Post # 1
My wedding is in a week! I have an uncle who has a habit of just showing up to things without letting you know beforehand. I sent him and his wife an invitation, didn’t hear back, asked my dad to email/call, and still no response. I did not include them in the headcount. I only invited this uncle because it was important to my dad that his brother be invited. Otherwise, I do not much care for the man.
(Other guests who are uncertain of their availability on the wedding day have told me they’ll come to the ceremony if they’re able, but they understand that I can’t reserve them a place at the reception w/o a definite answer.)
I’m concerned that this uncle and wife will show up to the wedding anyway, and expect to be able to come to the reception and eat. The way I’m planning on dealing with this is to say to him in the receiving line, “It’s such a wonderful surprise to see you and your wife! Thank you both so much for coming! FI and I will miss you at the reception. Have a safe trip home!
Does this sound okay? Does anyone have alternate wording or ways of handling this?
Post # 3
No! Not a good idea. If they show up, I am sure the caterer will be able to accomodate them. Have you tried calling yourself? In my experience, if you want something done right, or done at all, you should do it yourself. If they don’t answer, leave them a message and tell them it is important for you to know so they can be included in the reception. I would try to plan, as far as seating, for a few extra guests anyway because you just never know. You don’t want to be rude, especially to family, even if they aren’t your favorite. Besides, you don’t need that stress on your day. You shouldn’t be in charge of policing who RSVP’d or not in your recieving line. It’s 2 extra people. No reason to get in a tizzy or start a family fued.
Post # 4
@MrsM914: agree with this 100% great advice:)
Post # 5
You definitely need to try and be in contact with them before the wedding about whether or not they are planning on coming to the reception. Then you need to call your caterer. I can’t imagine that they couldn’t add two people. If they show up and were planning on coming to the reception you could have a very negative showdown come receiving line time. You don’t need to be dealing with that type of situation on your wedding day – deal with everything of this nature that you can before the wedding.
Plus, to be honest, that is the last thing you want to be thinking of at your receiving line after just getting married.
Post # 7
@april13th: i understand you!!!! you see most bee’s will say “feed” them…the problem here is that it’s not so easy! my venue for example will charge me MORE then the regualar cost to add last min seats!!! So my plan of action is to actually have someone only allow in invited rsvp “yes” guest into the reception hall and polietly explain to “show ups” that unfortunately they can’t be let in because the seats have already been set. if ppl get pissed then so be it, we really can’t afford to pay the extra. if the ppl insist on sticking around, i may have my day of planner ask them to wait till all guest have been seated and they can be seated in the “no shows” seats, but they have to be seated last. sounds rude, but it’s rude to show up to a FORMAL event univited
Post # 8
Etiquette Snob here (comes with my Career)
Agree with the others, despite that your Uncle has NO MANNERS to speak of… sadly you need to do the right thing and accommodate him if you can
That doesn’t mean it has to be easy breezy… if it means he has to wait, or be seated last… so be it (someone needs to explain to him… perferably a PARENT / RELATIVE that he didn’t RSVP so he’s thrown a monkey into the mix)
You need to talk to your Caterer… to find out what is what “in reality” if you’ve alreay given in your Final Numbers.
I have worked various BIG Events over the years with Caterers (Trade Shows, Charity Balls etc)
Normally a Caterer will have a few extra plates that they add to the totals that the Bride gives them… (such as incase a plate or a serving tray… hits the floor)
You need to talk to your Caterer, and ask him what the situation would be if someone shows up last minute… can this BUFFOON be accomodated, and if YES how that will impact things (be it the serving of the meal… or the bottom line… will you pay extra ?)
If it truly is not possible… then if Dear Uncle shows up again, the ADULT / PARENT / RELATIVE should speak to him and explain the situation
This is not something that you and your Hubby should be dealing with on the Actual Wedding Day.
(( HUGS ))
EDIT TO ADD – As RUDE as the person is who doesn’t RSVP… the NO SHOWS without just cause (notification) are even more RUDE. There is NOTHING WORSE than being charged a per head fee for people who don’t show and don’t call !! Are there are usually someone at every wedding. So hopefully you won’t be paying extra for the RUDE Uncle, he can just eat ANOTHER RUDE PERSON’s Dinner !!
Post # 9
I have 3 married daughters, so far. We have had a couple of experiences with a guest who didn’t RSVP or answer emails or voicemails left for them. Our final call went something like this:
“Hi Uncle Milton, it is hermom again. We haven’t been able to reach you to verify if you are coming to the wedding. We have to turn in our numbers to the caterer on Friday. If I don’t hear from you by Thursday evening we will put you down as not attending. Bye-bye.”
We had no unexpected no shows because we called everyone who didn’t return their RSVPs, and if they didn’t respond to our repeated calls, we left them that message.
Post # 10
Hmmm. Good advice all around. I can certainly afford the plate charge, and we already have 3 extra seats at our tables. Would I be willing to accomodate no-RSVP arrivals? Yes, just not him, particularly.
My dad is the only one who talks to him… a few months ago, he abandoned his wife and 9 kids to move across the country with another woman. He has now remarried an entirely different woman and is pregnant with her and adopted her current child. His children are my cousins, and I am close to them. My feelings over how much I despise him are definitely affecting how I would deal with this.
Still, the argument that this is not something I want to deal with is completely true. I have a DOC; I’ll leave it up to her and the venue to handle.