(Closed) Unemployed potential bridesmaid – do I still ask her?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

is there any way you can hep=lp her with some of her potential costs? If not, I would talk to her about it and maybe she can find a way to make it work… but dont pressure her to go even more broke to be in your wedding.. that will only lead to hurt feelings.

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

I have bridesmaids who are all in really tough times, but like you, I couldn’t imagine not having them stand up with me at my wedding. I let them pick their own dress (in a color of my choice) and kept them under $100. The only other expense they will have is having to take an unpaid day out of work for the wedding and rehearsal, and any $ they chose to spend at the bach party- which was probably another $100 each. I tried to keep everything budget friendly and didn’t ask for anything expect for them to buy the dress. If you give your friend plenty of time and be up front about your concern on burdening her- I’m sure the two of you can work it out.

Post # 5
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think you should ask her, and she’d probably be bummed if you didn’t.  I’d ask her but let you know that you completely understand if she isn’t able to commit at this time.  Your wedding is so far off that she has plenty of time to find a job before she’ll have to buy a dress, help host a shower, etc.  Just let you know that you would love her to be a part of your day but that she doesn’t have to give you an answer yet.  

Post # 6
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

since your wedding isn’t for almost two years, could you just hold off asking her for awhile? a LOT can change between now and 2012, especially employment.

that being said, i wouldn’t NOT ask her because of her situation. if its fall 2011 and she still doesn’t have a job, maybe you could offer to pay for part of the dress or help with costs in another way.

Post # 7
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yea I would ask her but just tell her that you understand if she can’t due to costs… and maybe give her a certain period of time to decide? 

Post # 8
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would ask her, but I think that YOU need to make the personal decision now about whether her lack of involvement will harm your relationship.  The only thing I asked of my bridesmaids was to buy the dress (under $100) and show up on the day of the wedding…any other help they offered or involvement they chose was an added bonus.  I did not put it upon my bridesmaids to throw me a shower or a bachelorette party because I knew many of them could not afford it…maybe you could shift your expectations of the involvement of your bridesmaids and make a layout of what EXACTLY you want them to do, start at the bare minimum and work your way up.  Take that layout to your ladies and see if it is feasible for them or not. 

Post # 9
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Definitely ask her!!

Post # 10
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am currently unemployed and was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding. I don’t think having a job is related to whether or not you should ask someone to be in a wedding. If she chooses to turn it down for financial reasons, that’s one thing but thats something she would be concerned with, not you! I am doing temp work and putting money aside to take care of all wedding related expenses for my friend’s wedding in April. I would be devastated if my employment status (depressing enough in itself) was a catalyst in my friend not asking me to stand up for her. Your friend has plenty of time to save, and she will choose to do that if being in your wedding is important to her.

Post # 11
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you ask her! Two years in a long time away! She could certainly find a job by then! And if she doesn’t there are a lot of things you can do to help make being a bridesmaid a little easier for her. 

Post # 12
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think you should ask her and give her the opportunity to say yes or no. Your wedding is pretty far away, so she could get a job between now and then. Since you have been close friends with her, I think her feelings would be hurt if you didn’t ask her.

Post # 13
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think you should definately ask her if you want her in your wedding and let HER decide whether she can afford it or not. If she declines, then atleast you asked ya know.

Post # 14
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

With your wedding so far off, I would wait. As soon as I was engaged, I asked two friends to be BM’s. Fast forward several months: Situations had changed and the wedding I had envisioned had changed. I ended up explaining to both that I was not going to have them as bridesmaids(it worked out well in real life. I am doing a poor job of explaining it here). They were totally cool and understood, but I still felt terrible.

You’ve got a long time and it won’t hurt to wait a few more months just to make sure you have picked the right people for your bridal party.

Post # 15
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Definitely ask her!  You can find lots of ways to have her stand in the wedding and not have it cost her a fortune.  My BM’s are all either in school, mat leave, or just graduated, and they are making it work, I have just made sure to make everything cost effective, and paid for things when possible.  My finace and I paid for the dresses, and they are just paying for alterations, I am giving them jewelery for the wedding day as a gift…etc.

Post # 16
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I was in same situation.  My cousin who I wanted to be my Maid/Matron of Honor recently lost her job 2 d after she was supposed to return from maternity leave from her 2nd child.  Her husband is unemployed as well.  I just decided that she could say no if she wanted.  But to make it easy, I decided I just wanted her to wear black.  Everyone has a black dress.  So I asked her and told her I had no expectations – no shower, no bachelorette party.  I just wanted her to be next to me when I got married.  She of course accepted and is very excited to be part of everything.  And even better, she called today – she and her husband both had really good interviews this week, and already called back for 2nd interviews.  🙂 

And I would have been miserable if I had asked my sister (long story about the sister…) and then Beth would have been hurt. 

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