(Closed) Understanding your resentment and anger waiting for a proposal…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
4341 posts
Honey bee

Or….”she keeps talking about wanting to sleep with me, but……”.

For me, my response would be to leave because I don’t enjoy being toyed with.

lyssamar :  Keep the date in mind, you dont need to say any more to him. And if he still can’t bring himself to propose, it will best for you to move on completely – for your own mental health. 

I don’t advocate waiting years for a proposal that may or may not come….unless you’re 17. Too often it leads to nothing but time spent on someone who doesn’t feel about you the same way you feel about him. And though there are outliers – I recall one from this board who waited 20 years- I don’t call that a success story. It’s more like erosion.

Post # 48
Member
18 posts
Newbee

personaperson :  what were the things you had to work through for those two years before you decided to propose back to him?  And how old were you?  Honestly curious. 

Congratulations!

Post # 49
Member
613 posts
Busy bee

missjakob :  I was 18 when we met,  29 when we started dating, 31 when he wanted to get married, 33 when I proposed and 34 when we got married.

 

i had to work through feeling certain he and our life was what I could be sure of wanting 30 years from now, how our jobs and ways of life would fit and the compromises they would entail, how we would be equal partners, how I felt about lifelong monogamy and so on.

Post # 50
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

Just to add to this- there’s a breaking of trust that happens too. If your SO promises proposals constantly, at first you believe him. Than when it doesn’t happen, you stop trusting him. No trust=no relationship.

Post # 51
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

This is so good. It totally explains what makes waiting so hard and validates what a lot of us felt before the proposal came. I’ll never forget how frustrated and powerless I felt. Especially since FH couldn’t understand why. I wish I had seen this then to be able to better explain what I was feeling to him.

Post # 52
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

OP, thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is a very good explanation. I recently got engaged, but I still feel a little bit of resentment over the waiting game. One particular hurtful moment for me was seeing a couple of our friends getting engaged after dating for less than a year. I understand that everyone’s relationship and timelines are different, but in all honesty I just felt like I failed as woman. Some people get proposed to after less than a year of dating and I wasn’t good enough to get a proposal after 5 years. I love my fiance dearly and am excited to marry him, but I understand those women who in the end walk away or say “no”.

Post # 53
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

SecCod :  Russian men don’t buy a ring. Maybe a very simple one or flowers, that’s it. I moved to North America, originially from Russia too so I know how things are. I agree with you to some extent but here men do need to save up money to buy a ring, sometimes it costs more than most Russian men make a year….

Post # 54
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Puss_in_Boots :  Sometimes I feel the same way, like why am I not good enough to get a proposal after 4.5+ years? Thank you for articulating that. Congrats on your proposal!

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