Post # 16
I finished grad school in May 2017 with the plan to move back to my home state. I applied for jobs in my home state throughout my last year, but I had a hard time getting interviews for the types of jobs I wanted without being local. My advisor offered to have me stay on as a Research Assistant until I had secured a job, but that would have required staying at the university.
I decided to move without a permenant job lined up, even though I knew I was risking a potentially lengthy unemployment. That said, I was a prepared for a such a situation. My SO had agreed that we would move in together, and I would pay for half of the rent, but he would pay a larger share of utilities. I also had over a year’s worth of expenses in savings. Finally, I took on a temporary job that was beneath my credentials just to stay active and have a buffer before dipping into my savings.
The temporary position lasted for three months after the move. It was hard work for not much pay; I was working on a field crew supervised by someone younger and less experienced than me. But I swallowed my pride because I needed to do something to rebuild my professional network in my home state.
When that position ended, I was unemployed for six months after that. It was discouraging in many ways, and I didn’t like having to dip into my savings after a few months, but at least I was never genuinely stressed out about money.
If your partner supported you quitting your job without a backup plan, then hopefully he had considered the possibility of you needing help and will be receptive to that discussion. A temporary job should also be considered, even if the pay is low or you feel overqualified.
Post # 17
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
You keep using the word partner…if he was really a partner he wouldn’t let you be drowning.
Post # 18
I’m confused what a prenup has to do with him helping you out now. A prenup is about what happens if you divorce, isn’t it? So your “partner” would really watch you starve? Not help pay for gas to get to interviews to get a new job? To not help you with housing and watch as you went out on the street? Time to find a new “partner” if that’s the case. And why, no matter how toxic, would you quit a job with nothing lined up if you don’t even have 2 months savings to live off of. That doenst sound like much of ‘life savings’ to count on. I hope you find something quick and work on more of a safety net if it ever comes to having to quit a job wihtout one lined up again… or you find a partner that can/will help you through hard times wiht no strings attached.
Post # 19
Yeah… I’m with PP. I just don’t get how you are completely broke and yet fearful to ask your partner for help. When you quit, didn’t you both devise a plan for how you will manage while you’re unemployed? It generally takes 3-6 months to find a job.
Not trying to beat you up but this is definitely a learning opportunity. You need to speak with your partner and get assistance. Stress will make it even harder for you to secure something. And a true life partner will have your back. Your success is their success!
Post # 20
Talk to your partner. There seems to be a big problem. Prenup type contract doesn’t mean that during marriage you at work suppose to support each other. This need ago be fixed. Even if you were at work.
Being unemployed sucks. I remember applying to every job and I never got an interview in any of the low skilled jobs that other say that “you always get”. There just are places that doesnt have jobs. Are you able to apply to government support? Union unemployment plan? I wish you good luck. Keep applying and maybe go to a free u employment workshop in case there are some free advice/networking opportunities. It’s hard and sometimes it just Takes time even if your CV and interview skills are good.
Post # 21
You have two problems.
First is obviously you need a job, and it’s not always easy to find one. Make sure you have a linkedin profile and it’s set to Searchable, so recruiters might start contacting you. Register on sites like indeed.com, careerbuilder.com and any career-specific recruiting sites. Get your resume out everywhere. Start emailing and calling friends and acquaintances. Finding a job is in and of itself a full-time job, so be prepared to put in 40 hours or more a week on it. Check for local job seeker support groups, and check with your local Dept of Unemployment Services to see if you can get a free resume overhaul and/or job seeking advice. You may not be able to collect unemployment benefits since you left your job voluntarily but you may be able to use other resources that will help you land a job. Dont be afraid to ask.
And as others have noted, you have a partner problem, because if you’re afraid to ask him to help you financially, or if he would say no if asked, then that is a serious red flag in the relationship.
Post # 22
1. You need cash -ASAP. Take any and all work that you can find. Let friends and family know you’re in for any kinds of small gigs (babysitting, dog-walking, dog-sitting, house/plant-sitting). Post ads on facebook, check out services like taskrabbit — there are ways to create nearly instant income if you hustle if you’re really at the point that you spent your last dollar on gas.
