Post # 17
@MrsTVLover: I agree, I think it’s still kind of a sticky situation. I would have them return the ring and tell him to pick out a $5,000 ring on his own or with your help if that’s an amount he feels comfortable with as a loan. If it were me, I would wait until he’s done with law school. One year as an attorney and he’ll have enough for a nice ring. How old are you guys?
Post # 18
to the people offended by OP’s Mother-In-Law choosing the ring- my engagement ring was purchased for me by FI’s parents. they offered us the ring instead of a honeymoon. Fiance works retail and we barely have enough money to pay the bills sometime. so we were thrilled that they offered. it might not have been the ideal situation, and people definitely look down on me for it. but it is what it is. and Fiance will pay her back.
OP, enjoy your diamond. i’m sure it will be amazing. but i also agree with PP’s about insuring it asap. if you have homeowners insurance, it can be covered on a rider to that plan. or you can get an individual insurance plan for it.
Post # 19
@pinkshoes: My parents are very traditional and insist on paying for the wedding themselves. Even if we were financially stable and could afford our own wedding, they would still insist on paying for it. My mom is from a very traditional Irish Catholic family and that’s the way she was raised. Her parents never paid for anything for her growing up (including college), but when she got engaged, her parents paid for the entire wedding. If we were going to have to pay for our own wedding, we would still probably get engaged soon and just wait in terms of the wedding. As it is, we don’t have to worry about wedding costs and since we have already been together for almost 6 years, we don’t feel like we want to wait too much longer.
Post # 20
I don’t agree with PP. I totaly think that it is ok that his parents are helping to pay for the ring and that your Future Mother-In-Law is picking out the diamond. What’s the difference between this and a heriloom ring? Someone paid for it at some point that wasnt your Fiance, right? Accept it gracefully and get it insured ASAP.
Post # 21
Parents who might help with $$$, connections, advice or expertise would not bother me at all, but an obvious lack of involvement on the part of Fiance definitely would have. I would have been disappointed in your place that he didn’t make the effort to pick out the stone. Settings can be changed, but the stone is forever.
As far as the cost itself, everything is relative. I realize that is a lot of money and that many people in this country can’t even begin to afford a ring in that range, but in a major city like Boston it’s really not such an unusual price point.
The only reason I’d hesitate to wear an expensive ring is if I were working for a nonprofit or regularly going through crime ridden neighborhoods. I’d turn the ring around on your finger when you are in public transit or crowded places and definitely get it insured. I used to be a little more self conscious of my ring, but now I drive everywhere and it doesn’t even occur to me.
Post # 22
I wouldn’t want a ring under those circumstances.
Post # 23
@nber0815: I totally understand your sentiment about wearing something so expensive everyday. I also feel the same exact way; I’ll be buying a stand in for day to day wear since I’m still in school and will be treating patients monday-friday, so that’s an option to consider.
I also understand your apprehension about the cost. However, if its a price that easily fit into SO’s parent’s budget-then why not? Accept it graciously and think of it as a gift from your future in-laws. This may be a cultural thing, but where I come from, an engagement/marriage is really a celebration of the eventual unity of both families. Its not unusual for parents of the future groom to want to chip in/help out honestly.
And unlike other bees, as long as my SO had a say in the ring-gold type, how large, etc, I would still see it as a gift from him, while thanking his family for being so considerate/eager to accept me into their family.
I’m not one of those gals that believes a man needs to be stressed out/sweating/trying to figure out how he is gonna pay for a ring that is 5k and up, ESPECIALLY when he is still in school/pursuing a professional degree. There is no “one size fits all” to this process, because everyone’s situation is different. If you trust that your SO loves you, cares for you, is hardworking, and has the intention of marrying you, then accept it graciously.
Congrats in advance!
Post # 24
@weddingmaven: I work for a non-profit! I assume you’re saying be careful in this sense because of the neighborhood/clientele? If so, that’s not something I need to worry about in my place of work, due to the nature of our work, but is there another reason you specifically say non-profits!??? Now I’m concerned!
Post # 26
Sounds like you’re about to get engaged! I think you’re going to be able to move on from this, it doesn’t really sound that bad to me. It’s nice that his family wants to be involved (I know it’s for their own reasons, it’s still nice though). No need to continue being uncommfortable about the gift that you’ll be receiving!
Post # 27
@nber0815: Here’s a recent thread on that subject. As a poster there said, it will depends on the type of non-profit and your role there. Lots of work with the poor, there may be a disconnect with your co-workers and it might hinder you in advancing in your career. Working on the cure to cancer, probably not a big issue.
Large-ish Engagement Rings and Nonprofits
Post # 28
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@nber0815: I would feel uncomfortable in that situation, too. The loan isn’t the problem, nor is the mom picking out the stone. It’s her totally disregarding your agreed-upon wishes about the ring. The engagement process is supposed to be you and your fiance making life decisions together. Instead, his mother is ramrodding all over your decisions and plans because “she knows best”.
You should be able to return a diamond within a certain time window. I would tell your fiance that you’re NOT comfortable with the price going beyond what was agreed upon. Ask him to ask his mom to return it and find one that is within the 5k budget.
PS – the thing about the non-profits – I think she was referring to either a) you working with potentially sketchy clients or in potentially sketchy neighborhoods, or b) you wearing a large flashy ring and making your potentially underpaid coworkers feel a little uncomfortable. (Obviously those are HUGE assumptions that I personally don’t agree with, necessarily.)
Post # 29
@weddingmaven: Thanks! I never thought of any of that. In my role, I don’t really work with our clients (more of the data/administrative end of things) and several of my co-workers have sizeable rocks on their fingers (I am, by far, the youngest person in my office. That said, it’s only an office of about 7 people). As for advancement, I’m leaving in the next year or so to go back to grad school in a completely different field, so I’m not too concerned. But this gave me something to think about in general, so thanks for opening my eyes!
Post # 30
Just accept it as a wedding gift. A lot of family I know, the parents get them a new car or a house as a gift on their wedding day. Don’t worry about that 10k ring. Even if it’s a 50k ring, It’s still okay. They won’t give you such gift if they can’t afford it.
Post # 31
I would suggest to the Fiance to pay his mother back the full price of the diamond, even if she doesn’t ask him for the extra $5K. It just seems like the right thing to do.