depends on when she promised you the position.

 

I agree with everyone else when I say, if she didn’t give you the title, you shouldn’t do the work. 

Post # 6
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Moonstone18:  It seems its a concensous that you don’t have to plan or do any of the MoH duties. That she’s asked you to, that I would find upsetting. Yes it would be a bit hurtful that she sort of “unasked” you especially when you consider the relationships, but if you want to be there for her, do just that, don’t worry about anything else.

Tell her you’re so happy to stand with her on her day and you’ll assist the two MoH if they ask for help.

that would be a way to make a subtle point that you’re not taking over their job and you don’t have to go to the MoH with your ideas, jsut wait to be approached 🙂

Post # 7
Member
8584 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

don’t do the Maid/Matron of Honor duties since you are not the Maid/Matron of Honor, be a bridedmaid.  contribute as a bridesmaid.  offer your opinion on things, but let the Maid/Matron of Honor take the lead where she is supposed to.

i would be hurt, she wanted you to be Maid/Matron of Honor, then didn’t ask you, but wants you to do all the duties of the Maid/Matron of Honor…

Post # 8
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee

@Moonstone18:  I agree with others, you definitely should not be doing Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities, and that is rude of her to even suggest it. If she asks you to do or plan things, I would politely say that you understand that the two MOH’s are the ring leaders, and you are more than happy to give them advice while they are planning!

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Moonstone18:  she technically never unasked you, since she only ever even mentioned it while it was still day dreaming. Although, if she was saying it in the time leading upto the engagement, and pulled a 180 that’s rude.

Idon’t recommend doing Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities unless you’re the Maid/Matron of Honor. I did that for my Maid/Matron of Honor, because at the time she planned her bridal party we had lost touch. Her Maid/Matron of Honor, wss a huge flake and didn’t help with anything. 

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