(Closed) Uncomfortable situation……

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I would send my regrets and wish her happy in her new marriage.  I would then be sure to invite her ex husband out to dinner with other mutual friends for that weekend.  I personally do not see how you can call her your friend when you obviously dislike the person she has become since that time.  It sucks because you are a losing a friend, but sometimes I believe you better off without people like that in your life. 

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

just politely decline.  I know you wanna tell her all about herself, but, take the high road.

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I don’t see anything wrong with not attending a wedding in which you do not support the union of the bride and groom! 

Post # 6
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just politely decline, be the better person, if you’re still friends with the ex, this is even more important, good luck! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I would just decline (no elaborate explanation needed) and send her some kind of generic greeting card. I definitely would not attend the wedding or send a gift–she sounds horrible!

Post # 8
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow–I am in shock about her behavior! 

I agree with Chela429 that you should send her your regrets (and not attend) and wish her well with a card.  After all, you said she is still your friend, right?  Of course you want her to be happy in her NEW marriage, even if she acted inappropriately with respect to her first marriage and wedding.  And I think it is perfectly fine not to send a gift to her, given the circumstances.  It seems that sending only a card would be a good compromise, one that accounts for your concerns aboth about her previous marriage and also about being her friend. 

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow, that’s a crazy story!  Honestly, if I were in that situation I would decline the invite.  And here’s why:  1)You said she’s your friend but you don’t talk much and you really don’t like her as a person.  That doesn’t sound like a "real" friend to me…  2)You don’t support this marriage.  and 3)That’s a seriously huge wedding!

Don’t feel bad about declining.  If she is really your friend, she will understand that she put you in an uncomfortable situation (since you’re still friends with her ex).  And if she complains about it, she probably isn’t that great of a friend anyway.  You don’t have to be mean about it, but you don’t have to feel guilty about declining either.  It’s perfectly fine to respectfully, and politely, say "no" on the RSVP.  And don’t send a card out of pity either.  You could just write a little note on the RSVP card saying, "We’ll be unable to attend.  Good luck with your wedding." and leave it at that.  You shouldn’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Post # 10
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Politely decline.

I am not being snarky, but if she is this kind of person why do you call her a friend? I’d run far from a person that behaves as such out of personal integrity and because I would never want people associating me with that kind of behavior.

 

 As she is a friend, perhaps it would be wise to tell her that her actions are inappropriate. Being that she’s does this before, someone should say something

Post # 11
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow.  This has elicited that reaction A LOT.  I think she’s a self-centered person with serious issues.  She didn’t return the gifts??  WTF??  And now she’s inviting MORE people?  She just wants…MORE GIFTS.  Sad.  I would just check the decline box, no explanation, no card, no nothing.  She isn’t the kind of person you want to stay in touch with, that’s a TOXIC personality!

Post # 12
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

i agree- you should definitely decline.  but i think you should still send a gift.

oh! i know!

how about a book on etiquette?

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah no go. What a drama queen! Send a card or something generic. Not worth any monetary value for sure. She got her gift. If she wanted something else she should have returned your first one and not been such a crazy person!

Post # 14
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow..my xh remarried within DAYS of our divorce and became a dad again 3 mos later.  Except for his business partner, her parents, his parents (enablers) and their immediate family NOBODY gave them a gift at their "wedding" (use the term loosely).

I too am shocked at her behavior.  

My question is why would you include in your circle of friends somebody who has such a flippant attitude about marriage and didn’t even respect mutual friends enought to return their wedding gifts?

She sounds terribly selfish.  I’m an encore bride to be, and I can’t say I think this encore wedding has much hope..it’s foundation is on quicksand…cheating and deception.

I today, have NO PROBLEM telling somebody if I do not wish to attend something and I definitely WOULD NOT WANT TO GO AND SUPPORT A UNION LIKE THIS.  Nope.  No way in heck. 

For me, simply BEING there is like saying it’s ok what they did and that you’re GOOD WITH IT..and that the collateral damage (her poor xh and all the people she disrespected by not giving back their gifts) do not matter. 

I have never had to cut out a friend in my life until this week..but maybe it’s time you did too.

Post # 15
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Just politely decline with no explanation. Please do not send a gift, as she had no class the first time around. You are under no obligation to go and I sure would not!

Post # 16
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp

wow, people actually do that?  I can’t understand someone who would purposefully get married when they know they’re more interested in someone else.  What a waste of time and money (and precious years of your life!).

Anyways, like the other commentors, I think you should politely decline.  Maybe she really likes attention – she’s obviously asking for more attention the second time around.

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