(Closed) Unattractive Ring

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
5033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’d start by not calling it unattractive to him but perhaps explain it isn’t your style.

Post # 3
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

there isnt a polite way to insult a gift

Post # 4
Hostess
9694 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

What is it that you do not like? Maybe if the ring is “impractical” for your lifestyle you can lead with that? Do you have a pic?

Post # 6
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

I’d just honestly tell him that while the ring is pretty, it’s not your style.

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I won’t be mean like how i know some replies maybe mean due to the way you worded this. I don’t care what anyone says! there’s ppl who ends up with a ring they didn’t want or that isn’t their style! Me being one of them! it’s a gorg ring but more flashy then what I would like. I did voice my opinion to my Fiance when he asked if i liked the ring. I simply told him it’s not my style but I am very greatful and can’t wait to be your wife! He asked over and over if i want to take it and bring it back and i didn’t until one day I scratched my daughter sooo bad! I took it to get the prongs shaven down or fixed and they couldn’t do it and offered us a new ring, so i was luucky in that aspect kind of it wasn’t me really taking it back it was the situation lol. but even now this ring isn’t that breath taking to me or my ideal ring but i’m keeping it and loving it.  🙂 do waht’s best for you you know your Fiance personally and how he would react. just break it to him eassily if you bring it to his attention. 

Post # 9
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

It seems like he wants to give you a family heriloom that isn’t your style, is that correct? Also, has he already proposed or is this pre-emptive?

If its a heirloom I would probably tell him I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that as it means so much to his family and would prefer to have my own ring. I wouldn’t call it ugly or anything like that, just that you don’t feel comfortable being in charge of something with such sentimental value.

Post # 10
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

pics!

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would just say something along the lines of ” I want something more modern that maybe we can pass down one day”. Or just go on pinterest and constantly show him other rings you are in love with haha

Post # 12
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

He didn’t really ‘choose’ a ring then, he chose to give you an heirloom that has meaning for him rather than going out and buying something. I think I agree with slomotion, you should tell him that you don’t feel comfortable being given an heirloom that belongs to his family, and maybe suggest that it should go to his sister (if he has one) or that if the two of you have a daughter, you would like to save it so that he can gift it to her when she turns 18 or something.

Unless the reason he wants to give you this is because he cannot afford to buy you a ring and this is all he has to offer. In that case you accept it and deal, with the option of bringing up the possibility of an upgrade on a major anniversary, budget permitting.

Post # 13
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

If the problem is that he has an heirloom ring that doesn’t fit your style at all, I can help there: my situation was the exact same.

We were pretty open in discussing rings and marriage, so I knew about the fact that my fiance had his mom’s ring. We casually talked about using diamonds from it for something that’s my own, but he never seemed 100% sold on the idea. It was at his sister’s house at the time, and since his mother had passed when he was young, he couldn’t remember what it looked like. 

What I am about to say is bitchy and there’s a solid chance I’ll get trolled for it, but here it goes:

When he finally got it and I saw it, I was…not…pumped to wear it. To put it lightly. The center stone was smaller than I had pictured, and smaller than what I knew we could afford. The setting was VERY 80s, and the set was soldered together. I’m not someone who can easily hide what I’m thinking or feeling, so I found a way to discuss the fact that while I’m truly honored to wear something that held so much meaning to his mother, I felt that it would be best all around if we reset the stone: his dad chose that ring for his mom, and to me that’s personal. Eventually, we took the ring to a jeweler and shopped together. We ended up customizing something that turned out to be the ring of my dreams.

TL;DR tell him you’re honored to use the ring, but you don’t feel that the setting is a reflection of you as a couple, go ring shopping together.

Post # 14
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

There isn’t a polite way, no matter what his feelings will get hurt. Is it possible that you could keep the ring and change the setting? Just keep in mind that your fiancee bought your ring with a lot of love

Post # 15
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

Ive known ladies in similar predicaments who didn’t have the heart to bring it up so they did one of two things

!) “Lose” the ring- the gym or the drain are the most believable

2) Wait it out a few years and then replace it behind hubby’s back. You’d be surprised how many men really didnt notice and wouldve sworn the ring on her finger was the one they picked out

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