(Closed) uneven guest list!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@tayy17:  Your wedding is ulitmately your guys day and you should be able to invite whom ever you’d like.  But with that said, it is always complicated to do just that without hurting others.  I think you should go ahead an invite all of your extended family. Put the ball in their court and let them decided if A.) they can behave and get along with others and B.) whether or not they want to associate with you.  There is always a chance that will not attend. And the issue with you having more guests than your fiance is not that big of a deal. In my case, I have 58 family members attending while my fiance only has 12.  

Hope my opinion helps. 

Post # 4
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have very similar problems, my parents are divorced and its still very bitter and they are not on speaking terms. I myself have only been speaking to my dad for the last two years I had stopped for 3. 

So anyway my dad doesn’t speak to my mother or my grandmother or aunts and uncles on that side due to how things ended between my parents. He cheated on my mum and my uncle worked for him and got screwed over and had to quit due to the divorce. He also doesn’t speak to his own mother and father as they have not accepted his new wife. On his side his brother and sister (my aunt and uncle) are not talking and insist on separate tables. My grandmother is not talking to her own brother, my great uncle whose invited. Old Mutual family friends are since the divorce split down the middle and my mum doesn’t talk to some of them. My mother doesn’t have any issues with my dads side but hasnt seen them since the divorce so it’s awkward. Also my stepmother was my godmother and my godfather (her ex) is invited and they don’t talk, plus he hates my dad, due to the cheating.

yes my life is a drama filled soap opera….

so sorry for the overload of information just wanted to tell you I get it, I totally understand the situation, it sucks :(. And it’s hard, you will offend somebody or multiple people. 

BUT you know what, it’s your and your partners day!!! And at the end of the day try not to care about the other people, they’ll get over it, it’s about what you want and what your partner wants and having the absolute most perfect day to you. Are you going to remember that you didn’t invite your cousin John but you invited Jane so they were mad at you. NO you are goin to remember marrying your husband, looking at each other and saying your vows.

so my advice invite only who you want to be there on your special day, who do you want to spend that day with you, who would you care if you did upset, who would genuinely love to spend the special day with you and appreciate the gesture.

oh and the different number of guests again its not important, our guest list is 123 people, SO is inviting 20-25 people and that’s including his friends and children, the rest is my two sides and my family friends and friends. 

I really hope this helps, all the best for your planning and your big day. PM if you wanna talk about it anymore.

 

Post # 7
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just do it and explain its your day and its what you want

Post # 8
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh and good luck 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

Weddings are about love, not how many people attend. I can really relate to your situation. My mom is cut off from her siblings as well – she’ll occasionally talk to her one living aunt and some of her nephews or cousins, but never her older brothers. My dad’s family is similar; while no one is estranged, his family is spread out over three continents, and his siblings are all much older. If it weren’t for my aunt (she’s 12 years older than my dad), my dad’s side would be even more distant. Also, DBF’s parents are divorced, so I only seldom see his dad. Then again, from what I can tell, it was a much more civil split than you described.

In my case, I’d have the relative blessing of not being able to invite all of those distant uncles without creating heaps of drama. But I’d say that you should invite whoever you want. I’d advise that you invite the more distant family, but if it feels really forced (as if you’re doing it just to save face), then don’t bother. Look on the bright side – a smaller wedding will cost much less!

Also, the only reason I can think of that you mentioned that you are 19 is that your family might disapprove. But it sounds like your age isn’t an issue at all.

Good luck figuring it all out. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance has at least 2/3s of the guest list and is inviting all of his first cousins and any friend he ever talked to, I have a smaller guest list with people who are close to me. Will it look strange to an outsider? Sure. But I fundamentally believe any outsider shouldn’t be there and anyone who knows us knows that introvert me would prefer to have a smaller group and extrovert Fiance wants everyone under the sun.

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do what you both feel comfortable with.  Just so you know, my Fiance has a very small family/group of friends.  His guest list is 25 while mine is 100!  It doesn’t really matter 🙂

Post # 13
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@tayy17:  I have over 150 from my side and only about 30-40 from his side. Do what you want!

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