(Closed) Uncommon Addressing Question for Invitations

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

What do you mean by girlfriend?  Like just their friend that lives with them or they are all an item?  If the former, and you don’t know her, you can just invite the couple.  If the latter, then I guess you would invite all three…

Post # 4
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Uhh. Wow. Are you friends with said girlfriend? Do they consider themselves a “social unit” as the three of them or just the couple with a special friend on the side. And is it just a gf or like a sister wife? If that is the case I would invite her for sure, but otherwise… good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Are they in an open relationship (and the three of them are an item)?

If so, I would address it as:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Jane Doe

1234 Main St.

Anytown, USA  12345

Post # 6
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@oracle:  +1

But, OP I really want to know what you mean by girlfriend!  Like PP said, if it’s just a friend who lives with them, you are not obligated to invite her.  The nature of the relationship makes all the difference.

I think…

Post # 8
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I say no. It doesn’t sound like they’re a social unit (as you’re friends with the couple, are aware that they have a girlfriend, but have never met her). If you would like to invite her anyway, I’d think she would get her own invitation. Even if their situation is common knowledge, an adult social unit is at the most 2 people (save for a sisterwife situation).

Post # 9
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

ooo this is interestingly saucy

but i wouldn’t invite the girlfriend. you’ve never met her and the initial couple are married.

 

and i totally agree with @Overjoyed:  that if you were to invite her, she’d get her own invite.

Post # 10
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Typically, you should invite both (all?) parts of a social unit.  Since the girl friend shares a home with the married couple, that would make thema  social unit under the normal definitions.

But, a three-person relationship isn’t particularly well recognized or accepted by many folks in society.  If you (and/or your FI) feel particularly awkward about inviting the girlfriend on a day you are committing to each other for the rest of your lives, or if the “unusual” relationship is not particularly public (the husband and wife don’t advertise that they’re part of a “thruple”) it might be best to not invite the girlfriend.  In either of those instances, you might want to talk to the married couple and feel out what they prefer or are “ok with.”

If you do invite everyone; I’d suggest addressing the envelope as suggested by @oracle:  Though, I’d possibly try to fit all three names on one line – so “Jane Doe” doesn’t look like the child of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.  Also, whether or not all the names fit on one line, at least make sure you use the honorific “Ms.” (or “Miss, if she prefers) before Jane’s name. 

Post # 11
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

You’ve never met her.  So I vote no. 

Post # 12
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You know, I actually lean toward telling you to invite her. My logic is that if you would invite the live-in significant other of a (legally) single guest, you should invite this live-in significant other as well. Their structure of their relationship may not be traditional or the societal norm, but they’re still a unit, and I think it could be more problematic to only recognize the portion of the unit that’s legally married.

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