2. Reach out to any and all Temp agencies to start looking for something more consistent in the meantime.
3. Network your ass off. Scroll LinkedIn to find any connections (typically 3rd level, but 2nd is ideal!) in your field that you can have coffee chats with. At the end make sure to ask if there is anyone else they’d be willing to connect you with (tactfully and gracefully – not overtly necssarily but read the room)
4. Accept that right now money is the issue not your career. Find a source of income, create financial breathing room for yourself, then start worrying about getting back into a career job.
5. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES!!!
– Don’t leave a job right before Q1 hiring slow down
– Always plan that unemployment takes at least 6-12 months and budget accordingly (if it goes faster, great! Extra savings!)
– Create a detailed budget for during your unemployment period and be rigorous in adhering to it!
– Always have a game plan with your partner on what you’ll do if your job hunt starts to creep up on your dwindling savings, make sure to set a threshold at which you say “right, now we activate our back up plan”
You’ll get through this Bee and I’m sorry you’re in the situation at all. Have a quick pity party (we’re all entitled to those on occasion!) and then kick into high gear solving your urgent problems first and your important problems second.
Post # 23
Well, you clearly didn’t have enough in savings or An actual plan before quitting your job. Although the job market is great right now (at least in the US) you shouldn’t have just assumed that you’d find a job within a few weeks.
what exactly did you sign? Your partners mom didn’t make you sign anything, your pArtner made you sign something.
I don’t understand any of this, why are you with someone who you don’t feel comfortable enough with to ask for some help?
Take any job you can get while trying to find the position you really want.
Use this as a huge learning experience.
Post # 24
rainbow1029 : I find it super concerning that you are not comfortable “asking” your partner for “help”. If you signed a pre-nup, I suppose that means you are married… part of being married is carrying each others’ weight from time to time. You’re a marital UNIT with a shared life, not two individuals who are nice to each other sometimes. Him “helping” you out isn’t a favour – it’s a spouses DUTY. Assuming you remain married for many years, there will come a time when it’s you who has to step up. That’s one of the major benefits of being married… having two people who are committed to the same goals and who are able to take turns carrying more weight than the other so that you both come out better at the end of it.
Post # 25
Going through OPs old (deleted) threads…
she’s only been dating her partner for 7 months.
He was married before and OP hates this fact and has “physical pain in her chest” when thinking about it
4 days ago OP posted that immediately during a discussion about their future (marriage timeline, kids) she felt anxiety and sick.
Sooo all of that is probably why she doesn’t want to reach out for help, it sounds like she doesn’t even want to be with him anymore.
Post # 26
jellybellynelly : Jelly to the rescue!! Is this also the same OP that felt forced into signing a pre-nup that the Mother-In-Law insisted on because the Fiance would inherit the family business?
Post # 27
I was once in a relationship where I would have been scared to ask my partner for financial help like this. It was because he clearly viewed me as inferior and treated me like a child. (I think this came about partially because he was a couple years older and had a well-paying job, while I was finishing up undergrad at the time.) If I needed to borrow money, he would have said I’m irresponsible and childish. He was always making remarks to cut me down, and I was afraid to mess up or do anything imperfect around him, for fear of reinforcing that dynamic. It escalated into emotional abuse. Eventually I left, but the negative remarks that I had internalized stuck with me for a long time afterwards.
I really hope this is not the dynamic of your relationship, but if it is, then you need to reconsider the relationship. A good partner wouldn’t want to see you suffering or going without, and would do whatever they can to help you. A good partnership involved reciprocity; things often aren’t 50/50, but rather 80/20, where one partner picks up the other’s slack when they are in need, knowing their partner will do the same for them when the roles are reversed. Your partner should be willing to help you with this. Definitely talk to him about it; if he balks at giving/lending you money, then that is cause for concern. Hopefully though, he will be understanding and willing to help!
Post # 28
mrsaime : I don’t think so. This thread seems to be the first mention of a pre-nup. In fact when she posted in January, she said:
We have beeen dating for 6 months and of course I don’t expect to be getting married yet.
So I’m not sure where the pre-nup came from.
Post # 29
jellybellynelly : Damn, I just posted my reply before I refreshed the thread and saw yours! I didn’t realize this was the anxiety person from a few days ago.
OP, are you sure that you even want to be in this relationship? Your anxiety about the relationship is not a good sign, and besides that, who makes their son’s girlfriend sign a “pre-nup” after dating only a few months?? These people sound crazy, lol.