(Closed) understanding men

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

 

Post # 4
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Men are actually can be pretty open with their feelings… IF YOU KNOW what to look for. As women we are way more verbal than they are. They use fewer words. So you have to be able to read them (body language) and what they do and don’t say.

Doesn’t sound like this guy is as fond of you as you are of him.

If he was truly over the moon about you, he would have used words to say that (when a guy says something… listen, they don’t usually mix words when they are open to expressing their feelings). Otherwise you have to read what they don’t say… if he hasn’t said anything, it is most likely that he doesn’t have feelings for you, but doesn’t want to hurt you by saying so (guys hate nothing more than seeing a girl cry for example… it makes them very very uncomfortable… they will DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING TO AVOID THAT)

Also from my experience, sometimes the Bad Boys (player boys) use the silent gap to their advantage. Theyll let you put it all out there, in hopes that they might get lucky. They wont actually speak up (and loudly so) when theyve had their fill... and want you to go.<br /><br />This inevitably leaves us poor gals shell-shocked wondering what WE DID WRONG, and how come the whole thing didnt work out as we thought it would (visualized)

Honestly, what we did wrong, was we misread them. But I agree it can be really frustrating when they dont say much to begin with.<br /><br />Ive found that the 3 best books ever written about how to make sense of guys and this whole Dating world are

John Grays *Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus*<br /><br />Greg Behrendts *Hes Just Not That Into You*<br /><br />(there is a great chapter entitled, Hes Just Not That Into You… If Hes Not Calling You / Dating You)<br /><br />and<br /><br />Dr Phils *Love Smart – Find The One You Want / Fix the One You Got*

The first two will tell you a lot about how men tick, and *Hes Just Not That Into You* and Dr Phils *Love Smart* will help you to see what doesnt work when it comes to men and WHY... once you figure out YOUR LIFE PLAN then knowing which guys out there are potential mates is a lot easier. And a lot less heart-breaking overall.<br /><br />I read all of these books Post Divorce, and soon found I was attracting a better quality of guy... and although they were "substantially different" from any guys Id dated in the past (I liked Bad Boys) these guys who I otherwise wouldn`t have ever taken a second look at, were a lot more compatible with me and my needs. Result I am getting married again, when I never thought this would happen again… and I am super happy… to be with a guy who is sooo MY SOUL MATE. He treats me like a princess, and our relationship is sooo easy because there is no drama…. we are just so intune with each other (and its been almost 7 years of bliss). I cannot wait to marry him later this year.

Hope this helps,

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EDIT TO ADD – Sorry about all the HTML code, dont know what happened there... I tried to repost to fix it, but it didnt seem to work.  Hopefully you can read the post none-the-less

 

Post # 5
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jroot19:   Can you provide more details?  What is the nature of your relationship?  What has transpired between the two of you so far?  Have you been dating?

I agree with This Time Around that usually men are pretty transparent with their behavior and feelings.  If a guy is interested in you he’ll make it obvious.

Post # 7
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jroot19:  I think you answered your own question. He is not comfortable with having a long distance relationship. I think you should move on.

Post # 8
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jroot19:    I’m thinking he is interested in you but maybe is a little afraid that you only think of him as a friend.  You could reassure him by letting him know you’re starting to develop romantic feelings for him.  The comment you made about only making out with boyfriends may have confused him and scared him into thinking you don’t see HIM in that way.

You could say something along the lines of, “I am attracted to you.  I’d love to make out with you and see if we can take our friendship to the next step.  I really like and care for you very much and, if you’re also interested, I’d like to see if we can have what it takes to have a romantic relationship.”

My gut feeling is he’s protecting himself from potential rejection or also the possibility of losing your friendship.  He probably is being respectful not to cross any boundaries that he’s not sure you want crossed. 

Post # 10
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jroot19:   I think that’s the best idea.  I hope everything works out, please keep us updated!  🙂

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