Undecided on bridesmaid…

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Who should I make my 4th bridesmaid?

    Girl A

    Girl B

    Neither, just invite both as guests.

    Wait and see how both friendships develop and ask 4th BM later.

  • Post # 2
    5234 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    Bee2Be21 :  I would not have someone stand up next to me if I thought they were trashing me behind my back. I would probably be distancing myself from that person. I don’t keep people in my life who actually bitch about me and trash me behind my back. That’s beyond disrespectful.

    I would go with girl b, who is actually sweet and supportive of you

    Post # 3
    5234 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Saw that you said she doesn’t contribute to the bashing party that these people participate in, but she sits in on it and doesn’t say anything.


    Post # 5
    588 posts
    Busy bee

    i would not ask girl A.  sounds like that is asking for drama and that you are drifting away from that group of friends.

    i would maybe wait and see on girl B.  when is your wedding?  see how your friendship with her progresses over the coming months.

    Post # 6
    5688 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Girl B or neither. 

    Post # 7
    1431 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: USA

    View original reply
    Bee2Be21 :  Don’t put someone in your bridal party who isn’t a true friend. Doesn’t matter what you “promised” at the time, this Girl A has shown her true colors and things have changed. I’d ask Girl B if I were you. 

    Post # 8
    4921 posts
    Honey bee

    I didn’t read the specifics about each woman.

    However, I would encourage you to stop thinking of it as a “spot” to fill.

    There is no rule that sides have to be even or there be a specified number of spots.  Thinking of it in terms of spots basically turns them into a commodity to be judged and traded in or out depending on the number of spaces.  That is not a good way to go about decision making for something that should be about honoring your friendship.

    Ask yourself “is this a person who I can’t imagine getting married without them standing by my side and honoring our friendship?” If the answer is yes, then ask them.  If the answer is no, then don’t.  If that results in one person or three people or 10 people…then so be it.

    Post # 10
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I asked a newer friend of a little under a year to be one of my bridesmaids and it was a great decision! My wedding was over a year ago and we are still super close and probably will be for life. I asked her over some friends of many more years but those friendships were kind of drifting away and I didn’t see much of a future with them like I did with this newer friend. 

    I think its really important to ask friends you are currently close with no matter how long you’ve known them. Sometimes when brides ask old friends that they aren’t as close with anymore to be bridesmaids they discover the friendship is pretty much faded out, and that can be upsetting. 


    Post # 11
    775 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Definitely do not ask girl A. That is just asking for extended friend group drama, and even if she ‘understands’ why you broke up with that group may cause difficulties if you don’t invite the rest of them (which I would hope you wouldn’t). 

    As for girl B, I don’t think it matter so much how long you have known her if she is being a good and supportive friend. But I also agree that you don’t need to fill spots or match numbers (I had 3 bridesmaids, my husband had 4 groomsmen). I’m also inclined to be in favour of smaller bridal parties just for simplicity sake (fewer people to coordinate for stuff, etc). It could be a strain on girl B to be a bridesmaid from afar. 

    Post # 12
    10299 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    My first thought was why must there be 4? I agree with the pp who said it might be useful to stop thinking of it as a ‘spot to fill’ and just have those people you are absolutely happy to have. 

    Post # 13
    530 posts
    Busy bee

    I;m in a similar boat…I met a girl and became pretty good friends with her in a short period of time! I’m hoping if this pogresses ill ask her in january to join my bridesmaid party!

    Id go with girl B 🙂

    Post # 14
    13786 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I agree that sides don’t have to be even and shouldn’t be if the relationship isn’t there. That said, I think a year is plenty of time to get to know someone well and it sounds as if you won’t regret asking B for her own sake. I don’t see why you have to wait, either. I’d be done with A after the way she’s behaved and would wish her well but not feel obligated to even invite her to the wedding. 

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