- KKJohnson
- 1 year ago
- Wedding: October 2015
walk away, you feel terrified because deep down you know it’s a bad decision
walk away, you feel terrified because deep down you know it’s a bad decision
Noooo don’t do it. This is one of those crucial life moments where you have 2 choices and you don’t want to look back on this moment 30yrs down the track and say why didn’t I take this seriously enough
My dad and one of his best friends were serious gamblers. My parents divorced over it as she was also blindsided by the truth and he ended up with crazy debts. My mum was luckily strong enough to start from scratch and make good investments but we never got any money from my dad to assist us growing up as he always had debts’ He didn’t even get me a wedding present, let alone pay anything towards my wedding or any part of my life. He wasn’t a bad father or a bad man he just did not make good life choices and now in his 70s owns nothing. This was an only child with millionaire parents, the best school education provided to him, work opportunities etc all gone. It was incredibly hard to feel responsible for my dad and worry about whether he would have enough petrol money or what would happen to him in his old age. It really is not something that can be fixed overnight and what he is telling you is massive, he has had a whole secret life and you never even knew.
I’m glad you backed out of the house. I still think you are fooling yourself by not making this a clean break. These things are never easy, but in this case it’s the right thing to do.
It’s a relief to hear that you’ve put the breaks on things. Now the next step is to extricate yourself completely and walk away. This is not the kind of situation you hold out for. If you’d been married for ten years with kids, maybe you do some soul searching and some counseling to find out if it’s salvageable, but not when you’ve only known the person a year and a half and he was lying to you the entire time. Dating and living together is the trial period, to get to know someone as well as possible before getting locked into any binding commitments with them. So you uncovered some irrecoverable truths and damage. He is not marriage material. You owe him nothing. Don’t stay for love. Don’t throw your love away on a charlatan who set you up and lied to you. Don’t stay with him because you can’t leave him while he’s sick. He spent years walking himself into this addiction, only he can get himself out. And it has to be because he wants to get well FOR HIMSELF. It won’t work for him to tell himself that he’s doing it for someone else and no one else can do it for him.
I posted before about the abyssmal statistics for recovery among addicts, which is more accurately described as “remission” since the addiction is always there, it’s just a matter of whether or not they successfully resist it. For your well-being, for your health and safety, no matter what he says to you, understand that addicts lie. They lie endlessly. They use. They use anyone and everyone around them. They are great at feigning remorse but not good at truly feeling it because however did they walk themselves so deeply into their addictions in the first place? He knows one thing: he is better off with you than without you, but it’s all at your expense. He gets the stability you offer, you get….his lying, deception and his debt. He almost had you legally co-signed to all his debt. What a narrow miss that was for you and think about the fact that he was willing to do that to you. Addiction is inherently and endlessly self-serving. Get out. Get out. Get out. Unentangle yourself from him completely and turn your back on this. Give your love to someone who has something to give in return. And who cares about you enough not to lure into a sand pit that’s going to wreck your life, saying “I love you” while you sink into the pit. This guy will destroy you while he promises you the world. Get away from completely.
Hi all – I wanted to let you know that I left the relationship and am now rebuilding myself. Your posts definitely help me that critical week when In had to make some big decisions. Thank you xx
I’m so glad you got yourself free! Good luck moving forward!
Dear bee, you don’t know me, but I read your story a few months ago and genuinely worried about you and wished you the best. I am so happy that the best is actually happening for you and YOU were responisble for it! I am so proud of you. it can’t have been easy!
Spend some good quality time with yourself, pamper yourself, do things thatching you joy. Healing takes time. Be kind to yourself. If you like meditating, try the free app “1 giant mind”, it’s amazing.
A new, sstronger you has emerged from that situation. Congratulations!
I would also like to give a shoutout to @gimmepretty, as she expressed exactly what I was thinking. 🙂
Thank you for coming back to let us know how you are.
You did the right thing. Have no doubts. Now you can live a happier and more rewarding life.
I wish you all the best and am glad that the Bee was a resource you could use to help you during that awful time.
Good for you!
I hope you heal, and move foward with your head held high for putting yourself first and I hope he gets the help he needs.
So glad you updated! I can’t begin to imagine just how hard and stressful this has been for you…. but you absolutely did the right thing! So proud of you, bee!
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