- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I’ll be a first time mom in September, and both my husband and I are very excited. My DD will have 2 cousins on my husband’s side, but this is the first baby for my side of the family.
Anyways, the problem comes up with regards to my parents, who I live about 6000 miles away from. They are 60 and are going through a very nasty divorce. I’ve been trying to stay out of it for my own sanity, but I don’t really agree with how it is being handled – my dad is being very graby with their money and things and is taking more than his fair share. He is renting this expensive beach front apartment (he is a horder and has way too much stuff in it. He can barely move around and says he doesn’t like living there) while my mom does not have enough money to get her own place and is living with my aunt. My dad is on disability and my mom works in a spa, so they do not make a ton of money and at their age they’ll have a hard time starting over. Plus with how my dad is acting, he is really driving up the bills that are going to the laywers and I’m not sure how much from their savings will be left. My dad has been very reckless with money, and there are times I worry that in a few years he’ll spend everything he has and will come to me when I am just starting out my own family….
So I feel very uncomfortable when either of them offers a gift. Due to his hording and bad shopping habits my dad tends to get things that are not needed/useful, and it just gets to the point that it is too much. Last month my dad sent a few DVDs on baby development that I asked him not to send (we are moving and I don’t want extra things, and I can’t play the DVD anyways because we are in a different region than where he bought it). On top of the cost of purchase and shipping half way across the world, I would rather that he gives the money to my mom to fill up her gas tank for a week. My mom just sent us 100 euros for an anniversary gift, and I just know how much she is struggling and I feel conflicting about accepting it. She’ll be coming out for the baby in September and I’m worried about the cost to her – I’ve offered to pay, my husband and I are not rich by any means and with a new kid finances are tight for us, but we are in a better position to afford it. She said she’ll take care of it and she has frequent flyer miles (from the credit cards she is using to pay her laywers, which I find depressing). She hasn’t gotten her ticket yet and I’m just worried the longer she waits she’ll have to pay more.
On one hand I understand that it is hard for them having their grandchild so far away and this is one way they can feel involved and I do want to be grateful for that. On the other hand I don’t want them to spend outside of their means just to make a gesture, especially when I know they can’t afford it. I’m sure as the kid gets older it is going to become even more of a problem – especially because I don’t want her to grow up with the excessive consumption habits my dad has.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by FruitBasket.