Uncomfortable with NOLA Bachelor Party

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 76
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Idk why so many bees can’t understand others feelings. I’ve never been cheated on, I have no trust issues, I trust my DH 100 percent but to me going to a strip club is disrespectful to our relationship. My DH agrees and has never been to one and has no desire to. I’m happy that there are people who like to go to strip clubs, go for it, if you like it! I just hate the rhetoric of women having trust issues or feeling insecure.

Post # 77
2329 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m in the humans-are-flawed camp. I used to be the Chill Girl and was so proud of myself for “not getting worked up over dumb stuff like other girls” but I’ve since seen the error of that thinking.

I’m not judging all women who think that way – we are all entitled to our various opinions. But I know from personal experience that many women think that way because of pressure from MEN and our society to think that way. Women who care about this stuff are “uptight” while women who don’t are “cool and easy going.”

I’m past the age of giving a rat’s ass what the general populace, or the average guy, thinks of me. Strip clubs, Los Vegas, NOLA, it ALL makes me nervous, for the reasons a few PP have eloquently stated on the previous page. Humans are flawed, we make mistakes, and very often it’s the people who never ever thought they could cheat who DO.

I agree with a PP that MY definition of being faithful to the relationship is actively avoiding putting yourself in situations where mistakes could happen. Going to NOLA, a place notORIOUS for sex work, sex trafficking, alcohol and drug-fueled hedonistic displays, gambling, etc. with a group of men who have displayed questionable morals in the past is NOT my idea of being faithful to your relationship.

I have nothing against hedonism in general. I’d happily go to NOLA WITH my husband and friends. But one party in a monogommous relationship splitting off and going alone, with a huge group of toxic friends? No thanks. I would 100% directly communicate to my husband that it made me feel uncomfortable. If the trip meant a LOT to him, and we were able to work out some compromises to help me feel better, I might change my mind. But most likely, no, my husband would not be going on this trip – because he cares more about my feelings and our marriage than one dumb trip with his friends. 

Post # 79
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t be happy if my husband planned to go to such a place and I’ve had no qualms in telling him so. If he was more interested in what he mates felt / had to say about the matter he can go marry them 😄

i also take issue with the “boys” getting together and having a laugh behind the brides back “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt” and “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. Don’t bloody disrespect me I’m not a dickhead 

Post # 80
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My husband went to a strip club a few months ago and I didn’t mind. But that’s only because I know he didn’t want to be there and felt awkward. He was actually in NOLA on a work trip. His CEO wanted to go and my DH and his supervisor both felt like they couldn’t say no. The CEO refused to get a hand stamp and then later slipped off into a back room with a stripper, still wearing his wedding ring. When he came back he told my DH and his supervisor not to say anything to anybody. Super sleazy. 

So even though I didn’t mind, I totally understand why others would. My DH had no interest in getting a lap dance or even attention from the girls at all, but they still approached him and put their boobs in his face and tried to get him to pay for a dance. It’s just a weird situation.

Post # 81
4040 posts
Honey bee

 Finance and I are both fine with these types if trips.  We both take them.  However, if one of us wasn’t ok with it, then I know the other would respect them enough to not go.

It’s all about the boundaries that you set in your own individual relationship.  What I’m ok with has nothing to do with what OP is ok with.

If you express that you are uncomfortable with him attending this party and he chooses to go, then you have a fundamental issue and lack of respect in your relationship. 


Post # 82
27 posts

View original reply
hunnybunchesok :  Let me just say, we sound so alike on this topic. Me and my bf have a rule of no bars or clubs unless we are there together. It’s not a thing where we don’t trust each other – we don’t trust alcohol and that environment together, or other single freaky people that peruse those environments… So I totally understsnd and we are so lucky to have understanding lovers who value our peace of mind and happiness over stupid bars/clubs/parties/etc! 

Post # 83
454 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never been ok with strip clubs and when my husband’s best friend was getting married years ago (we were dating a little over 2 years at the time), he had a bachelor party that involved going to a strip club. I straight up told him if he went to the strip club that I would never forgive him and that would be the end of our relationship.  His sister actually tried to tell me I need to let him go. F that! Anyways,  he loved me enough not to go and just met up with the group after fora heavy night of drinking. He’s never been to a strip club and if he ever does,  to me,  it’ll be grounds for divorce. I’m fine with porn, but there’s a big difference between naked women on a screen and a naked woman in person. If someone else is fine with it, good for them,  but no one could ever convince me that I have trust issues because I’m not ok with strip clubs. 

Post # 84
4514 posts
Honey bee

You had a healthy conversation with your fiance about your concerns (after he noticed something was amiss), and he made a decision that shows he puts you first. Good on both of you. I don’t understand why so many bees are trying to convince you to be the Cool Girl. 

Post # 85
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I lived in Nola for 10 years. I think it’s his friends more than the city but whichever. For the sake of your relationship, he should not go! Sounds like a recipe for big big trouble. Be kind but firm. 

Post # 86
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - Scotland

View original reply
hunnybunchesok :  first of all, I went to my cousin’s bachelorette party in NOLA for a weekend and none of us (“regular girls”) flashed our boobs at anyone thank you very much. Most of us did wear shorts or skirts though seeing as it’s is so damn warm in NOLA. 

Secondly, it sounds like maybe you don’t trust your fiancé not to break the ground rules you have set. If certain things (too much drinking, lap dances) are deal breakers for you then if your fiancés respects you, he will respect them. If him going away for a weekend to New Orleans with “lifelong friends” is a deal breaker, then tell him and he’ll respect that too. But if you don’t trust him, then that is a whole different issue, Bee. 

Post # 87
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Just want to say that the boozy, breasty, strippy part of New Orleans is pretty much confined to one tiny area. The city is a national treasure, and there is SO MUCH MORE to it than Bourbon Street. Locals NEVER spend Mardi Gras on Bourbon. Uptown and in mid-city, it’s absolutely a family friendly two weeks of the year. 

So, a bachelor party in New Orleans may make it ‘easy’ to access some debauchery, but I think if your fiance/his friends want to access it, they’ll be able to do it in a midwestern suburb.

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