(Closed) Unemployed and fighting with DH. Vent & advice!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ah, sorry.  I was basing it on US law, in which case the employees do NOT pay into it.  I should not have made assumptions that the OP was in the US.  The rest of my comment stands, though – while I’m sure the money helps, I would still focus on being as productive as possible at home before starting my new job and I wouldn’t need the receipt of EI payments to be focused upon by my husband except maybe “wow, I’m grateful we get those.”

Post # 34
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dinner is not hard to prepare. Especially being home all day, I wouldn’t glorify your meager contributions either. Thankfully you’ll be returning to work and the balance in your relationship can hopefully be restored.

Post # 35
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think it should be acknowledged that since you’re receiving benefits you ARE contributing financially – that is money that you paid into as Unemployment Insurance WHILE you were working. The government didn’t just get that money from other people, they got it from you too. People can be pretty rude when it comes to receiving Unemployment Benefits… 

If you want to minimize the drama, maybe focus more on making dinner as opposed to doing one of the several cleaning jobs you’re probably doing during the day – even though it’s more your thing to clean. That will probably get him off your back and keep in mind, it’s just a few more days until you go back to work! Congrats on your new job!

Post # 36
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t understand how a lot of the bee’s are saying the don’t consider the EI money as a contribution! WTF? I am positive you didn’t just choose to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, and collect money from the government, I think it probably was out of your control. Regardless of if the money is coming from the government (and where I live, EI is taken off of every single pay cheque, and the majority of people are NEVER ABLE TO CLAIM IT, so, technically, if I had to go on EI, I would consider it using a portion of the money I have paid into since I was 13 years old), so all the bees saying that that money doesn’t count, should give their heads a shake, IMO. That’s absolutely ridiculous. OP has said that they wouldn’t be able to get by without that money, so it bloody well counts.

As far as not being so motivated as far as cooking, etc., I do understand why your husband might be upset at the fact that he has to worry about dinner when he gets home, after working all day. Maybe, since you know that he values a homecooked meal at the end of the day, over housework it seems, you can try to focus more on the meal rather than more housework until you start your new job in 10 days. That would be what I would do if I were in your situation.

Post # 37
Member
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

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O.My.Heart:  Can you sit down and discuss the 2 things separately?  First there is the free time that you have right now, and how to deal with dinner.  Second is your financial situation and that you’re still contributing.  I don’t know how important the 2nd conversation is though, in a few weeks you’ll have a paycheque again 🙂

Can you suck it up for a few weeks, cook dinner, and just do large batches so you don’t have to do it every night?  I don’t think it should neccessarily all be you, but it might be worth it temporarily to keep the peace.

Post # 38
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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O.My.Heart:  Yeah, I’m going to go against the grain here and say I feel your pain OP. I am on the hunt for a job, which are thin on the ground currently, and I must say I’m having a very hard time being a Stay-At-Home Wife. My husband is cool with the fact that I don’t cook sometimes, but I get the frustration you feel. We have always been late eaters (8pm abouts) and he gets home at 4pm, I find it silly to change that routine simply because I’m not also working. 

I think battling feeling down and useless while still managing to clean the house, scrub the floors and toilets and get the laundry done should count for something. No one is expecting an accolade or a pat on the back, just a bit of empathy would be good.

I think it’s easy to overlook the fact that bringing in money that’s not hard-earned by the sweat of your brow is still money, and that counts as a contribution in my opinion. Besides, you are starting work again soon, so chin up! 

Post # 39
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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O.My.Heart:  I think some PPs are missing what you said about how your DH was also not perfect when he was staying at home and unemployed. You cut him some slack and so you thought that he would be the same, instead he’s ragging on you for not having dinner on the table. You want him to acknowledge that even though you’re not actively going out to earn it, the money from the unemployment checks has made the household financial situation not so bad.

Conversely, my guess is that your DH is feeling resentful and maybe a little stressed, that he’s the breadwinner right now. Your unemployment checks aren’t going to keep on coming. It’s not enough to be able to make ends meet in the present. And as PPs have pointed out, it seems like he values having dinner ready versus having a clean house.

 

I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault, you guys are just different. My suggestion is that you sit down and have a talk with him – say that you didn’t realize how important it was to him that you cook dinner every night and say that you will start doing so, but please know that the meals might not be like chef quality and ask him if he could help with cleaning on the weekends. Remind him that you tried hard to not nitpick when he was unemployed and that it would be nice if he could return the favor and be kinder. Say that you appreciate his hard work in bringing home the bacon and ask him if he’s stressed about anything.

 

As for the unemployment checks, I think you just have to suck it up and let go of the idea of acknowledgment. I understand that when he was unemployed, he wasn’t even getting anything, but not everyone’s employer provides unemployment benefits anyway. You lucked out. The best solution right now is that you find a new job, then things will return to the status quo because as you say, you guys are best together when you’re both working and sharing household duties. But you also have to learn how to work together when one of you is unemployed because a strong partnership weathers the storms too. Good luck!

Post # 40
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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HannahGrace:  In Canada, where myself and OP live, we actually pay into EI EVERY SINGLE PAYCHECK. It is not money that the government just GIVES YOU.

Post # 41
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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O.My.Heart:  Your husband works out of the house all day and you are unemployed. You should have your home cleaned and have dinner ready when he gets home. That 8 hours every day shouldn’t just be free time to do whatever you want. Tidy up, get chores done, get dinner started or planned out and then do what you want. If you’re unemployed, taking care of your home and partner is your full time job right now. You don’t get off the hook just because your EI brings a check in. 

Post # 42
Member
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

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Jewelieee:  When someone is employed by a company they have to pay into EI in Canada.  It’s not optional.  I had to do it as a student when I was TAing, even though I didn’t qualify based on the hours put in.  If the university didn’t have to make us pay into it, believe me, we wouldn’t have been.

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Baroness_Meg:  Or at least the first portion of the year until it’s maxed 🙂

Post # 44
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2015

So some people are trying to say that in the US, because employers pay it, in NO way do individuals pay it??? Right, because they don’t pass that cost on to us as consumers or employees… give me a break. 

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