Post # 1
Is it ok to give one set of parents a nicer present than the other?
My parents are contributing a lot to the wedding, both with money and time. I want to give them a set of 2 picture frames, one 8×10 and one oblong composite frame that holds 3 5x7s. We’ll also give them a bottle of wine and the promise of a wedding album.
His parents (mom and stepdad) are paying for the rehearsal dinner and that’s it. No problem, that’s fine. I was thinking of getting them an 8×10 picture frame (smaller than the one for my parents) and a bottle of wine and the promise of a wedding album.
Another factor here is that I really care about how my wedding pictures are displayed in my parents’ home, where I grew up and where numerous large family parties are hosted all year, but I don’t care so much how they’re displayed in FMIL’s home. The gifts are starting to get expensive, but I don’t want to be rude. Of course, they’ll all be given at the same time in public at the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 3
Well, I must say the gift that I picked out for the moms are similar, but not the same. They both will be getting pearl sets to wear to the wedding. But since she’s my mom…hers will be a bit different (two rows of pearls) and have earrings, a necklace, and a bracelet. FMIL’s will only be earrings and a necklace.
Post # 4
We’re in a similar situation, and I am interested in hearing other opinions.
I guess one option would be to get them completely different gifts, so it is unclear the price tag put on each set of gifts. However, I was thinking of giving both mothers purses… and while I could give my mother a bigger one and Future Mother-In-Law a smaller one, it would be obvious there is a price difference.
Another option would be to give them each the 8×10 (even if one is smaller), wine, and album promise… but then privately give your parents the extra frame. This way in private you and FI could thank them for hosting the wedding and tell them that you wanted to get them something extra to thank you for the huge gift (i.e. wedding) they are giving you.
Post # 5
I think that is perfectly fine. It is essentially almost the exact same gift!
Post # 6
we are in a similar situation as well. so im intersested to see the comments. As of now i just hope they dont open it then. LOL
Post # 7
We were in a very similar situation. My parents generously paid for the reception, my ILs paid for the rehearsal dinner, and we paid for everything else. So, b/c my parents paid for the bulk of the expenses, we did more for them.
We got my parents $500 worth of gift cards from around their area to different restaurants. My parents LOVE to eat out…it’s their thing, so it was perfect. We ended up buying his parents a $150 digital camera since they didn’t have one.
In order to not make them feel as if they were slighted, we gave our parents their gifts before the wedding in private. So we went to his parents’ the weekend before the wedding to give them their gift, and we gave my parents their gift before we went to the rehearsal. We just didn’t want either of them to feel slighted or embarrassed b/c of what we got them, so we just did it in private. Both really loved their gifts and it worked out really well for us.
Post # 8
Can you give your parents the 5×7 frame at a different time?
Aside from that one gift, the presents are identical. That way – you can also handpick the photos you want to include in it.
Post # 9
I’m a parent and I have to say that it is nice you want to give your parents a gift, I really don’t expect one at all! The greatest gift I can receive is to watch my sons marry the women of their dreams that make them happy. That being said, I think since you are giving gifts, you should give your parents and your inlaws their gifts privately so it’s not quite so obvious that they are unequal. You don’t want to unintentionally slight your inlaws in public.
Post # 10
I think it’s nice to not give an identical gift; however I’d be sure to not have them “too different”, as it could be perceived as preferrential treatment, especially if the parent who receives the “nicer” gift contributed more.
Generally, although it’s very nice to acknowledge someone’s financial efforts and help, I’d hate to see a parent who just didn’t have the means feel punished by receiving an obviously cheaper gift.