Post # 1
So to sum up our situation I have to give some background. My FI is a certified teacher with his bachelors/working on masters. He took a grant funded job at his old high school making half salary for the past 3 years because it was his “dream” to work there. well the grant ran up. he got “rehired pending funding” and thus got fired. His dreams were crushed along with his confidence. The main idea is he gets comfortable in the jobs he finds and does not leave them period until forced out.
So the first thing I want to say is I told him so. I told him for months upon months to find another job he chose not to thus putting my 4 year old, myself, and him in a horrible situation as I only was working part time.
I know this hasn’t been easy on him. He has an extremely low confidence level and is depressed. Well knowing that he is this way and that he has never had to actually landed his own job (small town family got everyjob for him) I made the authoritative decision to take on a second job (a full time one) as a manager at a shoe store along with my part time job. I am aware of the stress as I was once a single mom and have working two jobs in the past.
The reason I decided this is because we live in factory heaven. He wants to settle and go to a factory making 8 an hour as a “inbetween” job. Well from what I have seen is I know he wont leave it. He has the ability to do so much that i told him I would work (with my experience i can make more anyway) while he focuses on finding a job in his degree or relative job. He agreed regrettfully and next week I start at my second job.
What doesn’t help is his mother calling every day asking “when are you going to look into factory work?” or “I saw this resturant was hiring” Granted she hasn’t been around him as much as me lately and he didnt have to get a job until AFTER college for the first time (she supported him) but she is messing with the plan I HAVE found to fit our family. UGH and he won’t say anything to her. Granted its only his first week of being unemployed and its been hard on him. I just want his confidence to go up, him to actually BELIEVE he can get a family supporting job, and for her to respect me as the person to “push” him when deemed necessary.
I dont want to directly say something because I dont think he has shared what we have decided with her. So I thought about casually going over there after church and bringing up I picked up a second job so her could focus on finding a career and not an “inbetweener” but we arent married yet. so “technically” i feel i am overstepping. Any advice or just I’ve been theres will be very much appreciated. Its hard to vent as you can imagine the emotions in this house are thick. lol I am just sad.
Post # 3
I can relate somewhat. FI was fired back in Feb. and has been on unemployment looking for work. He has a disablity that prevents him from driving and it’s nearly impossible for him to find a job. So his benefits ran out and he landed a part time, min. wage gig at a local convience store prepping food. And, after two weeks, they just called to tell him not to bother coming in tomorrow because “it isn’t working out.” His mother sounds pretty much exactly like your FMIL 😐 I don’t know if you’ve ever watched Everyone Loves Raymond, but she’s very similar to Marie – there’s even an episode where Robert gets an interview and she faxes the supervisor a letter letting him know what a “good boy” her Robbie is 😛 I can so see my FMIL doing this 😛 She’s wonderful and I love her like nothing else, but she doesn’t understand that her “helping” can be “hindering.” I imagine this is what your FMIL is feeling, also. I have yet to confront mine about it, though, so geeze, if you do, let us know how it goes 😀
Post # 4
LOL well this is comforting to hear! He sat on hold with the unemployment office for 6 hours today and his efforts were fruitless here in Tennessee. My dad keeps saying 5 months from now things will be different. Lord I hope they are!
Post # 5
Sounds like a rough time for you guys, but make sure you are being there for eachother. It’s awesome you took a second job to take some of the pressure off so he can find something using his degree instead of just a factory job, but telling him I told you so or that he let you and your child down is pretty harsh and going to push him right into taking whatever job he can get. And it can be really tough to find a teaching job once the school year has begun (heck, around here it’s hard to find a teaching job any time of the year), so it really might not be the worst idea for him to take another job in the meantime, as long as he continues to seriously search for a better job using his degree.
What about subsitute teaching? The income isn’t bad, and it gets him a foot in the door next time there is an opening someplace. Most teachers I know either had to sub till there was a permanent opening, or had to relocate to get a teaching job immediately.
Post # 6
I never put him down to his face i just needed to vent that lol. i just think it some times because he has been too stubborn to look for jobs prior than being pink slipped. I want him to sub but he dances around it for some reason. He’s also been applying at colleges for advising positions and such he has qualifications for (he did college work study in advising). I think I may remind him to go sign up for the sub list. His main issue boils down to he knows his “dream job” and he is stubborn holding out for it or just bottoming out kind of an “all or nothing” thing with him. I am trying to help him see thats not reality I have to work jobs I dont want to . I mean does he really think i want to spend open to close managing two retail stores? but sometimes you can say well this job I get to do these things and I like that. So i think this is close enough to what I want.
I come to realize he just doesn’t know how to look for jobs. I logged on to some of his internet applications and they were half filled out. He didnt put any effort into them and it made me SOO mad. For instance: there were 3 open positions in a school system. He went through the teacher survey and wrote “No experience.” in all the questions which is a LIE. he just got lazy and it upset me so much like he didn’t value making the effort for our family.