(Closed) Unexpected +1

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

If this is the only +1 problem you have, I’d just let it go. I’m sure you have others that have declined so you can afford it. He is the best man, not an second cousin and he should have gotten +1 in the first place.

Post # 3
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

View original reply
kirstincat :  Since this is not only a member of the bridal party, but also your FI’s brother – you’re going to have to let this go and roll with it.

 

However, you can bring it up. Maybe something like “I saw that you’re planning on bringing a date? I had thought it would just be you and your son, I wish I had known so I could have personally invited her! What is her name for her escort card?”

Post # 4
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Agree with PP. Is it appropriate for him to add a +1 when one wasn’t extended to him? Not exactly. But I would not take a stand on this issue. Allowing him to bring a date is the least you can do to have a smooth relationship with your future IL’s. Also, as immediate family AND wedding party, I do believe he ought to have a +1 anyway.

Not sure why he’ll really be busier than the average guest. He’ll stand next to your Fiance at the ceremony, and then what do you expect he’ll be so busy with afterward?

ETA: Even if he will be a little busy, you’re overthinking that issue. BM’s who are married would certainly not be expected to leave their husbands at home just because they might be a little busy. And many people have attended a wedding as a date/SO where they didn’t know many people there.

Post # 5
Hostess
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
kirstincat :  Just ask him who it is? Maybe it is serious. I would give it to my Brother-In-Law….but don’t extend the courtesy to many others. 

Post # 6
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

There is no polite way to tell him ‘only family and friends’. He’s your FI’s brother AND the best man, you should graciously let him have his +1. He probably assumed he was allowed a +1 and considering he’s family and in the wedding party, IMO this is a reasonable assumption. He’s obviously comfortable bringing this +1 around his son, so it sounds like he has someone special. By all means ask him his mystery date’s name for the seating plan, but ask graciously in a way that welcomes her and wants to include her, not in a manner that makes your Future Brother-In-Law feel you’d rather she didn’t come. 

Post # 8
Member
13922 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Nope. Contrary to popular, but misguided belief, the wedding party is no exception to the etiquette rule that only committed partners, ie engaged or living together or IMO a long term, permanent social unit, are required to be included. 

Actually, you were specific in your invitation, by addressing it to the people who were invited. It’s Future Brother-In-Law who was rude and presumptuous to write in someone else’s name. And even if this is a live-in Girlfriend, or a Fiance, he should have called to see if there was an oversight.

TBH, this just sounds like he wants to bring a date. 

If so, you are completely within your rights to call and apologize for the misunderstanding, and say that the invitation was meant only for him and his son. Of course, you also have the option to extend a generous invitation if that’s what you choose to do. 

Post # 9
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It isn’t his responsibility to reach out to you before invites go out to say he is seeing someone – it is yours. You should have called and said ‘hey best man, we are just getting ready to send out invites. Are you seeing anyone that we can invite? If not we’ll have you and your son on the invite’. Or something.

But overall, not a huge deal. Call him and ask who the +1 is, maybe gush a bit about getting to meet this person, ask where he thinks she would like to sit, say you’ll see them there, and hang up. No need to stress! It’s not good to count on declines, but it’s likely at least 1 person won’t be able to make it, so you won’t go over budget.

Post # 10
Member
9985 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d let it go.  Honestly, everyone in your bridal party should have been given a +1.  Some people may say there’s no etiquette rule, but it’s just kindness to allow people who have supported you through the whole relationship to bring a date to the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

We included plus ones for almost every guest except a handful where we were inviting their parents too so obviously they would know some one and they were completely single. Many of those guests added plus ones even though we made it pretty clear on the invites. We just let it go. It wasn’t worth it to me because we got a good amount of declines too.

I would definitely get a name though. That makes people lock in a guest for sure and not just rsvp for a plus one and think “oh I’ll find someone to bring” and then not and you paid for a guest they didn’t bring

Post # 12
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I personally wouldnt let it go for something as big as a wedding, its an extra expense and a bad presedent plus hes already with family and bring his son so he has plenty of people with him, +1 are for people who dont know anyone else… if you allow it then everyone will di it because ‘well he got to bring a friend’ and it will become granny moaning her bingo buddies cant come and then why isnt your dads second cousin invited when hes family but Brother-In-Law can bring a complete and utter stranger undecided

if its not serious enough for his own brother to even have any idea about him/her even existing then its not serious at all (seriously ive met the sibling of 90% of the guys ive casually dated let alone been in real relationships with)

Post # 14
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does he have  a son?  Never appropriate to add kids, not the same as spouse or fiance.  Are you having other kids?   I would ask fiance to address with him. 

Post # 15
Member
6605 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your fi can’t just call his brother up and ask him who he is thinking about bringing? That would be the best way for them to figure out if it’s appropriate for him to bring a date (i.e. Does he have a date in mind or is he thinking of bringing a total rando).

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