weddingmaven : I don’t think it’s particularly relevant exactly why, but I will have a go trying to explain my father’s family dynamic.
It’s not that people wouldn’t agree with me. I can guarantee if I said no to him, every single person would understand why.
But, if it hasn’t come across yet, my uncle is extremely immature. Never grew up. Doesn’t quite accept that he’s 65 and not 18. Will never hear a bad word against himself. If I said no to him, he would start a fight with my father and demand we treat her as his SO. Because, 15 years ago when he shacked up with his almost-ex-wife’s brother’s wife, that’s exactly what he did when she wasn’t invited to things. Massive fallout in the family. He didn’t come to any family events for the better part of a year until we all sat down and made peace.
Then, of course, there’s another brother, who I only found out existed when I saw another sibling that looked exactly like my dad in a family photo. He was exiled before I was born because of some extremely awful behaviour and has never, ever made amends. I met him at my Aunt’s funeral 3 years ago and he looked rough. I honestly think it’s something really illegal he’s messed up in, but no one has ever wanted to talk to me about it.
This is on top of other things, like huge medical issues with my dad’s brother in law (who’s wife, Dad’s sister, passed 3 yrs ago), all his kids, alcoholism, addiction, physical abuse, severe disability with my niece (is it a niece when it’s your cousin’s baby?) which has been all over the news for 10 years. The whole family is a huge pile of awful drama, sometimes a wedding is something in the mix to give the family something to look forward to.
I can’t put my Nanna through more drama. SHe’s 89, not well, and I don’t think she would survive it. This woman has buried two husbands, divorced another within the space of about 27 years.
Anyway. TL;DR is, my dad’s family is fucked up. I don’t want to be the one to cause more drama. I would rather just let him bring is married fling, be done with it. I’m following the path of least resistance. There is more drama to survive should a stink be kicked up, than just letting her come. I have no doubt everything will be fine on the day. I just needed a vent because just yelling at FI’s direction about how shit this is wasn’t cutting it.
But because he’s so immature and flippant about basically everything in life, there is a good likelihood that if they do break up, it will be very soon and I won’t find out about it until the day of the wedding. I mean, he didn’t so much as apologise for not RSVP-ing before the cut off, and added a plus one where there wasn’t one on his invite. That’s just rude. In this case, Fiance and I would be out $170 for trying to do the right thing by the family (not the right thing from a moralistic point of view) and that’s just shit. We are kind people who want to believe good things, but I’m a realist too.
And yes, this is me making assumptions on it ending, but it’s assumptioms based on knowing this man for my whole life. Knowing he doesn’t place much value in marriage – married three times, almost a fouth. He bought the very expensive solitare diamond for his ex fiance with the money he got from his dead wife’s estate – money which he probably should have given to her sons rather than just keep for himself. I still don’t think he got that ring back… and then asked everyone to give them money in lieu of gifts at the engagement party. I mean, everyone would have done it but it just seems about tactless for a fourth wedding (they even bought a massive wishing well). It might just be me – I don’t like receiving gifts. We asked for no gifts at our engagement party, period (I mean, some people gave us some), and it’s our first. Though yes, I know gifts are customary, but I don’t know. We preferred people just save it for the wedding and come get drunk with us. Anyway, not the point.
I’m just done with all of it. We’re all just riding it out until the relationship inevitably collapses and we can all go back to our knitting. I just hope it’s after the wedding so I don’t have to be more shitty about it than I am right now.
So yeah. Welcome to my father’s family. Two black sheep and a lot of drama.