(Closed) Uncomfortable at my own wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Perhaps this will be the turning point for your brother and he will put this childish behavior aside and be there for you?

Either way, if I were you, I’d personally talk to him before your wedding and see if you can’t clear the air with him. If he still has a negative attitude I’d be wary of letting him participate if he upsets you so. 

Post # 5
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

Your brother’s been married so he should at least appreciate the gravity of a wedding. You definitely need to try and talk things out with him, even if it means apologising for things you don’t think you did wrong just to move on.

If you try and really can’t talk things out with your brother, then I say one lady will be upset at this wedding: your mum or you. Personally I think you deserve to be selfish on your One Big Day!!

 

Just wondering, according to your culture what if you don’t have a brother/ any siblings?

 

Post # 6
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s hard to tell exactly what’s up with the limited information we have here. But honestly, my impression reading this is that he’s crushed from going through a divorce.  I haven’t gotten a divorce, but can only imagine it would be really really hard to function and stay afloat during one. And then having your sister there planning her wedding, in the same area, etc would be extra difficult. 

I imagine it’s probably somewhat like having repeated miscarriages or fertility issues and being asked to plan and actively host a baby shower. 

Be patient, be understanding. And consider at least the possibility that what I’m saying is true and it’s just not really even about you. I would also caution you from accusing him of “just being jealous.” 

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Are you guys still close? It sounds like he’s being difficult, but that you’re also still hanging out with him on a regular basis. If this is just a recent problem, I would still have him in the wedding. If you’re just not that close, never have been and never will be, I wouldn’t. 

Post # 8
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Mrs.LemonDrop:  +1

I think if both you and your mother talk to him, it will be ok. Does he still want to fulfil that traditional role? I know you said you talked to your mum about it and she said to have him do it, and that you aren’t sure if you want him to, but why don’t you ask him whether he wants to do it or not, if he feels comfortable? I am sure whether he does that role or not he will be very supportive of you on your big day 🙂 and this is not your mother’s decision to make. It is you, your FI’s, and partially, your brother’s. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would first try to smooth things over with him. He is your brother and it sounds like you guys were close at some point in the past. However, if he doesn’t come around I probably wouldn’t include him :-/.

I have a problem with my stepsister and as a result I am not even inviting her to my wedding. I can totally relate to the whole ‘bad vibe’ feeling. She typically is a downer when it comes to ANYthing regarding anyone else other than herself (this is not the reason I’m not inviting her, it just adds to it) and I really don’t want to have any bad vibes at all on my wedding day. This is one of the most important days of your life and you don’t deserve to have to deal with people having a bad attitude/being difficult on your day.

Post # 14
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@littleacorn:  I am sure there will be loads of good vibes, it’s your wedding day 🙂

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