Post # 1
My best friend had told me that she wanted me to be her moh, but then when she got engaged she asked two of her other friends to be her maid of honors (One who she wasn’t on speaking terms with for a year until 2 months ago). She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said of course she went on to explain it was a really hard decision to make for moh. The thing is she already had kind of asked me and now I’m hurt, but I want it to be completely about her and what she wants so I didn’t say anything. The thing is it hurts more that she keeps saying she wanted all 3 of us, she has 2 moh and 4 bridesmaids. She said she still wants me to do all the moh responsibilities such as planning because I know her the best out of everyone and I’m the only one who is friends with her fiancee.
I have two questions, first am I out of line to be upset? I know I shouldn’t be since it is her choice, but I feel like she unasked me in a sense and also she really shouldn’t have told me that I was runner up for moh bc its just more upsetting/hurtful. Second, I knew I would share the financial responsibility equally with the bridal party but I don’t feel like I should be obligated to plan anything since I’m not moh. I also don’t feel comfortable giving the two mohs my opinion when all I am is a bridesmaid. Is that wrong? I feel like if she really wanted to she could have had 3 maids of honor.
Post # 3
@Moonstone18: How long before she got engaged, did she say she would make you MOH? I don’t think she should be held to it if she said it years before she was engaged.
In any case, I agree that you shouldn’t do the “moh responsibilities”. Leave that to the girls who she made Maid/Matron of Honor. (Not that I think the Maid/Matron of Honor should do much, except plan the bachelorette party and the bridal shower if there is one).
Post # 4
- Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts
@Moonstone18: why so many MOHs anyways? It does sound like when she finally got engaged she didnt live up to her decision to make you her Maid/Matron of Honor. I would be upset as well. She should have just picked one person. Anyways it is not your responsibility to plan anything…you didn’t get chosen as the Maid/Matron of Honor. She has to now rely on the other two, not you. And I would make it clear that planning is the MOHs responsibility…but try to say it in a nice way. Good luck.
Post # 5
@Moonstone18: That really stinks, but like the other poster said, it also depends on when she promised you the position.
I agree with everyone else when I say, if she didn’t give you the title, you shouldn’t do the work.
Post # 6
@Moonstone18: It seems its a concensous that you don’t have to plan or do any of the MoH duties. That she’s asked you to, that I would find upsetting. Yes it would be a bit hurtful that she sort of “unasked” you especially when you consider the relationships, but if you want to be there for her, do just that, don’t worry about anything else.
Tell her you’re so happy to stand with her on her day and you’ll assist the two MoH if they ask for help.
that would be a way to make a subtle point that you’re not taking over their job and you don’t have to go to the MoH with your ideas, jsut wait to be approached 🙂
Post # 7
don’t do the Maid/Matron of Honor duties since you are not the Maid/Matron of Honor, be a bridedmaid. contribute as a bridesmaid. offer your opinion on things, but let the Maid/Matron of Honor take the lead where she is supposed to.
i would be hurt, she wanted you to be Maid/Matron of Honor, then didn’t ask you, but wants you to do all the duties of the Maid/Matron of Honor…
Post # 8
@Moonstone18: I agree with others, you definitely should not be doing Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities, and that is rude of her to even suggest it. If she asks you to do or plan things, I would politely say that you understand that the two MOH’s are the ring leaders, and you are more than happy to give them advice while they are planning!
Post # 9
@Moonstone18: she technically never unasked you, since she only ever even mentioned it while it was still day dreaming. Although, if she was saying it in the time leading upto the engagement, and pulled a 180 that’s rude.
Idon’t recommend doing Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities unless you’re the Maid/Matron of Honor. I did that for my Maid/Matron of Honor, because at the time she planned her bridal party we had lost touch. Her Maid/Matron of Honor, wss a huge flake and didn’t help with anything.