Unconditional Trust- Would you be mad if your partner felt insecure?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Agree completely. Seems much more healthy to me than creating a relationship where one party is fearful of even bringing up a slight insecurity in case they get guilted about it.

Post # 17
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t believe in unconditional anything. It’s a nice ideal to shoot for, but it’s compeltely unrealistic for human nature. It can’t be achieved. It’s the same as expecting perfect from either yourself or another human being; and that’s not fair for anyone.

Post # 18
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I believe in transparency. If my Fiance asks me something, I should honestly respond and vice versa. For us, that’s how we’ve built trust in each other — because we’re both open books.

But we definitely weren’t like that when we first got together. I had some bad relationships prior to him and I didn’t trust him further than I could throw him when we first got together. But over time because of his transparecy and consistency I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t ever wonder about him being faithful. 

 

Post # 19
Member
6321 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

rosydelight :  I agree. There is no such thing as unconditional love for a partner (my love might well fizzle in the face of abuse, adultery or addiction), nor is there such a thing as unconditional trust. The whole idea of “don’t question me no matter how odd or unusual my behaviour” is absurd. I DO trust my Darling Husband completely now and always have. But if I started finding unusual hotel bills, fancy dinners out, bills from stores where I never saw what was purchased or he started being gone at odd times, I think we might have to have a discussion. All humans are fallible, and that means that he is not perfect and has the capacity to cheat (no matter how unlikely I think it might be), and I am not perfect and have the capacity to feel doubt. Partners should treat one another kindly and be willing to address these things if or when they arise.

Post # 20
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

100% 

In that other post, the man basically punished his SO with his over the top reaction.  Conditioning your partner to not ask reasonable questions is both dubious and kind of emotionally abusive.

Post # 21
Member
4269 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

In my marriage my husband never gives me a reason to feel insecure.  I’ve felt insecure in relationships before and can say that it makes a huge difference.  If we have problems we talk through them and move on.

Post # 22
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

mingogo4 :  Oh wow, I can’t imagine feeling angry/hurt if my Fiance was insecure about something. Honestly, if he asked about something, I’d just be glad he asked rather than kept feeling insecure or worried. I’d only be upset if he was so insecure that he did something behind my back to try and “catch” me (definitely nothing to “catch” lol) or something.

Post # 23
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think it all depends on what life has thrown your way. I had the unfortunate experience of walking in on my (ex) boyfriend sleeping with another girl….in my bed. Seeing something like that changes you. It is human nature to want to protect yourself from that kind of hurt ever again. I will probably always, in the back of my mind, wonder whenever the phone goes off late at night or where he is when hes running late. That is my burden to carry and that is ok. Not everyone has gone through the same things and had the same experiences. It would be crazy to think we all have the same mind set. That also doesnt mean that my relationship is ” less succesful” than others who have no trust issues. It’s all how you conduct yourself. I know when my mind goes to dark places that its just that, my mind, not reality.

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