Unemployed, Parents Disowned Me, FILs Divorcing; He's Stressed and I'm Stressed

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

gimmepretty :  I agree with everything you’ve said here. Are you a writer per chance? Such eloquence!

Post # 77
Member
676 posts
Busy bee

angieawesome :  I’m surprised by the question but yes.  Maybe the novel length of my posting habits gives me away 😂

ETA:. It’s shameful that I post so many typos! 😬

Post # 78
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee

It’s good that you’ve carefully read the responses and taking it into consideration. 

One bee said it very well, did you even think about why Stay-At-Home Mom get half of the husband’s retirement money, have a look at the research, women generally have lower income and lower retirement savings BECAUSE they sacrificed years to raise children that stalls / derails their whole career trajectory while men’s career continues progressing or even helped by having a family. Not to mention the amount of women in their 50s and 60s divorced and end up living in poverty because they focused on their family instead of growing a career and end up in divorce with no prospects of earning more money nor having a nest egg to retire on, so do you think that’s fair? That the men in those situations reaped all the rewards of having had a family life (at the expense of these women), a successful career, ride into the sunset with all the retirement money and possibly with another woman?

On the face of it, it sounds “fair” to you that he contributes to his own retirement only, but in reality, if you think about it, it’s not fair and shows a lack of focus and understanding of what family and marriage entails from both of you. I don’t think either of you is ready for marriage and you’re going to end up being the one at a disadvantage if you proceed. The fact that he resents the fact that women who didn’t work like his mum gets a share of the marital assets because she sacrificed her career for raising a family shows lack of understanding and maturity. 

Also, he’s dreaming if he thinks just by having assets under his name you’ll have no claim over it. Once you’re married all assets are shared whosever name it is under, you absolutely have a claim  in court on a share of the total marital assets including the house, it doesn’t matter what he calls your contribution, rent or otherwise. Especially if you have children, any prior agreements you had may not even hold up when children comes into the picture. So again, it shows nativity and selfishness that he thinks he can get to keep assets which you both contribute towards. I’m sorry but you’re ultimately going to end up in court if you get divorced, if that’s his mindset (ie it should be all mine because I worked and earned the money). Why are his parents even fighting over the property? One would ask if it’s precisely because his dad has this kind of mindset and discounts the sacrifices and contributions his wife made to their family.

Look if he already own a house and other assets and said he wants to protect those, I might say that’s understandable and fair. But the fact that you both don’t own much and are building assets together in marriage, ie marital assets, and he’s saying he wants to keep it all and being calculating about everything being 50/50 when he earns a lot more than you, shows greed and selfishness.

And if he thinks you’re just going to sit around mooching off him while not working and not having children and wanting a share of his hard earned money while making no contribution whatsoever, it begs the question of how much does he really know you to think that’s something you would do, how much does he trust you, and how strong is this relationship really.

Post # 80
Member
676 posts
Busy bee

 

sassy411 :  that song is a good match!  I’d never heard of it before.  If only we could have the joy of an update that OP has gotten the snake out of her life.

Relatedly, I don’t want to derail, but do you know whatever happened with that thread about the woman wanting to go back to the jerk who threw her and her four kids out of the house?  I knew she’d delete that thread eventually but it was gone before I woke up the next morning.  I wondered if she made any progress on seeing how important it was that she be done with him.  She probably hated my post but I didn’t stay awake long enough to find out.  Just wondering…..  I was just worried for those kids.

Post # 81
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2020

Which state are you in? In Texas if you are married, it doesn’t matter if the house is in husband’s name, you are entitled to half of it unless he purchased house with separate property money. Make sure he does not purchase this house before you’re married (if you choose to continue with this). 

 

This is financially abusive behavior by the way. He does not see you as an equal/partner for life. He sees you as a roommate. This is not a partnership I would continue with.

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