(Closed) Uneasy about boyfriend's sexual past

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

wittykitty64:  And if you were single, I’m sure you’d have sex with someone else. Why on earth are you getting upset over a hypothetical situation? I feel for the guy; he’s in a no-win situation here.

Post # 77
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

jonandjessgetwed:  “do you really want to know the answer?” 

LOL, that would make me even MORE curious! good advice though. 

Post # 78
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

ohhsnap:  Glutton for punishment. To me the OP sounds very immature. These are things that insecure immature people ask because they usually arent secure in their own sexuality. Then they hear these things and begin comparing their experience or lack thereof to that of their partners and start second guessing themselves and their relationship. 

I dont care what my Darling Husband did before me because he was not with me…He had his own life before me..I had my own life before him. I certainly wouldnt want him quizzing me and then determining my past single behavior on whether or not I would make a good wife or not. What I do in my relationship with him is what is important, not what I did prior to meeting him.

Edit: She probably also expects him to pine for her should they break up and she probably also expects him to never have sex with anyone else either. Hence the would you ever marry someone else if I died?

Post # 79
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

wittykitty64:  

You can talk to your boyfriend about your feelings if you choose to. Just be aware that constantly bringing up his sexual past could come across as very annoying and judgmental. I wouldn’t be happy if I shared something personal with my husband and he kept harping on it.

So what if your boyfriend would have sex with two women in one day if he was single again? I fail to see how that pertains to your relationship with him. Honestly, if you can’t handle the idea of a man with a high sex drive who had fun when he was single, you should probably end your relationship with your boyfriend and only date virgins. This is clearly a moral issue for you. I also sense a lot of insecurity on your end. 

 

 

Post # 80
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Mrs.MilitaryBee:  

This. What my husband did with other women before me is completely irrelevant to our marriage. 

Post # 81
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I don’t think it matters either. What happened happened and even though he says if things were different there’d be a chance he’d do it again, things aren’t different. He’s with you so you shouldn’t be bothered by it.

Post # 82
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

milabeehappy:  it’s not really sleeping around, like a PP statEd, that’s like him sleeping with 2 people a year in the last 10 years

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  ohhsnap.
Post # 84
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Yep, I agree that you’re over-reacting.  And you’re being very judgmental.  I don’t think you and he are good fit.

Post # 85
Member
14967 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I get it.  I was actually a little peeved by my husbands past before.  He was certainly more about having no strings attached sex or 3rd date sex type, whereas I was only a relationship sex type and not until after at least a month of dating.  We never really discussed it, but I’m sure his number is up there.  And somehow I did say to him that if we weren’t together then he’d still be some kind of man whore, and he said .. yeah, probably.  But… we are together.  And he doesn’t sleep around NOW.  He’s faithful and doenst cheat.  It doesnt matter what he did before, what he WOULD do if we weren’t together.. point is we ARE, he’s STD free, and he’s not sleeping around anymore.

Post # 86
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

I have learned that this is a question never to ask. I also never answer it. That information is personal, and unless someone has an STD history that needs to be shared, its always private.

Knowing how many people my fiancé has slept with is none of my business, nor do I think I want to know. We’ve never asked, and never told. The only thing questioms like that do is dredge up old things from the place they need to stay, in the past.

Post # 87
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

wittykitty64:  This is going to sound horrible but – men will be men, keep in mind that men won’t be called whores for something but if a lady does something she’s everything under the sun. My Darling Husband was a low key whore before we met, and sometimes I’m fascinated by the stories he shares. If you can’t handle it maybe just don’t bring it up anymore? Lol. I think it’s entertraining and it lets me know what his game plan would  be if we were to ever split so I wouldnt even have to wonder.

Post # 88
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

You’re in the honeymoon stage of your rationship. He’s being the Mr Perfect we all wish we had. But the Mr Perfect behaviour and smooth talk doesn’t last as long as he makes you think it will.

Also, since you’ve just begun this relationship, it’s not too late to leave him if you’re uncomfortable with his sexual partners and history. It’s up to you to make that decision. I personally wouldn’t feel ok learning my SO had 20 sexual encounters or partners.

Post # 89
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

You are being incredibly judgmental and setting him up for failure.

I was a virgin when I met my almost-husband at 24. He had had a fair share of partners before we met, although we have never talked exact numbers (more than 10 but less than 20). We had, and still have, very different views on sex. After a few jealous and judgmental months, I realized that if he was choosing to be faithful to me that I had to let his past go and get over myself. His choices about sex before we met have nothing to do with me. 

Post # 90
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

wittykitty64:  “After evaluating everything I realized it’s not what he’s done in the past that bothers me, it’s the fact that he said he would do it again if he were single and the circumstances were right.”

I commend you for evaluating the true nature of your feelings and figuring out what’s really bothering you. That’s tough to do, and not everyone takes the time to do that.

Having said that; what you’re now saying is that you’re bothered by the fact that, if he were single, he would act single. 

I think you need to go one step further. Why would him acting single, if he were single, bother you? Is it because you’re insecure in your relationship for some other reason? Does picturing your boyfriend with other women make you feel inferior? Jealous? 

Take your introspection one step further, and try to determine why the idea of your boyfriend moving on with his life after you, bothers you. 

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