(Closed) Unattractive Ring

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

 crackerjax : Just tell him you think it would be more appropriate for the ring to go to a female in his family. But then again, you don’t want to be starting marriage with a lie. My vote would be for “not my style”. Make sure you start with, “I’m flattered” though.

Post # 17
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

broccoli2309 :  lol advising someone to lose a family heirloom, even if it’s ugly is TERRIBLE advice. 

 

OP, just be gentle and honest. Having discussions and communicating is really important. Tell him how you feel, and come up with other suggestions. Or compromise, and set the stone in a setting of your choice. 

Post # 18
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee

slinktobee :  for real!

 

What is the point of threads like this if there is no photo?? 

Post # 19
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

If you can’t be honest now and about a ring then there are bigger problems. It’s okay to not like something and share it in a loving way. 

Babes, thank you so much for this precious ring. Is there anyway we can personalize it to make it “ours”?

Babes, I’m blown away with how thoughtful this ring is and would love it even more if I could change these couple of things in order to really make it about us.

If he receives it negatively then that’s a bigger issue. 

I just recently told my husband of less than a year that I wanted a new center stone and that while I loved what we chose I felt that the quality of the stone could be better. He jumped at my comment and said not only can we replace it with a better quality let’s get a bigger stone!  

You know your fiancé best. How does he receive information that may hurt?  Use that knowledge to prepare the message in a kind and loving way. 😀

If you can not bring yourself to say this honest feeling then pray about it, that you’ll learn to love it based on the feelings and sentimentality behind it. A ring is a ring. Having a man stand by you through life’s difficulties is the best. 

Post # 20
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

+100 beesknees2015 and others that said to be honest. My first ering was a sapphire marquise, bow-tie, yellow gold mess. After wearing it for a week, I told my Fiance (now hubby) that I loved the thought and time that went into the ring, but it really was impractical for my life (pointy everything does not work with animals) and more ornate than I wear. I’m really a clean, contemporary, classic style ring. He was fine. He said, get what you like. But, we are proabably far more direct and see a ring for what it is…a symbol of a promise. It is the promise that matters, the symbol is just metal and rocks, so the wearer should love what they wear. 

Being able to communicate about hard (really hard) stuff is key in marriage. Think of this as practice. 

Post # 21
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

This was my situation to the tee. Just tell him while you feel honored he proposed with such an treasured heirloom, you want something that is more of a reflection of you as a person and you guys as a couple. 

Heirloom are a lovely and personal gesture. But so are engagement rings. While he might see it as romantic giving a beloved relatives ring unless you personally feel a connect to that relative it  kind of feels like getting hand me downs. 

It wouldnt emphasize it not being your style Most guys cant tell one ring from another and youll probably come off sounding picky and ungrateful (Just my personal experience). 

Post # 22
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

janeblack :  I agree with that as well!! 

Post # 23
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Please post pics of the ring

… so we can help

Post # 24
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

broccoli2309 : “Lose” a family heirloom? You’re not actually serious are you? I sure hope those friends of yours “lost” new rings they didn’t like and not family rings.

Post # 25
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

crackerjax :  so, how can you be so sure he intends to give you THAT ring, as an engagement ring? I wouldn’t worry about it unless it truly comes to fruition. until then, it’s just a ring in a drawer? 

Post # 26
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

slinktobee :   Sukii :  I don’t know where their rings came from. I just know they didn’t like them, “lost” them, and got them replaced. O/P can take what I said with a grain of salt if she so chooses. It’s just what I’ve seen done. Not saying I agree with it or dont. She obviously has a problem speaking up so I was just offering ways Ive seen ladies get around it. IF she chose to go this route, she could always “find” the ugly ring after she got the one she really wanted. 

Post # 27
Member
10083 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Takes a special kind of person to purposely lose their engagement or wedding ring just so they can get a new one. Yikes.

Post # 28
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

slomotion :  Probably. But is it any worse than wearing a ring you obviously hate for the rest of your life bc you dont want to hurt someone’s feelings and then complaining to strangers on the internet about it? For the record this is not something I have or even would do. I’m just saying I know girls who have done it. 

Post # 29
Member
9347 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

broccoli2309 :  oh yes because covering up lies with more lies is always a winning strategy. Especially when it involves your spouse. 🙄

You can claim you’re not saying you agree with it, but by offering it up as a seemingly completely reasonable suggestion to the OP, you’re pretty much endorsing it.

Post # 30
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

Girls frequently post things on here I dont agree with. To each his own. Im not holding a gun to her head. It was just an observation. i also said Ive known girls to buy themselves rings and switch them and the guy never noticed. If it were me, I would speak up. But she’s not me. Her actions and her marriage are not my responsibility. If she doesnt like what I said, she obviously doesnt have to take the advice. 

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