(Closed) Under two months and the ex thoughts start…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Been there… done that.

Ya it is wierd… when you LOVE someone so much it hurts…

BUT if they hurt you back… it ain’t LOVE

It is just plain old INFATUATION… or LUST

Period

Mature love isn’t like this…

Infact I’d say, it isn’t really like what you have going now (sorry, but as someone who has been down the tear-filled aisle, and 20 miles of bad road afterwards… I feel I owe you the truth)

People who LOVE you, honestly LOVE you don’t hurt you.  They put your needs absolutely first (think back to your past relationship… did you put him first… would you have EVER frickin cheated on him, or messed around in anyway with anyone else).  NO, right?  That my dear is because you were over the moon in love.

Personally, if all this stuff is going thru your head right now… having doubts etc.

I’d say… COOL YOUR JETS.

I wouldn’t necessarily go back and check out what is going on with your Ex (IMO that boat has sailed… you’ve moved on, matured etc)

BUT I wouldn’t necessarily be in a BIG rush to also marry this October.  You need to step back and see what is what.  Figure out where your head, your heart and your “other bits” are at… and try to find a way to align all 3… because if you don’t I can promise you that THIS Marriage ain’t gonna work out.

Sorry, if my words sting… but hon, if I could spare you the 20+ years of grief I went thru it would be a good thing… I wouldn’t wish Divorce on even my worst enemy.

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 4
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybe it’s just me, but this sounds like more than just “cold feet.” I think that if you really really want your marriage to work out, you MUST break it off with EX COMPLETELY! Delete his number, defriend him from FB, Delete his email. If necessary, change your phone number so her can’t contact you. This might sound extreme but I’m serious. You will NEVER be happy with your future husband, NEVER, if you continue to have contact with EX. It will be hard at first, but as time goes by you WILL forget.

I went thru a similar ordeal. I thought I was ready to move on and started dating my now Fiance several years ago. But I soon realized I still had very strong feelings for my ex. Like you, I thought that I could never love anyone the way I loved my ex. It wasn’t till I made the difficult choice to cut him off from my life that I finally began to forget. Needless to say, I am now happier than ever before and I don’t even think about my ex… ever. Now I can’t imagine loving anyone more than I love my Fiance.

Love is a CHOICE! Remember that.

Post # 5
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re not with him today for a very good reason. I doubt he’s changed. Brush those thoughts aside and be glad you have someone who loves you as much as you love him.

Post # 6
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with This Time Round  I also think it IS just plain old INFATUATION or LUST. You just need to LET GO!

Post # 9
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Totally agree with @This Time Round:  

I find that when someone doesn’t love you back, you start to develop stronger and stronger feelings.  It’s hormones.  It’s the excitement of the “chase.”  It’s everything EXCEPT real true wonderful love.

I really think that exploring your feelings with a therapist would help.  Even just a session or two.  If you work, see if your job offers free counseling through an EAP program.  

Good luck.  🙂

Post # 10
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The ex needs to get the axe. For real.

I also had one of those — he would never commit to me, but he ruined every other relationship I tried to have. As soon as I was seeing someone, suddenly I had his full attention — calling, texting, asking to come over. I would even cheat on the past boyfriends with him, hoping that if I proved that I put him first no matter what, he’d want to be with me. Yeah, nope. I finally cut him out completely and haven’t spoken to him in years. I don’t even think about him. I have him blocked on every social network, blocked his phone number, cut ties with everyone who knew us mutually … so I haven’t even heard his NAME in years. And now I am happily married to the RIGHT person.

You cannot, repeat CANNOT maintain a friendship with him. It has “FAIL” written all over it.

Post # 14
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@HelloNurse13:  … but you admit that you still have incredibly strong feelings about him and that it hurt so much when he said he loved you and wanted to put a ring on it! So by maintaining any relationship with him at all, you’re just putting yourself in a really bad position for no reason. I guess if you want to do that, go ahead … but we’re all telling you it’s a bad idea because we know how that story goes.

ETA — sorry, didn’t see your next post right away!

Post # 15
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@HelloNurse13:  It can be hard, don’t get me wrong. It was VERY hard. You have to go in stages. It will probably involve making new friends. Imagine you were recovering from a drug problem, and most of your friends were the people you used to do drugs with. You know full well that it isn’t healthy for you to hang around with them, because they aren’t a positive influence. It can be a long hard road to get away from them, but at least for me, the guy in question was every bit as addictive as a drug! So yeah, my social circle looks very different now. It’s just one of those things I had to do in order to successfully move forward with my life.

What’s funny is that now, I don’t miss him, or them, or any of that part of my life, at all!

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