(Closed) Unasking a bridesmaid…but shes family?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: What to do?
    Get over it and continue having her as a bridesmaid : (13 votes)
    54 %
    Wait a few months and tell her how you feel and suffer the abuse : (11 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I know it isn’t easy… give it time. Maybe there is something going on, that you don’t know about… But if in a few months, it still isn’t working and she isn’t able to make it to anything, just bow out of asking her… Is it classy? nope… Is it nice?? nope.. but it is your day… As long as you aren’t doing it out of spite or malice and with hopes it can repair soemthing in the future… rather than having you mad at her in this whole process…

     

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I don’t think you can un-ask someone.

    It sounds like you need to reconnect with her in a non-wedding way. Ask her to hang out and don’t mention the wedding the whole time. I’m guessing if you’re there for her more as a friend/cousin, she’ll be there for you as a bridesmaid. 

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    23602 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Big hugs to you!  Maybe it’s time to call her/talk with her and figure out where she is at.  Being a bridesmaid is a two way street, and it’s so important to keep in touch with each of them to to make sure they are still happy as your bridesmaids.

    Post # 8
    Member
    901 posts
    Busy bee

    If you want to risk permanently ruining your relationship with your cousin, go ahead and un-ask her in the name of “this is my day”. If your relationship with her is important, do not ask her to step down. If I were you, I would just count on her not participating in much.

    Is your wedding date correct? You’re not getting married for over a year? A lot can happen in a year.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Don’t uninvite her, but do stop telling her your “secrets and rants.” (That’s all the “abuse” you’re suffering from her? That’s really not abuse…) And stop making tons of efforts to hang out with her – maybe that’s part of the problem. When I’m friends with someone, after a certain number of invitations on my side, I expect to receive some from them, otherwise it’s a one-sided friendship and I take the hint. Since she’s family, she *will* always be part of your life- don’t ruin that relationship by unasking her. We only know your side of the story, but it’s quite possible she’s experiencing you as a bridezilla, and wants to be “left alone.”

    Post # 10
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @RedAngelDreamer:  and yes, this. (Reason #1024910490 that it’s best to wait til LESS than a year before the wedding to ask people! Relationships change sooo much!)

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