Post # 1
First off, I’m not a touchy-feely person AT ALL. My mother in law cornered me and started feeling up my stomach this past weekend. We are not close. I won’t get into any details but she has been extremely awful to me in the past. My husband and I have found it easier to limit the time we spend with his parents than to deal with her drama. This will be her second grandchild. She has never met the first because her behaviour has led my Brother-In-Law to cut her out of his life completely. This was the first time we have seen them in the past month (last time being when we told them the news). When we told them she jokingly asked me how I felt about her touching my stomach and I said that I don’t really like touching but we’ll see.
I understand that I left things a little ambiguous and open. I feel like it’s an over reaction to bring it up with her over one touch, but I also don’t want to start a pattern of being uncomfortable just to appease someone. What would you do?
(And please don’t bring up the whole ‘it’s her grand baby of course she wants to touch it’ thing. I realize that. It’s not making this any easier.)
Post # 2
I feel very uncomfortable when this happens to me as well, regardless of who it is. Since when is it ok to rub me? I usually simply say “I am sorry but that makes me feel uncomfortable”. It’s feels a bit strange to be so upfront but it really is the only way to stop it. Sometimes I will say something like “I am sorry but this makes me feel uncomfortable, but when he is moving you can feel him kick if you like” but I ony reserve that for people who I feel comfortable with obviously.
Post # 3
I also hate when people touch my stomach but I usually just bask in my uncomfortableness and let it slide. The joys of being pregnant.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
I didn’t like this type of touching from anyone but my sons father while I was pregnant. It really freaked me out that total strangers thought this was appropriate simply bc I was pregnant. If it makes you uncomfortable let her know and stop the behavior. She needs to respect your boundaries.
Post # 5
I think one of the maternity shirts that says “If you didnt put it there, dont touch it” would be appropriate. Just because it is her grandbaby doesnt mean touching you is okay.
Post # 6
Just say: oh I’m really sorry but my skin is a bit sensitive. 😂
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
“Please don’t touch my stomach, it makes me very uncomfortable.” The next time she tries, “I asked you not to do that. This visit is over.” And then leave immediately. Set boundaries now, and be very clear about her interactions with bub once he/she is born – I’d bet my left arm she’ll try to grab him/her out of your arms as soon as she can, every time you see her, so you may want to think about always having bub in a sling or carrier around her.
Post # 8
“I wouldn’t have allowed you to touch my stomach before, and I won’t let you now.”
From what you have implied, it seems your Mother-In-Law enjoys pushing boundaries, so make these firm and clear. You being pregnant does not make your body public property.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
mrsshirley : My favorite reaction from pregnant women when some one touches them with out asking is for them to reach out and lay hands on the other persons stomach. While calmly staring at them. A couple friends have done this and it always freaks the toucher out.
Follow up with something like “Kind of uncomfortable to be touched without permission, huh?”
Post # 10
Olgarie : This! If you’re brave enough it’s a winner.
Post # 11
I would have been straight up and said I preferred not to be touched. Either with “It was kind of uncomfortable for me. I’m not much of a touch person.” or “It’s very uncomfortable for me due to stomach sensitivity and other aspects of pregnancy that have my stomach uneasy lately.”…
Post # 12
Of course it’s her grand baby, but it’s YOUR baby and YOUR body! Being the baby’s dad’s mum does not give her the right to touch you without permission. Your space does not automatically become her space. If she wants to touch, she can ask.
I think you need to address this next time she does it, or if you feel super uncomfortable have your husband call them ahead of your visit and tell them you are a hands-free zone, unless invited. If it feels easier to use an excuse, go for it. “My skin is really sensitive” or “I’m really extremely ticklish and I thought I would be fine but I just can’t handle it.” I think telling them that you will let them know if baby kicks will help, they will still feel somewhat included.
Post # 13
That’s super inappropriate. You’re welcome to start with a polite “Please don’t do that, I don’t like having my stomach touched.” If she tries again, a firm and loud “I ASKED YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY STOMACH” ought to be enough to put her in her place. Don’t make excuses, don’t bend over backwards to apologize. It’s YOUR body. If she can’t accept boundaries now, she never will.
Post # 14
Start setting hard boundaries now. There’s a reason she’s cut off from her first grandchild, keep your guard up.
And NO ONE has a right to touch your body. Just because she’s the grandmother does not give her magical rights to you or your child.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
The fact you used the phrasing “she cornered you” is what turns my stomach the most. I am 12 weeks pregnant with #1 and get agitated even when Darling Husband tries to touch my stomach without permission…but I’m not a touchy feely person (stemming from being an abuse survivor) so my reaction to people touching me without permission…even those closest to me…can be a little extreme.
I remember when my SIL was pregnant and the whole family mauled her at every family event. I am already bracing myself!