(Closed) Uncooperative FI

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

You need to sit down with him and go over the entire guest list (not at a time when he brings up who else he wants tot invite).  You need to list who is on your list an who is on his.  Also show who received (is receiving) invites and who he added.  It sounds like his numbers are going to overrun your numbers like crazy.  Show him how much his group will outnumber yours and talk about the numbers you can afford.  Maybe there is a reason he keeps asking for more.  Are his parents pushing it.  You may also want to include a list of people that you had to cur from your list.  If all else fails cry from the stress or be the bridezilla.  Every girl is entitled to a moment or to of insanity to get what she wants to reduce the stress of her wedding especially when it comes to the guest list and adding costs.

Post # 4
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with tberry – and you – this totally needs to stop.  You can’t invite people while hoping they won’t actually show up.  It’s so rude to invite people without actually sending invitations.  It’s really late in the game for these issues to be coming up!  It is also too, too bad that you didn’t have a serious guest list discussion earlier, because that discussion could have been something like "Well, we can invite these extra people as long as your family agrees to cover the added cost.  Otherwise, we have no way to pay for it."  But at this point, if you have already sent invitations, it seems to me its really too late.

If for some reason there are people that Fiance thinks you have to include somehow, and they didn’t get put on the list, then perhaps a second reception (a nice open house maybe) is the solution.  But really, you decide who you HAVE to invite based on how many people you can accomodate.  Immediate family obviously.  Aunts and Uncles? Sure would be nice.  Cousins? If you have room.  We stopped at cousins – are not inviting even any of their kids – because we have a venue size limit of 160. 

There are a lot of bees playing the game of inviting people and then counting on them not coming – because they really don’t have room.  I just am not comfortable with that.  And your situation is really dangerous – if you’re not sending invitation, just inviting people over the phone, how will you have any idea how many will show up?  What will happen when there’s not enough food or chairs for all of them?  Does your Fiance have some answers to those questions?  Hopefully he is also going to call all these phone invites back before the wedding to see whether they are coming, as you know they are not going to hand-write RSVPs when they didn’t actually receive an invitation.

And seriously, you don’t really "want him to have the people he wants" at the wedding.  You want 120 people.  You want a nice compromise between everyone he wants and everyone you want, that also fits your budget.  You don’t want 200 people showing up and some people (who may have actually received invitations) not getting to eat or sit down, and everyone talking about what a nightmare it was that you somehow didn’t bother to provide enough food or drink or seating.  You are right, and he is not, but that doesn’t matter as much as the fact that apparently he is just doing whatever he wants, regardless of your concerns, and is not particularly willing to listen to your concerns or take them seriously – and you really don’t want that kind of behavior from your Fiance, or from your husband, because it will be an ongoing nightmare.

Not to blow things out of proportion, but it really helps to (at some point, and maybe that is now) have one of those conversations.  You know, where you let him know that this particular issue is a big concern to you.  And he should recognize that, and adjust his behavior accordingly.  And not to make light of tberry’s suggestion, but you really don’t want the kind of relationship where you have to end up in tears and throwing the china before you can be taken seriously, do you?  Have a serious talk with your Fiance about that. 

Post # 5
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I think it is only 2 people- phone invite them or see if you can spare one invite, but make it clear to Fiance that this cannot continue to happen. . . My mom was a crazy inviter for my enagement party and had like 3 rounds of invites because she was set on having 200 people- it was a bit of a nightmare while it was happening but in the end it turned out great- we had a lot of people and it was really fun . . .

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